Taking responsibility for one’s self

Proformance said:

Perhaps I have it all wrong.

How many wedding receptions of 150 people or more have you completed personally (solo) in your illustrious DJ career? What is your technique when doing introductions, etc.?

(Like a fine wine, I'm interested in the meticulous fermentation process behind the dearth of simultaneous exceptionalism and conformity you are sharing.)

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There you go. You prove my point. Your ego is so big that you won't admit you did the wrong thing at that wedding. Let me ask you this question. What does how many weddings with 150 people you have done have anything to do with you did at that wedding!?

MIXMASTERMACHOM said:

There you go. You prove my point. Your ego is so big that you won't admit you did the wrong thing at that wedding. Let me ask you this question. What does how many weddings with 150 people you have done have anything to do with you did at that wedding!?

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What ego? I've deferred to you more than twice already.

Please !!! share with me your deep time tested experience with these matters. How have you addressed such an enormous imbalance with any of a multitude of bride's you have served over the years? Save me. I have a gig coming up and I need to know!

Proformance said:

What ego? I've deferred to you more than twice already.

Please !!! share with me your deep time tested experience with these matters. How have you addressed such an enormous imbalance with any of multitude of bride's you have served over the years? Save me. I have a gig coming up and I need to know!

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I already said how I would have handled that situation. If in the beginning while talking to a potential client and was told they have a list of songs they want me to play at their event, I would then want to know if their list of songs isn't working for their event can I be allowed to improvise? If they say no then I will pass on doing that event.

Now in the case of me agreeing to do the event and I was working the event and had was told specifically to only play songs from that list and I'm not to take any requests. Then my job is to do what I was told to do. It's their dime and their event.

Again as I said I know it's a missarable feeling to be the DJ doing an event, it's not going well and it's not your fault. That's a terrible feeling. As I said if a guest came up to me to complain about the songs being played I would explain what I was instructed to do. Now the guests has a right to believe me or not. That's their choice. Now if the guests decided they wanted to complain to the client that's on them.

Now it's up to the client that booked me to tell me if it's okay for me to change the and let me see if I can improve on the event to get people on the dance floor and having a good time.

Keep in mind that there are some events no matter what you do the crowd is just not interested in dancing. They just come to hear some music.

Also like I said before I could if I wanted to try to have a brief conversation with the client myself to see if it's okay for me to change the music a bit? If they say no then my hands are tied. I wouldn't take it upon myself to just do things how I want it done and forget about the client who paying me for my services. Aretha Franklin's had a song called Respect. How would like a DJ you were paying to do an event and that DJ decided to disrespect you? Would that be okay with you?

Mixx,
"IF" and "would have" statements indicate that you have no such experience to draw upon. It is not ego to to stand on experience rather than musings.

Actual experience is indicated by "When" and/or "what I did" statements which you can't speak too on this issue.

I can have a meaningful difference of opinion with someone like Taso because we've done much of the same kind of gigs, albeit separated by time, technology, economic, and societal change. It's like two people going to the same vacation destination but having different itineraries.

With you, it's more like discussing slalom water skiing with someone whose never even gone swimming.

Proformance said:

Mixx,
"IF" and "would have" statements indicate that you have no such experience to draw upon. It is not ego to to stand on experience rather than musings.

Actual experience is indicated by "When" and/or "what I did" statements which you can't speak too on this issue.

I can have a meaningful difference of opinion with someone like Taso because we've done much of the same kind of gigs, albeit separated by time, technology, economic, and societal change. It's like two people going to the same vacation destination but having different itineraries.

With you, it's more like discussing slalom water skiing with someone whose never even gone swimming.

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That's where you're wrong. I have had a situation where I was given a long list of songs to play at an event and was told to only play songs that are on the list. I did as I was told. The event wasn't great. It was mediocre. Now since I was given specific instructions to only play songs that were on the list. Even though there were periods that were dull at times, I didn't decide to do what you did and wonder off course.

Of course you will never admit you did anything wrong at that wedding and probably got upset when the bride tcame up to you and complained about what you did. You probably were thinking why is she so upset with me? She had every right to be upset with you.

Let me ask you this question. Did you decide to talk to the couple about their list of songs wasn't going well before or after you played those two songs?

tunes4046 said:

I’m more curious about him many gigs with over 150 people mix has done by himself ??

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I can't remember how many I have done. Let me ask you this Tunes4046 and others. Do you think Bob did the right thing playing those 2 songs at that wedding or was he wrong for doing that?

MIXMASTERMACHOM said:

Let me ask you this Tunes4046 and others. Do you think Bob did the right thing playing those 2 songs at that wedding or was he wrong for doing that?

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In a nutshell - do you support blind adherence to a failed plan and miserable experience for everyone present?

The fundamental flaw with your "following orders" mindset is that wedding receptions are an act of gratitude intended for the guests - who in fact, bring gifts, and have a presumably life-long connection with the couple.

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This is a fundamental element of my sales - and the bride violated that by lying to me about her intentions. The list itself isn't the issue - it was her Marie Antoinette "Let them eat cake" response that destroyed that party.

Proformance said:

In a nutshell - do you support blind adherence to a failed plan and miserable experience for everyone present?




This is a fundamental element of my sales - and the bride violated that by lying to me about her intentions. The list itself isn't the issue - it was her Marie Antoinette "Let them eat cake" response that destroyed that party.

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First how did the bride lie to you? Since you asked me I will tell you. I said it how I meant it. I understand you when you say at that wedding people weren't dancing and things were not going well. I get that and as I said before being a DJ that most times sucks. You as a DJ are expecting to see people out on the dance floor going crazy over the music you are playing. When it doesn't happen that's a miserable feeling for the DJ doing the event.

You keep missing the point and don't want to admit you did anything wrong. You told us that the bride gave you specific orders and said she wanted you to only play songs that were on her list and not take any requests. You playing those 2 songs that were not on her list doing what you wanted to do disregarding what you were told to do was completely wrong on your part. Now as I said it before your ego is so big that it won't allow you to admit you were wrong for doing what you did.

Here's another way to look at it. If you were the client paying a DJ to do an event for you and you specifically told the DJ what you wanted the DJ to do and that DJ decided to do what they wanted to do disregarding the way you told them how you wanted things to be done, would you be upset with the DJ?

MIXMASTERMACHOM said:

First how did the bride lie to you? Since you asked me I will tell you.

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Successful DJs have specific traits or skills including situational awareness, sociability, negotiation, and hospitality. None of these things are present in a person who simply awaits instruction and takes orders.

I work with a bride, not for a bride and the word for that is: collaboration. You can't see it - but you are trying to apply a janitorial approach to creative arts within the hospitality industry.

My job has never been to simply take someone's orders, not mobile or in a club. I take direction very well - but it is just ONE element of consideration where the actual goal for which I am hired is guest hospitality. Had your previous employer been at a hotel rather than a school, you would have been trained to know the difference.

Guest Hospitality is what we and the bride agreed too. List not withstanding, her subsequent indifference to the guests was toxic and anti-social. That's the lie. She hired me under the guise that she cared about the guest experience, but she was completely indifferent to them.

This gig never came back to haunt my business because every person in the room understood how they were being treated by this bride - even BEFORE they arrived at the venue.

I suspect that had you done this gig you'd have gone home disappointed feeling that it was just a lack-luster crowd, but you did what you were told. I on the other hand, reviewed and revised my sales communications so that I could screen out people with her tendencies and decline those gigs.

tunes4046 said:

I think it’s too minor of a thing to worry about. It was decades ago, I personally won’t accept a gig where this is a requirement. The client not trusting me to add songs to their choices, shows that I have done a horrible job of building their trust in me as a professional.

mix read this response carefully, it is very very much exactly how any professional DJ should and would feel. We all know you are very comfortable being mixmaster machomam, playlist button pusher, DJ’s are hired to create an atmosphere, I will never accept a gig with a strict adhere to this playlist, that’s just a lazy money grab gig. I turn down all that have that demand, and have refunded a few deposits of brides who turned into this down the road

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I love what Bob said at the end of his last post. He learned to examine things carefully and when he senses a client like that bride he learned to avoid doing an event for such a client. Tunes4046 I don't know where you get calling me a button pusher. I'm not mad at what you said. For me I have rarely had a client who gave me a long list of songs to play at their event and insist that I only play songs from the list. As I said before if a client decided to give me a long list of songs to play at their event I would ask if things are not going well with me playing songs from the list I would ask before doing the event if I can have the freedom to improvise the music. If they say no, then I would pass on doing the event. Let them find another DJ who will do the event for them.

You mentioned my day job. When I was at my job and the boss told me what to do I would do it as long as it was reasonable for me to do what they wanted me to do.

I remember a guy taking my bosses job because he was on vacation. One morning the rain was pouring so hard I had to put my windshield wipers on full so I could see how to drive. My start time for work was 7AM. It finally stopped raining around 10-10:30. The grounds were soaking wet from the rain. This idiot said we could go outside to clean outside. I told him I wasn't going outside. I was going to go outside when it was time for me to leave the job to go home.

He wrote me up. I didn't open the envelope to read the right up. I tore it up and threw it in the trash can while he watched. I then called the supervisor and told him what happened. He said don't worry nothings going to happen. I knew that. I just called him so he knew we had a idiot taking my bosses place.

I used the proper judgment and that's why I refused to go outside. The next day when I got there I cleaned the outside.

Now to end it for me I said I wouldn't have taken it to play those songs on my own when I was clearly told not to deviate from her list. Once again I rarely get a client giving me a long list of songs to play at their event. I can't remember the last time that's happened. What I do is talk over the type of music they want the DJ to play at their event. If I agree to doing the event after that it's because I feel confident I will be the right fit for their event and if the client books me that says I've convinced them I'm the right DJ to do the event.

MIXMASTERMACHOM said:

I love what Bob said at the end of his last post. He learned to examine things carefully and when he senses a client like that bride he learned to avoid doing an event for such a client.

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A list itself is not an issue for me. Many party hosts are very in tune with the people attending and are likley to know more about their preferences than I do. I welcome the input and it saves a lot of guesswork and shortens the time it takes to read a crowd.

I had a woman hosting her own 40th Birthday for about 125 guests at an exclusive country club. She gave me a list for dancing, and not only wanted me to stay strictly with her list, but also to play them in the exact order she had listed them.

I thought her list was great, but I asked how she wanted me to proceed if for any reason it didn't work as expected or at worse - didn't work at all? She said she absolutely wanted to stay with the list, but if things really were going badly we could adapt.

When the cocktail hour ended the guests flowed from the adjoining area down the central stairs onto the dance floor where I had welcomed them to the first song on her list. EVERYONE started dancing, and her list worked like it had been created by a genie. She had told me that she really knew all of her guests quite well - and her predictions about their music tastes were 100% spot on.

Even when people made a request - I literally would just tell them: "wait 12 minutes, it's already in the cue!" The night was a huge success and I never once had to do anything other than make great mixes from one song on her list to the next. I've never experienced anything like that before, and never again since.

It just demonstrates that both extremes can and do exist. When it comes to request lists we should expect them to at least fall somewhere in between.

You said at the beginning that the bride had no right to put you in that situation. Who are you? Are you a special DJ? She had a right to do what she wanted to do and you had the right to decline to do the wedding.

MIXMASTERMACHOM said:

You said at the beginning that the bride had no right to put you in that situation. Who are you? Are you a special DJ? She had a right to do what she wanted to do and you had the right to decline to do the wedding.

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You're obstinate nature is Titanic!

I said: "she misled me." The issue wasn't actually her list - it was the goals she had stated and subsequently rejected with vengeance when her guests failed to respond to her personal preferences. Hence, her priority for guest "hospitality" turned out to be a lie.

She wanted a fun dance party, and could have had one if she cared more about her guests than she did getting her own way. This is like a kid having a meltdown and locking himself in the car because he wants chocolate ice cream and the store sold out 4 hours ago. There's still 40 other Baskin Robin flavors to choose from.

As I said - you don't grasp this concept because you're a "Do only what I'm told, when I'm told" kind of guy. Like the bride, you'll literally drive the ship into an iceberg because that's the map you want to follow even after being notified of the peril.