Taking responsibility for one’s self

To many ads? Support ODJT and see no ads!
tunes4046

tunes4046

Mac Daddy DJ
Jul 24, 2008
6,570
11,796
56
Fennimore Wi
Often wonder while viewing this forum if others think this way?
Most of a DJ’s issues are caused by their own actions or lack of actions. Either because one has not prepared properly or gathered enough information. I do realize that it is far easier to blame someone else for these issues but if you step back and really look at it 99% of the time there was something you could have done to prevent or significantly minimize the issue.
Stop blaming others and learn from not only your mistakes but the mistakes that others on this forum post.

This works in both DJing and the other aspects of your life.

Thanks for listening to my TED talk
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: MasterMikeDJs, Ausumm, ittigger and 2 others
tunes4046 said:
Often wonder while viewing this forum if others think this way?
Most of a DJ’s issues are caused by their own actions or lack of actions. Either because one has not prepared properly or gathered enough information. I do realize that it is far easier to blame someone else for these issues but if you step back and really look at it 99% of the time there was something you could have done to prevent or significantly minimize the issue.
Stop blaming others and learn from not only your mistakes but the mistakes that others on this forum post.

This works in both DJing and the other aspects of your life.

Thanks for listening to my TED talk
Click to expand...
I had a relative who has since passed. He had some talents, but in my opinion, he had a terrible case of blaming others any time something didn’t work out for him. He could not see that most, if not all of the bad things that happened to him were from decisions he made.
It was always the government’s fault, whomever was the current president’s fault, his boss’s fault, his ex wife’s fault, his business partners fault, etc.
Rather than learning from his mistakes, he chose to put the blame on others. Even in the few instances where it may not have actually been his fault, he didn’t see that as an opportunity to learn how he could be better at choosing who to get involved with and in what way.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Dan The Man, ittigger, MIXMASTERMACHOM and 1 other person
My questions are this. How do you prepare to do an event before doing the event and when talking to a potential client what will have you say no to doing the event?
 
Scott Hanna said:
I had a relative who has since passed. He had some talents, but in my opinion, he had a terrible case of blaming others any time something didn’t work out for him. He could not see that most, if not all of the bad things that happened to him were from decisions he made.
It was always the government’s fault, whomever was the current president’s fault, his boss’s fault, his ex wife’s fault, his business partners fault, etc.
Rather than learning from his mistakes, he chose to put the blame on others. Even in the few instances where it may not have actually been his fault, he didn’t see that as an opportunity to learn how he could be better at choosing who to get involved with and in what way.
Click to expand...
Fact is, there is now, and always has been, a segment of the population that sees themselves as victims. It seems to go hand-in-hand with the glass-is-half-empty versus the glass-is-half-full mindset. People are wired differently, and unfortunately, they can’t be rewired.🫤🤷‍♂️
 
  • Like
Reactions: Dan The Man, ittigger, Jeff Romard and 1 other person
DJ Bobcat said:
Fact is, there is now, and always has been, a segment of the population that sees themselves as victims. It seems to go hand-in-hand with the glass-is-half-empty versus the glass-is-half-full mindset. People are wired differently, and unfortunately, they can’t be rewired.🫤🤷‍♂️
Click to expand...
Perhaps a high voltage shock would reset them
 
  • Haha
  • Like
Reactions: Dan The Man, musicdoctordj, ittigger and 3 others
I always say most of my failures have been my fault. Most of my success have been my fault too ;)
 
  • Like
Reactions: Dan The Man, musicdoctordj, SEDJ and 3 others
I can be vulnerable on here. Sometimes because I've been doing this for 39 years and me being back doing what I love my ego can hurt me at times. I know what to do and sometimes that hurts me with this business. I'm not going to blame myself constantly for things that do go wrong at an event. Sometimes I'm like that song by Stevie Wonder , He's Mister Know It All. Sometimes it comes down to agreeing to do an event and the client is not forthcoming with what they want for the event and just assume I know what to do. At times I can try my best to try to get the client to tell what they want for their event. I can't force a client to tell me everything they need me to do for THEIR event.
 
MIXMASTERMACHOM said:
My questions are this. How do you prepare to do an event before doing the event and when talking to a potential client what will have you say no to doing the event?
Click to expand...
You ask a lot of questions, don’t rely on others for answers. You’ve been at this a long time surely you have questionnaires and checklists for every event
MIXMASTERMACHOM said:
I can be vulnerable on here. Sometimes because I've been doing this for 39 years and me being back doing what I love my ego can hurt me at times. I know what to do and sometimes that hurts me with this business. I'm not going to blame myself constantly for things that do go wrong at an event. Sometimes I'm like that song by Stevie Wonder , He's Mister Know It All. Sometimes it comes down to agreeing to do an event and the client is not forthcoming with what they want for the event and just assume I know what to do. At times I can try my best to try to get the client to tell what they want for their event. I can't force a client to tell me everything they need me to do for THEIR event.
Click to expand...
you are wrong, you can persuade them to tell you, do you have at least 1 in person or zoom meeting prior to the event. You need to require them to set aside an hour to sit down with with you and discuss their vision of the event, you create conversations that answer those questions. It’s very simple.


Even in this post you are blaming the client for not being forthcoming with what they want, when the reality is you aren’t asking them in the right way. It’s not simply asking a list of questions it’s creating a comfortable conversation to answer those questions.

You seem to worry more about finding a reason to not do the gig than how you can actually provide them with a great outcome
 
  • Like
Reactions: cyberphox, ittigger and MIXMASTERMACHOM
tunes4046 said:
You ask a lot of questions, don’t rely on others for answers. You’ve been at this a long time surely you have questionnaires and checklists for every event

you are wrong, you can persuade them to tell you, do you have at least 1 in person or zoom meeting prior to the event. You need to require them to set aside an hour to sit down with with you and discuss their vision of the event, you create conversations that answer those questions. It’s very simple.


Even in this post you are blaming the client for not being forthcoming with what they want, when the reality is you aren’t asking them in the right way. It’s not simply asking a list of questions it’s creating a comfortable conversation to answer those questions.

You seem to worry more about finding a reason to not do the gig than how you can actually provide them with a great outcome
Click to expand...
I put a like to your post because I agree with some of what you said. Not everything. I personally don't have a Zoom account. I can talk to a potential client over the phone because sometimes an in person meeting is not practical in certain situations.

Now let me say this. There are some events that I have done in the past for repeat clients. So I know what they want and they know what I do. So in a case like that I don't have to go through a lot of questions about what they want me to do for their event. For example there are those who don't want the DJ playing today's Hip Hop or rap music today at the event. Before you say something about that last statement let me say my partner is a true master of that stuff including fast mixing.
 
MIXMASTERMACHOM said:
I put a like to your post because I agree with some of what you said. Not everything. I personally don't have a Zoom account. I can talk to a potential client over the phone because sometimes an in person meeting is not practical in certain situations.

Now let me say this. There are some events that I have done in the past for repeat clients. So I know what they want and they know what I do. So in a case like that I don't have to go through a lot of questions about what they want me to do for their event. For example there are those who don't want the DJ playing today's Hip Hop or rap music today at the event. Before you say something about that last statement let me say my partner is a true master of that stuff including fast mixing.
Click to expand...
Just because they are repeat client doesn’t mean they want the exact same things for this event the discussion still needs to happen!!
Zoom easy to use get an account you need to be able to communicate with clients in the way that’s easiest for them, don’t limit yourself because to are afraid of technology
 
  • Like
Reactions: MIXMASTERMACHOM and ittigger
Tunes4046 that sounds good. I have a Zoom meeting I attended on the second Saturday of every month most times. Its for the sponsorship family.

Me getting a Zoom account for the business sounds great. Honestly I need more people looking to contact me about possibly doing an event for them or someone they know. That would make sense then to get a Zoom account.
 
tunes4046 said:
you are wrong, you can persuade them to tell you, do you have at least 1 in person or zoom meeting prior to the event. You need to require them to set aside an hour to sit down with with you and discuss their vision of the event, you create conversations that answer those questions. It’s very simple.
Click to expand...
That's simply not realistic.
If we do this long enough and often enough we will find unreasonable situations that defy common sense - the kind of things that create permanent change in the way we consult with people and plan for an event. Experience is an open road rather than a cul-de-sac.

I can recall one wedding early in my career that tunred out to be surreal. The bride had given me a specific list of songs and wanted NO deveiation from that list at all, The list itself was not a problem. Most of it was perfectly good music and nothing to be terribly concerned about. Providing people with exactly what they request is usually a highly fruitful path. It's not uncommon and I've navigated those waters countless times.

The whole reception turned out to be an other-wordly experince and I've never really been able to identify the full source of what was behind it all. (This was circa late 1980's maybe 1990.)

To start - all the guests arrived at the venue unusally early - like nearly an HOUR before the scheduled reception, and well ahead of any bar or food servcie being open. I myself - had only arrived on site 30 minutes prior to their surprise entry and was still in jeans setting up the gear.

Apparently, the ceremony was an 8:00 am church service, and the venue reception was 11:00 or 11:30 am. With no where to go after the recieving line most people went straight to the venue. I quickly setup and left the room to change clothes.

When I returned to the room things were even stranger; 100 people or more and the room was nearly SILENT (save for the background music.) That's right - virtaully no converstion. When the bar finally opened - nothing really changed. To this day, the event remains the most sedated group of people I've ever been among - including funerals! To me, it seemed like the room was filled with animosity or unease - a reality or situation that I was not privy too.

To make matters worse, the photographer kept hanging out near my booth. He was a guy with no quiet voice, and frequently commented to staff or myself about guests in the room. By dinner I wanted to shoot the man (and not with a camera!)

There were also a LOT of young children in attendance - as many as 15 and the bride's request included things like the Holey Pokey, and other songs aimed at that age. On it's face - not a problem. But if you've ever truly observed "playground" dynamics then you understand the level of separation older adults maintain from gymnastic enthusiasm.

Formalities and special dances all went as expected, and there were no issues. As for her requests, I stuck to the list but got anemic response, and a consitently empty dance floor. Not even the bride or wedding party responded. I think the Hokey Pokey was the fist "big" song as the bride, a few paarents and all the kids came out for it. But that's still only about 20 people out of 100 or more.

I followed that moment with a typical wedding song: "Twist & Shout - Beatles" which may or may not have been on her list and the dance floor packed. What I do know for certain is that the follow up song (or two) were not on her list. They were songs experience taught me would keep those people on the floor. I was right - but the bride was not pleased and immediately came over and told me to return to her list. I explained to her I was still committed to her list and the departure was merely a moment of lighter fluid to start the grill, She however, insisted on the play of NOTHING that wasn't on her list - including any request by a guest. I played the most powerful song I could find remaining on her list - and it cleared the floor.

NONE of her songs worked with this crowd despite the music itself not being ridiculously obscure or not danceable. I tried one other time to start a fire with a crowd pleaser (which again worked) but she immediately shut that down as well. She had me play the Hokey pokey at least 3 times, along with the Chicken dance twice. All this - to a still rather emotionless and socially stunted crowd.

To this day - I do not know what the particular issue behind this weird other-wordly situation was. I can't even say it was a learning eperience because "animosity" is not a DJ issue it's a job for counseling centers.

In the end I noticed she shorted my check by $100 but, I was just happy just to be leaving, She's the only customer to ever give me a negative review (pre-internet age, an I'm the only one who's ever seen it.) I found nothing in my effort that fell short of trying to please or accommodate this bride.

The only change this event made in my planning or consultations is with respect to "guest comfort" and inquiring about that transition between a remote ceremony location and the following reception. I had certainly noticed the dreadful and persistent impact of people arriving an hour before any food or beverage service was ready. Can you imagine getting up early (with kids) in time to make an 8:00 AM ceremony - and then have to kill 2 to 2-1/2 hours before the reception venue is ready?

The point is - we had conversations and we were on the same page. Perhaps, I made an assumption that left that 3 hour difference between ceremony and reception undiscussed, or perhaps I pointed it out and she indicated her own solution (IDK). The dynamics in that room turned out to be far deeper than the between time alone.

I've never forgotten the surreal experience and human disconnect of that event and it was at least 35 years ago in a full-time business.
 
Last edited:
Proformance said:
That's simply not realistic.
If we do this long enough and often enough we will find unreasonable situations that defy common sense - the kind of things that create permanent change in the way we consult with people and plan for an event. Experience is an open road rather than a cul-de-sac.

I can recall one wedding early in my career that tunred out to be surreal. The bride had given me a specific list of songs and wanted NO deveiation from that list at all, The list itself was not a problem. Most of it was perfectly good music and nothing to be terribly concerned about. Providing people with exactly what they request is usually a highly fruitful path. It's not uncommon and I've navigated those waters countless times.

The whole reception turned out to be an other-wordly experince and I've never really been able to identify the full source of what was behind it all. (This was circa late 1980's maybe 1990.)

To start - all the guests arrived at the venue unusally early - like nearly an HOUR before the scheduled reception, and well ahead of any bar or food servcie being open. I myself - had only arrived on site 30 minutes prior to their surprise entry and was still in jeans setting up the gear.

Apparently, the ceremony was an 8:00 am church service, and the venue reception was 11:00 or 11:30 am. With no where to go after the recieving line most people went straight to the venue. I quickly setup and left the room to change clothes.

When I returned to the room things were even stranger; 100 people or more and the room was nearly SILENT (save for the background music.) That's right - virtaully no converstion. When the bar finally opened - nothing really changed. To this day, the event remains the most sedated group of people I've ever been among - including funerals! To me, it seemed like the room was filled with animosity or unease - a reality or situation that I was not privy too.

To make matters worse, the photographer kept hanging out near my booth. He was a guy with no quiet voice, and frequently commented to staff or myself about guests in the room. By dinner I wanted to shoot the man (and not with a camera!)

There were also a LOT of young children in attendance - as many as 15 and the bride's request included things like the Holey Pokey, and other songs aimed at that age. On it's face - not a problem. But if you've ever truly observed "playground" dynamics then you understand the level of separation older adults maintain from gymnastic enthusiasm.

Formalities and special dances all went as expected, and there were no issues. As for her requests, I stuck to the list but got anemic response, and a consitently empty dance floor. Not even the bride or wedding party responded. I think the Hokey Pokey was the fist "big" song as the bride, a few paarents and all the kids came out for it. But that's still only about 20 people out of 100 or more.

I followed that moment with a typical wedding song: "Twist & Shout - Beatles" which may or may not have been on her list and the dance floor packed. What I do know for certain is that the follow up song (or two) were not on her list. They were songs experience taught me would keep those people on the floor. I was right - but the bride was not pleased and immediately came over and told me to return to her list. I explained to her I was still committed to her list and the departure was merely a moment of lighter fluid to start the grill, She however, insisted on the play of NOTHING that wasn't on her list - including any request by a guest. I played the most powerful song I could find remaining on her list - and it cleared the floor.

NONE of her songs worked with this crowd despite the music itself not being ridiculously obscure or not danceable. I tried one other time to start a fire with a crowd pleaser (which again worked) but she immediately shut that down as well. She had me play the Hokey pokey at least 3 times, along with the Chicken dance twice. All this - to a still rather emotionless and socially stunted crowd.

To this day - I do not know what the particular issue behind this weird other-wordly situation was. I can't even say it was a learning eperience because "animosity" is not a DJ issue it's a job for counseling centers.

In the end I noticed she shorted my check by $100 but, I was just happy just to be leaving, She's the only customer to ever give me a negative review (pre-internet age, an I'm the only one who's ever seen it.) I found nothing in my effort that fell short of trying to please or accommodate this bride.

The only change this event made in my planning or consultations is with respect to "guest comfort" and inquiring about that transition between a remote ceremony location and the following reception. I had certainly noticed the dreadful and persistent impact of people arriving an hour before any food or beverage service was ready. Can you imagine getting up early (with kids) in time to make an 8:00 AM ceremony - and then have to kill 2 to 2-1/2 hours before the reception venue is ready?

The point is - we had conversations and we were on the same page. Perhaps, I made an assumption that left that 3 hour difference between ceremony and reception undiscussed, or perhaps I pointed it out and she indicated her own solution (IDK). The dynamics in that room turned out to be far deeper than the between time alone.

I've never forgotten the surreal experience and human disconnect of that event and it was at least 35 years ago in a full-time business.
Click to expand...
Bob let me say this and I know I'm not the most liked person on here.

First you said for that wedding you got paid at the end of the night with a check. I know you said it was very early in your career as a DJ. I know you also mentioned that time was before the internet explosion. At that time you only had 2 ways to get paid. Either cash or a check. You also mentioned that when she presented you with the check it was short $100. I understand that you were just happy that the reception was over and just wanted to get out of there. Regardless of how the event turned out did you complete the job fully or did you stop the reception early? If you completed the job you should have been given all the money that was owed to you.

You should have had a discussion with the bride about the check not being the full amount due to you. The other thing is the way I structured the contract is as follows. Originally the retailer was to be 50% of the amount to be paid at the signing of the contract. I modified it to be $100. I did that with my buddies suggestion and what Taso does. Make the amount reasonable so the client can pay that amount. Anybody who can't pay that is somebody I would not care to do business with.

The other parts as far as payment goes is that the payment is due by a certain date or it is to be paid the day of its to be paid in cash before any equipment is to be taken out of the vehicle. Since then there's Zelle, Cash App and Vienmo. That was before any of those things existed.

I would not except a check from anybody I don't know the day of. How do I know the check the check won't bounce from here to Florida? It's better to be safe than sorry.

We did an event for a couple a few years ago and it was the day after the park event. At the end of the event the wife wanted to know if we would accept a check. My partner told her no and we got paid by Cash App.

I believe I know why she shorted you the hundred dollars. Because you decided to go against what she specifically told you. She told you she only wanted you to play the songs on her list. You decided on your own because the reception was going well with people not dancing to the songs on her list to liven things up. What you did got people on the dance floor but she told you she didn't want you playing any songs not on her list and nobody was allowed to make any requests.

I know how you felt. We all would love a packed dance floor at every event we do with people dancing up a storm hollering. Yet that's not the reality. There are some events that there's nothing you can do to do to liven things up. Hopefully for all of us it rarely happens. It sucks when it does happen. All you can do is get paid and do your best.

As far as people coming to the venue an hour early before the reception is to begin is out of your control. All you can do is to hurry up setting up the equipment and changing your clothes. Come out even if it's not the start time for the event/reception just have some light music playing in the background so they can get settled in and talking with each other. That way there's no auquard silence between you and the crowd.

Time to get ready to leave to go to Montclair for the Super Bowl party with the seniors. It's brutally cold outside right now here. I will be leaving in a few minutes because it starts at 5PM for us to get in there. It's from 5 to 10. Have a wonderful day all.
 
I forgot to mention one more thing. When you saw that people weren't interested in dancing to the songs on her list that the reception was tanking, you should have went up to the couple and ask could you change from her list for a while because there's nobody on the dance floor. If they say no then you keep playing the songs from her list. Remember she's the boss and you're the employer. She hired you to do the job. I know that sucks if they so no to you playing some songs that are not on the list. At least put the ball in their court. Let them make the call and not you doing your own thing.
 
Mixx,

I don't know that she intentionally shorted the check. I just know that when I looked at it later is was short $100. That's an amount equal to the earlier reservation fee. She could have simply made a mistake and subtracted it from an already adjusted balance. (IDK) I have only her later mailed back comment card as cause to presume it was intentional. But honestly - why pay the balance at all if she felt so poorly about the DJ?

I could just as easily have been a proximity victim of the totally classless photographer. Guilt by association.

As for "conversation" yes, I did speak with her about the lack of response and deviating from the list, or taking some requests. She maintained her position that I should stay with her list.

It seemed to me that there were bigger issues already in play long before the reception even started. The total lack of connection between the bride and her guests is what stood out the most. The best way to describe it is that she filled the room with spectators rather than people she cared to entertain as family and friends. It was like playing live at a family feud.

As for playing two songs not on her list - it was at that point imperative for me to know for my own benefit if the issue was the crowd or the music. If not for her sake, then for my own professional advancement and relief to anyone who wanted to get out of their chair!

Keep in mind - that with her exclusive list - I couldn't even use the mic to solicit requests. She crippled me both musically and interactively. That would be okay, if someone truly knew their audience. I've had customers over the years with similar constraints, however they truly knew their audience and their plans were spot on, even in those instances where I might have believed it would be a toss up. Also, these clients were open to change if their plan failed - but should it work they wanted me to stick to it. That's a self awareness that this other bride completely lacked. As I said, there was nothing inherently wrong with her list - it just did not click at all with anyone in the room, and she cared nothing at all about improving the situation

Had she given me more freedom I could've worked most of her list into a successful mix that kept people on the floor or in steady rotation. She was just too rigid to get out of her own way. Also, this was the late 80's or 1990 - weddings and DJ service were themselves still newlyweds.
 
Last edited:
Bob you contradicted yourself. When you first told the story about that wedding you didn't mention anything about talking to the couple about if you could change up the music a bit. Then you say you did talk to the couple and was told to keep playing the songs on her list. After that you said you played a couple of songs that were not her list to see if those songs would get people to get up and dance. You said those 2 songs got got people up to dance. Then you said the bride got upset with you. You said you played those two songs to see if it was her list of songs were the reason people weren't dancing or not. That was your ego talking. If I was the client and you did that after I told you to stick to the list of songs I gave you to play, I would have been upset with you too.

Lastly how do you not look at a check to see if everything is correct with the check?

Now let me say this about myself. I've been accused of doing things the way I want to. That's not true. I try to do my best to do things the way the client wants me to do things because normally they are the one paying me. Does that mean they are right all the time? No. Sometimes because of my many years of experience I know what I have in my mind would work better for a particular event. Yet I got to keep in mind this is not my own event. As I said before keep in mind you're the employee and they are the employer. They hired you. Not the other way around.
 
MIXMASTERMACHOM said:
Bob you contradicted yourself. When you first told the story about that wedding you didn't mention anything about talking to the couple about if you could change up the music a bit.
Click to expand...
Trust that I did all my due diligence to accommodate this bride. They book these dates a year or more in advance. I had met with this couple early on and had later communications as well. The exclusivity of her list was well established in advance.

The cold and uninterested demeanor of the room, her indifference toward her guests - that was all new.

Departure from her list even if only once or twice is - for me. It sends a very clear and visible message to the audience that the source of the problem is your host - not the DJ. I always go the extra mile for a customer, but if it turns out their intention is to literally screw over their guests (and me in the process) - then I am going to find a way to fly my own flag and make clear that I am simply constrained to unreasonable demands. Having her storm over to the booth to complain about a floor-filling song is one quiet but obvious way to do that. The first one was an opportunity to save her reputation. The second was to affirm mine.

This chick had me play the Hokey Pokey 3 or 4 times and the Chicken Dance twice! Even the kids were sick of it. Yet, in the face of an obviously failing program she wouldn't allow a single request from her guests. That's not normal behavior - it's sadistic. For the life of me I don't even remember the groom. It's like he didn't even exist. ???

I suffered no consequences from this gig. No one in the room save for the bride and her maid of honor believed the DJ was a problem. It's just one of those things I was glad to have experienced early on in this business because now I can spot these types a mile away and know exactly how to deal with them.
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom
Back