In response to the Wiz's previous post, I would like to submit a formal request for a "Thanks...for nothing" button.
I've gotta say that this thread has me a bit surprised and annoyed. I never realized that such a small thing as whether the J Mac and I are having a blessing before dinner is served at our wedding reception is such a big issue to some DJs. Perhaps I should've discussed the matter with our DJ during the interview. I wonder if the photographer has an issue.
Before you get your tighty whities in a twist, I'm going to say that the J Mac and I are having a blessing before the meal. It's a respectable tradition.
However, if I'm not mistaken, the person doing the blessing is Baptist. Other folks in the room are Greek Orthodox, Southern Baptist, Lutheran, Spiritual, or Atheist...should we have all sorts of clergy folks and shamans present? I've already made it clear that no bonfires will be lit...not sure it's legal there. What about for the folks who don't believe in any of that? Will this brazen show of religious fluff ruin dinner for them? I hope not...I mean, this dinner's not exactly cheap.
Before you get your tighty whities in a twist, I'm going to say that the J Mac and I are having a blessing before the meal. It's a respectable tradition.
However, if I'm not mistaken, the person doing the blessing is Baptist. Other folks in the room are Greek Orthodox, Southern Baptist, Lutheran, Spiritual, or Atheist...should we have all sorts of clergy folks and shamans present? I've already made it clear that no bonfires will be lit...not sure it's legal there. What about for the folks who don't believe in any of that? Will this brazen show of religious fluff ruin dinner for them? I hope not...I mean, this dinner's not exactly cheap.
To turn down an event based on whether or not there is a blessing is just another form of forcing your beliefs on someone else. Like Ducky said, at our reception there will be at least 6 different sects or religions present. If we opted not to have a blessing it would have been out of respect for everyone's individual beliefs.
Or you know we could just go and find a leader for everyone present and go through blessings with each of them and hey by that time and the time the meal and special dances are done, heck our DJ can pack up and head out because the time taken up by all of that would finish the reception time.
It's because of exclusionary practices like not taking a couple seriously if they don't have a blessing that I don't belong to any organized religion. I'm just fine being a heathen if it means respecting everyone's individual choices.
Or you know we could just go and find a leader for everyone present and go through blessings with each of them and hey by that time and the time the meal and special dances are done, heck our DJ can pack up and head out because the time taken up by all of that would finish the reception time.
It's because of exclusionary practices like not taking a couple seriously if they don't have a blessing that I don't belong to any organized religion. I'm just fine being a heathen if it means respecting everyone's individual choices.
Personally, I would not conform to Tom's stance but does he not have the option to politely refuse or selectively choose for or with whom he works?
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Guest
Guest
By establishing this as my personal policy I am not forcing anybody to do anything; I am setting a policy to determine if I wish to accept their event.
As I indicated, again, I only ran into one person that said that they would not have the blessing and when I addressed the concern about their guests wishes they told me that they did not care. My decision to reject them as a client was not based on whether they wanted to have a blessing or not, it was based on the fact that they were not being considerate of their guests. I have experience that shows that hosts that are not considerate of their guests are poor hosts and have poor events; that is, they tend to be selfcentered and inconsiderate. They also tend to be micromanagers. This is my experience, your mileage may vary.
Now, had they told me that they would not be having a formal blessing and that the guests may bow their head if they so desired I would have asked if I could make an announcement to that effect. I may have also asked if they wished me to make a blessing for them. This never came up.
Since I included the question in the interview I have only run into the one problem. All of the rest have either included a the blessing or, when asked, indicated that they really had not considered their guests and agreed that a blessing would be a good idea for those of a religious bent.
Tom, I gotcha you now. I can see where doing a blessing would be taking your guests into account.
For a moment though, let me play the devil's advocate. What about the guests who are offended by religious blessings, or who may be offended by a christian blessing? What should be done to take those guests into consideration?
For a moment though, let me play the devil's advocate. What about the guests who are offended by religious blessings, or who may be offended by a christian blessing? What should be done to take those guests into consideration?
Certainly not.
Just as I could not work with a DJ who is uncomfortable with my deep religious beliefs. I just find it odd that having/not having a blessing is such a huge red flag. Then again I refuse to design for the theater companies that openly affirm or support homosexual lifestyles.To each his own.
Mike
That is why I say that on this particular topic the bride/groom and those paying for the wedding are the only ones of concern. Otherwise we go round and round.
There are some things where a good host takes their guests desires into account. For me those are music and food (and seating arrangement if you have that sort of thing). Everything else from the ceremony to the blessing to the order of service to everything else the only thing that should matter are the wishes of the bride/groom.
Mike
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Guest
Guest
I honestly never ran into that problem. No doubt there were people that may have felt this way in the room but out of respect for the day let it go.
Myself, if that were to happen at a wedding at which I was a DJ or hosting, I would invite them to leave the room till the blessing was complete.
My personal belief system falls on the side of those that have some form of religious belief. It is my personal feeling that since the world is becoming more and more secular, somebody has to make sure that the religious of the world that are left are taken care of.
who will carry your torch Thom?
"No doubt there were people that may have felt this way in the room but out of respect for the day let it go. "
So on the other foot you werent considerate of that possibility.
Not to be nit picking but in regards to this comment:
"I honestly never ran into that problem."
Its most likely that it didnt occur to you with your one sided belief. With all due respect.
"No doubt there were people that may have felt this way in the room but out of respect for the day let it go. "
So on the other foot you werent considerate of that possibility.
Not to be nit picking but in regards to this comment:
"I honestly never ran into that problem."
Its most likely that it didnt occur to you with your one sided belief. With all due respect.
who will carry your torch Thom?
"No doubt there were people that may have felt this way in the room but out of respect for the day let it go. "
So on the other foot you werent considerate of that possibility.
Not to be nit picking but in regards to this comment:
"I honestly never ran into that problem."
Its most likely that it didnt occur to you with your one sided belief. With all due respect.
"No doubt there were people that may have felt this way in the room but out of respect for the day let it go. "
So on the other foot you werent considerate of that possibility.
Not to be nit picking but in regards to this comment:
"I honestly never ran into that problem."
Its most likely that it didnt occur to you with your one sided belief. With all due respect.
That is exactly why that issue should be decided by the bride and groom only based on their beliefs.
Mike
First red flag is inattention to detail. "Take the money and play the music" doesn't cut it with me. I have questions that require answers to do the best job that I can. If THEY don't have or care about the info no one does.
The Blessing: I am only a person, not qualified to either to judge the religeous practices of others, nor to press mine onto others.
It is MY PERSONAL belief that articles of faith are personal to the individual. I don't believe a public group blessing is to the taste of all, and that there is no reason that a person can't convey a personal prayer of thanks through silent thought.
That's just my personal feeling.
On a more public level:
Maybe Christians would not be comfortable with a blessing that omits the name of Jesus Christ.
Maybe Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, and other non- Christians would be uncomfortable with a blessing that names him the son of God
Maybe Atheists don't feel they need to thank anyone, and agnostics aren't sure if they should or not.
The above has nothing to do with my personal choices, it is just my way of saying that I understand that there may be many reasons that a group blessing may be omitted.
It is not my place to impose my personal system of beliefs on ANYONE, professionally or in my personal life, so:
No blessing is not a red flag for me. Contrary to some opinions, this may actually be an exhibit of true concern for the guests feelings, not the opposite.
The Blessing: I am only a person, not qualified to either to judge the religeous practices of others, nor to press mine onto others.
It is MY PERSONAL belief that articles of faith are personal to the individual. I don't believe a public group blessing is to the taste of all, and that there is no reason that a person can't convey a personal prayer of thanks through silent thought.
That's just my personal feeling.
On a more public level:
Maybe Christians would not be comfortable with a blessing that omits the name of Jesus Christ.
Maybe Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, and other non- Christians would be uncomfortable with a blessing that names him the son of God
Maybe Atheists don't feel they need to thank anyone, and agnostics aren't sure if they should or not.
The above has nothing to do with my personal choices, it is just my way of saying that I understand that there may be many reasons that a group blessing may be omitted.
It is not my place to impose my personal system of beliefs on ANYONE, professionally or in my personal life, so:
No blessing is not a red flag for me. Contrary to some opinions, this may actually be an exhibit of true concern for the guests feelings, not the opposite.
I don't have many red flags. If there are serious personality issues, or a type of event I wouldn't be comfortable with, etc., I find out enough on the phone ahead of time that I never let it get to the point of an in-person consult. There have been a few that I walked away after a consult and said "Oh man... I would be just as happy NOT to get that one...!" But when they came back to me and said they wanted to go, I'll still take it and the event will go famously for all! Other times, I say that to myself and they end up having felt the same way and went with someone else.
Just goes to show that sometimes even WE aren't so great at predicting the outcomes of our events based on our initial impressions, etc. Perhaps for me, in some cases the stress of preparation for an event or getting through certain parts of it translates into me being more on top of my game than I might have been in a laid=back "oh this ones gonna be a piece of cake" mentality where you can let your guard down.
I have never stopped an interview and I have only once told a client after a consult I wasn't the dj for them based on what they laid out that they wanted to do for their reception.
My decision to let them go was based on the fact that they were trying to bicker me down on price based on the "laid back" nature of their wedding - and they were one of those "we're so UNIQUE and so US" alt-type couples that wanted all kinds of horrendous musics that would not have been enjoyable for anyone but them and a small circle of close friends - even though it was to be a sizable event with lots of family. It was to be in a back yard at a residence and there were all kinds of setup issues, etc.
I politely explained my reluctance/hesitation to do their event and passed them on to another dj.
As for other less drastic things like event flow, music selection, etc., I always make my opinions and insights based on my experience known, but let them know that its their call. 99% of the time, they respect and appreciate it and see the error of their ways and come around
But if they don't, it's still not a deal breaker for me.
In the end, I'm the help... Not a dictator... not an arbiter of how they WILL deem, treat, and respect their guests sensibilities - musically, religiously, or otherwise.
As long as there's nothing overtly disrespectful or malicious going on, it doesn't matter to me what they do.
I'm one of those humble folk who realize that I am working for a check - I'm not in the business of interviewing couples to see if they "qualify," "deserve," or otherwise "make the cut" to have the privilege of having ME at their event - though I can definitely see how some part timers with other incomes could very easily fall into that mindset of being able to pick and choose jobs thinking they are doing the world a favor by even doing any of them!
Just goes to show that sometimes even WE aren't so great at predicting the outcomes of our events based on our initial impressions, etc. Perhaps for me, in some cases the stress of preparation for an event or getting through certain parts of it translates into me being more on top of my game than I might have been in a laid=back "oh this ones gonna be a piece of cake" mentality where you can let your guard down.
I have never stopped an interview and I have only once told a client after a consult I wasn't the dj for them based on what they laid out that they wanted to do for their reception.
My decision to let them go was based on the fact that they were trying to bicker me down on price based on the "laid back" nature of their wedding - and they were one of those "we're so UNIQUE and so US" alt-type couples that wanted all kinds of horrendous musics that would not have been enjoyable for anyone but them and a small circle of close friends - even though it was to be a sizable event with lots of family. It was to be in a back yard at a residence and there were all kinds of setup issues, etc.
I politely explained my reluctance/hesitation to do their event and passed them on to another dj.
As for other less drastic things like event flow, music selection, etc., I always make my opinions and insights based on my experience known, but let them know that its their call. 99% of the time, they respect and appreciate it and see the error of their ways and come around
But if they don't, it's still not a deal breaker for me.
In the end, I'm the help... Not a dictator... not an arbiter of how they WILL deem, treat, and respect their guests sensibilities - musically, religiously, or otherwise.
As long as there's nothing overtly disrespectful or malicious going on, it doesn't matter to me what they do.
I'm one of those humble folk who realize that I am working for a check - I'm not in the business of interviewing couples to see if they "qualify," "deserve," or otherwise "make the cut" to have the privilege of having ME at their event - though I can definitely see how some part timers with other incomes could very easily fall into that mindset of being able to pick and choose jobs thinking they are doing the world a favor by even doing any of them!
I can't imagine why that is.
LOL.... because I don't over-inflate my ego or take myself too seriously? Those seem to be common-denominators amongst folks who love to make known their cherry-picking of events.
They act as though it is the client who is in a qualification process for THEM!
I just know my place in the consumer/service-provider food-chain - something a lot of guys don't seem to understand or seem to delude themselves about.
You are free to think as highly of yourself and your product as you see fit...or probably know is appropriate.LOL.... because I don't over-inflate my ego or take myself too seriously? Those seem to be common-denominators amongst folks who love to make known their cherry-picking of events.
They act as though it is the client who is in a qualification process for THEM!
I just know my place in the consumer/service-provider food-chain - something a lot of guys don't seem to understand or seem to delude themselves about.
Every commodity and service has qualifications for procurement. Some are just higher than others. Don't be a jealous hater.
Indeed we all do... but that assessment of "fitness" by many leaves a lot to be desired!
Exactly.
Not qualifications - prices.
LOL.... I'm jealous of no one.