Weddings And, while I'm venting...

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Last Saturday I had to deal with a pushy videographer. On more than one occasion I had set up an arrangement in which both he and the photographer could get excellent shots and he steps in front of the photographer or changes things around to suit him rather than working with the photographer to their mutual advantage.

Then, I'm getting ready to do the garter toss and comes up and tells me to do the bouquet toss first. I told him th reasons why I do it this way and his next words were, "when I DJ". So, now I know what I'm dealing with and said, "But you are the videographer today and not the DJ so I believe the flow of events are up to me." He kind of backed off after that.

Later the photographer and I exchanged cards and the videographer asked me if I wanted his. I simply said no and moved on.
 
I must be lucky. I rarely have problems with the vendors. 1 decorator one time because my set up was behind the head table and she wanted me to take it down. Yeah right.

Another a photographer wanted to do all of the activities early so he could go home. I said the couple and I planned it out this way and we would stick to the plan.

A few minutes later he came over and said he talked to the bride and he got her to change everything. I am hoping she just wanted to get rid of him. lol
 
I usually don't have probelms with the other vendors. They just seem to be bunching up on me here the last two gigs; the videographer last Saturday and the WC for tomorrow's wedding.

I had my physical last Friday and my doctor had me double up on my blood pressure medeicine. This has caused me to mello out a little. I'm not really upset at either of these two situations but I figured if I vented a little it might help even more.
 
TommyO said:
I had my physical last Friday and my doctor had me double up on my blood pressure medeicine. This has caused me to mello out a little. I'm not really upset at either of these two situations but I figured if I vented a little it might help even more.
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Interesting how you define mellow out... :sqerr: :sqeek:


At least I don't have to put the MASH video up again... :sqlaugh: :rofl:
 
I talk to the vendors to talk about what the bride and groom want and about working together to make it better for all of us. I don't talk about the way "I" want things or the way "I" do things. It's not about me.

It is extremely rare that we don't get along just fine.

I let them know that I will be as helpful to them as possible. If they need anything, just ask.

If they ask for anything that I think is against the bride and groom's wishes, I let him or her know.


There is a DJ in my area that gets in arguments just about every event with the photographer. He says the photographer is always pushy and bossy. I have to think that at least some of the time it has to be him.
 
When sitting with the client during finalization I give them suggesstions on the order and flow of the wedding, but, ultimately, it is up to them. Many will place the bouquet toss before the garter toss and I explain how we get more participation from the guys if it is reversed. Given that explanation, most reverse it.

After the agenda is finalized, I furnish a copy via e-mail to all vendors involved; photographer, vdeographer, caterer, facility, and so on. That e-mail always tells them that if they have any changes to please let me know. If that happens I present it to the bride and groom and if they're cool with it then it happens. For example, a few weddings back the banquet manager contacted me shortly after receiving the agenda and asked if the cake cutting could be moved up. The bride and groom were cool with it (and they had promissed to not smash cake :sqwink:) so I made the change.

I try very hard to make it work as a team; however, sometimes there's the odd vendor that just does not want to be a team player. The videographer from Saturday and the WC for tomorrow are examples of that. The videographer from last Saturday only wanted it his way. The WC for this Saturday is overstepping her bounds.
 
Do you ever let it just flow naturally Tom...?

The reason I ask, is because I was always one of those that did almost no planning whatsoever. I let the emotion of the moment rule, and generally only had the names of people I needed to intro, and a few small details, family background to ad-lib, etc.

I've worked for some that wanted everything staged (and I hated every minute of it) -- I preferred to do everything on the fly, and make it up as it comes, and fits the vibe...
 
SoftJock Rick said:
Do you ever let it just flow naturally Tom...?

The reason I ask, is because I was always one of those that did almost no planning whatsoever. I let the emotion of the moment rule, and generally only had the names of people I needed to intro, and a few small details, family background to ad-lib, etc.

I've worked for some that wanted everything staged (and I hated every minute of it) -- I preferred to do everything on the fly, and make it up as it comes, and fits the vibe...
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Good questions Rick.

I am too much of a project manager to work on the fly but I do like to go in with a framework with just the hard times (start, meal, end) actually recorded. All else does flow "naturally". The only reason why I include the meal as a "hard" time is that many people like a hot meal hot and I want to make sure they get it that way.

I don't push to keep on schedule. I learned that from Justin (Sounds2Go). I pretty much use his template these days.

I've found that by not pushing to stay on schedule everybody, including me, has a great time.
 
Tom,

If it's any help I agree with Rick. I've been DJing weddings since '93 and have yet to have a conflict or a clash with anybody.

Here's what we do: Get the 4 W's ~ Who, Where, When and What. Get the bride's itinerary and the names of those to be introduced. Get the songs they want for this and that. Then we arrive at the venue on time, get loaded in and set up and do sound checks. After that, we do whatever. We tell the B&G "When you're ready for this or that, let one of us know and we'll take care of it for you."

Here's what we don't do: We don't meet ahead of time and try to map every detail with some sort of scripted agenda. We don't place ourselves "in charge" of anything that's outside of our setup area. We don't tell other vendors how or when to do their jobs.

That's not why we're there. We're there to play the friggin' music and make announcements as necessary. We're there to smile and be positive and make-a-de-wisecracks during the garter.

You could possibly save yourself a lot of headaches and BP meds if you'd just remember who you are and why you're there. :)
 
99% of the time I am asked by one vendor or another, "What's the agenda?" I don't know about other places but around here the DJ/MC is seen as the leader and expected to take that role by the vendors and the bride and groom. I am very happy to do that.

The only reason why I sit down with the bride and groom for a finalization is to ensure they get what they want, get the correct pronunciation of names, make sure I am not blindsided by something they want that I did not know about, and give them that extra level of customer service.

When I first started I did "wing it" and I never felt organized. Now I feel organized.

My only problem with some other vendors (not all) is that they are furnished with the agenda at least two weeks ahead of time and have an opportunity to make changes and wait till the day of, when stress levels are through the roof for the bride and groom, to want to make changes. Many are easy and insignificant changes but, even so, may not conform to the bride and groom's wishes.

When I walk into the finalization, if the client has used the planning system correctly, they will already have an agenda. I walk in with that agenda, their special songs, and the introductions in a spreadsheet. I then go over the pronunciations and then double check the order of events with them. I do give them suggestions of rearrangement if needed but they are the guide. I also work with them on song choices if they have not picked all of their special songs.
 
When bumps in the road like these come up, the first question I ask myself is "Am I being to possessive?" The next question is, "Am I letting my ego get in the way?".

In the case of the videographer, you had to be there. This was not a "can we" question, it was an order. He was telling me to do the bouquet toss first not asking me if it can be moved.

In the case of the WC, she plain and simple misrepresented herself. Any respect for her is now long gone.

Over the last three or so months I've only had one other incident where the banquet staff was pushing the schedule and even tried to get me to close early. The banquet staff could not push me so they tried to push the bride and groom and were told off by the bride and groom. When a server (not even the banquet manager) tried to get me to close five minutes early because, basically, he wanted to get the place changed over and go home, he was told where I stood with my contract and to go away. I would have been nicer to him had he not taken a nasty tone with me. The one kicker in all of this was that we did close on time, the guests took a very long time leaving, and he could not change the room until every guest was gone; we were packed up and loaded out but there were still guests there. I think it took over an hour for all the guests to leave; good. :sqlaugh:
 
Howdy,

I'd like to take a moment to reflect on Rick's question about flow. I think it is in our best interests to create a template to use as a guide, but we have to trust our instincts about the moment. To me, it's like music. You can listen to a song played by a midi controller, but I'd much rather hear all the instruments working together to create the mood.

Dave
 
"A bad plan is better than no plan at all."
- Tom Ohlendorf, 10/24/2009.

:sqlaugh: :sqlaugh: :sqlaugh: :sqlaugh: :sqlaugh: :sqlaugh: :sqlaugh: :sqlaugh:

A wedding is a project; it has a start and end and that is the basic definition of project. I've been a project manager for a good portion of my Federal career and I need a project plan and the agenda is that plan for me.
 
TommyO said:
When bumps in the road like these come up, the first question I ask myself is "Am I being to possessive?" The next question is, "Am I letting my ego get in the way?".
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Nah, yer just a control freak Tom... :sqlaugh: :rofl:
 
Dave Winsor said:
Howdy,

I'd like to take a moment to reflect on Rick's question about flow. I think it is in our best interests to create a template to use as a guide, but we have to trust our instincts about the moment. To me, it's like music. You can listen to a song played by a midi controller, but I'd much rather hear all the instruments working together to create the mood.

Dave
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That's exactly my approach Dave. I work up the flow/order of events with the couple. I never set times to them - The natural flow of the event determines when we do the net item. Of course if I sense things dragging on or perceive we are cutting things too close I will suggest we move forward, but I'm only ever doing that - suggesting to the client.

Like Tom said - the only things that get times in my itineraries are the things that DON'T or depend on, or even really involve me! Everything I'm chairing up just happens when it happens as the time is right.
 
Ok I had to reply without reading any other replys, I have only read the OP message.....

I have video'd way more weddings then I have DJ'd at and let me be the first to say that all of the photographers I have ever worked with are always @$$holes!!!!!! I swear all of them stand directly in front of any other camera that is not thiers. Each wedding was shot with a 3 camera set up and my 2 other buddies would all have the same complaint! No Matter what shot you are trying to get they will see you getting the action and they will walk up and put one hand on your shoulder and ease thier way in front of your shot.
 
Well, in their defense, it is their JOB to get those shots.... not anyone else's... :sqconfused:

I have to say I have been lucky enough to not have your experience - only being put off by a couple photog's, neutral on a few, and quite impresses/pleased with many.
 
Sounds To Go said:
Well, in their defense, it is their JOB to get those shots.... not anyone else's... :sqconfused:

I have to say I have been lucky enough to not have your experience - only being put off by a couple photog's, neutral on a few, and quite impresses/pleased with many.
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Was that in response to my post? If so how is it not the job of the videographer to capture the special moments at a wedding!!!! Do you know how easy a photographer can ruin the perfect wedding video by having them enter the frame every other shot, or imagine how tough it is to edit them out or to find usuable footage where you didnt see the back of the same persons head all night! Geesh nobody respects the videographer
 
We all have a job to do at them weddings. :)

Sometimes, some of us get it into our heads that we're more important than we are. Yup, I've been guilty of this. None of us is as important as all of us.

Pushy photographers or other vendors acting like paparazzi, well that's just plain wrong. But the behavior doesn't excuse a pushy DJ.

This is why I hate reception agendas. I don't go in the house with a detailed agenda and don't understand why anyone else would. If it's left up to the DJ, then carry on with the routine. If it's not, don't pretend it is. If the rental house has an agenda of their own, there's usually a good reason for it.

We did a reception last year where everyone went outside for photos. Over 120 people... and they all went out for photos, lol. That was easy money for us, we didn't have to play music. When they came back in we started up again and everyone had a great time. :)
 
OK, attached is the agenda from last night...

The things to note are:

1. It gives me the basics at the top; the date, location, time of arrival, and attire.
2. Even if I am not doing the ceremony I put that time in as a reminder for me.
3. The seating of guests time and Introductions time were more for the PITA planner than for me. My flow always allows them at least ten minutes to relax when they arrive. They were late and we missed that mark. I could have cared less.
4. There are no other times on here other than the meal and the farewell dance.
5. The meal time was set by the caterer with communications with them.

Hate it or love it, the agenda provides a framework. You really don't have to put any times on them at all.

I hate being the vendor that runs to the hall all the time asking, "What's next?" Even without times this would tell me that.

As I said yesterday, a bad plan is better than no plan at all; take a look at Obama, at least he has a plan.
 

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