Weddings And, while I'm venting...

Last Saturday I had to deal with a pushy videographer. On more than one occasion I had set up an arrangement in which both he and the photographer could get excellent shots and he steps in front of the photographer or changes things around to suit him rather than working with the photographer to their mutual advantage.

Then, I'm getting ready to do the garter toss and comes up and tells me to do the bouquet toss first. I told him th reasons why I do it this way and his next words were, "when I DJ". So, now I know what I'm dealing with and said, "But you are the videographer today and not the DJ so I believe the flow of events are up to me." He kind of backed off after that.

Later the photographer and I exchanged cards and the videographer asked me if I wanted his. I simply said no and moved on.

I must be lucky. I rarely have problems with the vendors. 1 decorator one time because my set up was behind the head table and she wanted me to take it down. Yeah right.

Another a photographer wanted to do all of the activities early so he could go home. I said the couple and I planned it out this way and we would stick to the plan.

A few minutes later he came over and said he talked to the bride and he got her to change everything. I am hoping she just wanted to get rid of him. lol

I usually don't have probelms with the other vendors. They just seem to be bunching up on me here the last two gigs; the videographer last Saturday and the WC for tomorrow's wedding.

I had my physical last Friday and my doctor had me double up on my blood pressure medeicine. This has caused me to mello out a little. I'm not really upset at either of these two situations but I figured if I vented a little it might help even more.

When sitting with the client during finalization I give them suggesstions on the order and flow of the wedding, but, ultimately, it is up to them. Many will place the bouquet toss before the garter toss and I explain how we get more participation from the guys if it is reversed. Given that explanation, most reverse it.

After the agenda is finalized, I furnish a copy via e-mail to all vendors involved; photographer, vdeographer, caterer, facility, and so on. That e-mail always tells them that if they have any changes to please let me know. If that happens I present it to the bride and groom and if they're cool with it then it happens. For example, a few weddings back the banquet manager contacted me shortly after receiving the agenda and asked if the cake cutting could be moved up. The bride and groom were cool with it (and they had promissed to not smash cake ) so I made the change.

I try very hard to make it work as a team; however, sometimes there's the odd vendor that just does not want to be a team player. The videographer from Saturday and the WC for tomorrow are examples of that. The videographer from last Saturday only wanted it his way. The WC for this Saturday is overstepping her bounds.

SoftJock Rick said:

Do you ever let it just flow naturally Tom...?

The reason I ask, is because I was always one of those that did almost no planning whatsoever. I let the emotion of the moment rule, and generally only had the names of people I needed to intro, and a few small details, family background to ad-lib, etc.

I've worked for some that wanted everything staged (and I hated every minute of it) -- I preferred to do everything on the fly, and make it up as it comes, and fits the vibe...

Click to expand...

Good questions Rick.

I am too much of a project manager to work on the fly but I do like to go in with a framework with just the hard times (start, meal, end) actually recorded. All else does flow "naturally". The only reason why I include the meal as a "hard" time is that many people like a hot meal hot and I want to make sure they get it that way.

I don't push to keep on schedule. I learned that from Justin (Sounds2Go). I pretty much use his template these days.

I've found that by not pushing to stay on schedule everybody, including me, has a great time.

99% of the time I am asked by one vendor or another, "What's the agenda?" I don't know about other places but around here the DJ/MC is seen as the leader and expected to take that role by the vendors and the bride and groom. I am very happy to do that.

The only reason why I sit down with the bride and groom for a finalization is to ensure they get what they want, get the correct pronunciation of names, make sure I am not blindsided by something they want that I did not know about, and give them that extra level of customer service.

When I first started I did "wing it" and I never felt organized. Now I feel organized.

My only problem with some other vendors (not all) is that they are furnished with the agenda at least two weeks ahead of time and have an opportunity to make changes and wait till the day of, when stress levels are through the roof for the bride and groom, to want to make changes. Many are easy and insignificant changes but, even so, may not conform to the bride and groom's wishes.

When I walk into the finalization, if the client has used the planning system correctly, they will already have an agenda. I walk in with that agenda, their special songs, and the introductions in a spreadsheet. I then go over the pronunciations and then double check the order of events with them. I do give them suggestions of rearrangement if needed but they are the guide. I also work with them on song choices if they have not picked all of their special songs.

When bumps in the road like these come up, the first question I ask myself is "Am I being to possessive?" The next question is, "Am I letting my ego get in the way?".

In the case of the videographer, you had to be there. This was not a "can we" question, it was an order. He was telling me to do the bouquet toss first not asking me if it can be moved.

In the case of the WC, she plain and simple misrepresented herself. Any respect for her is now long gone.

Over the last three or so months I've only had one other incident where the banquet staff was pushing the schedule and even tried to get me to close early. The banquet staff could not push me so they tried to push the bride and groom and were told off by the bride and groom. When a server (not even the banquet manager) tried to get me to close five minutes early because, basically, he wanted to get the place changed over and go home, he was told where I stood with my contract and to go away. I would have been nicer to him had he not taken a nasty tone with me. The one kicker in all of this was that we did close on time, the guests took a very long time leaving, and he could not change the room until every guest was gone; we were packed up and loaded out but there were still guests there. I think it took over an hour for all the guests to leave; good.

"A bad plan is better than no plan at all."
- Tom Ohlendorf, 10/24/2009.



A wedding is a project; it has a start and end and that is the basic definition of project. I've been a project manager for a good portion of my Federal career and I need a project plan and the agenda is that plan for me.

OK, attached is the agenda from last night...

The things to note are:

1. It gives me the basics at the top; the date, location, time of arrival, and attire.
2. Even if I am not doing the ceremony I put that time in as a reminder for me.
3. The seating of guests time and Introductions time were more for the PITA planner than for me. My flow always allows them at least ten minutes to relax when they arrive. They were late and we missed that mark. I could have cared less.
4. There are no other times on here other than the meal and the farewell dance.
5. The meal time was set by the caterer with communications with them.

Hate it or love it, the agenda provides a framework. You really don't have to put any times on them at all.

I hate being the vendor that runs to the hall all the time asking, "What's next?" Even without times this would tell me that.

As I said yesterday, a bad plan is better than no plan at all; take a look at Obama, at least he has a plan.