Mentoring other DJ's

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"tough love" does work. It's like "sink or swim" but unless you are grooming her for an "associate" position. Perhaps you should refer her to another DJ friend to see if HE or SHE could get your point across. Your perseverance is admirable; however, she is taking advantage of your willingness to help. It takes only one "flop" to realize either this IS for me or IT isn't my cup of tea. I'm in agreement, too, with Valerie. If the wife understands, then where's the problem.
 
Valerie Hicks said:
sounds like she's got the skills and lacks the motivation...quite possibly content with coasting along instead of stepping out of her comfort zone and really going for it. Not much you can do but offer up what you can and cut the umbilical when it's too frustrating for you. Sounds like she doesn't really see the potential you do....or at least not enough to go after it. It's always a bummer, because from the outside you can tell where that person has the potential to be...but they, from the inside, either can't see it or won't invest enough motivation & effort in themselves to get there, or closer to there. I like that you told her you "weren't working" when asked about song lists, but also at the same time, feel just a little bad because if you are her mentor, should you leave her empty? Hard to say. Could certianly go either way. I understand your frustrations! Just remember, her failure isn't your failure, and you can only invest what you choose in the relationship.
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I disagree. I don't think anyone's "potential" is the driving force here.
He can see what a disaster her operation is. He is not getting paid for his help, and all of her "potential" exists in his mind - not hers.
He hasn't even given one meaningful reason why he wants her to succeed.
Next month we'll hear about how "she just doesn't seem to appreciate" his efforts.

Dude - there are better ways to find a girlfriend.

Why spend money on spare bulbs if you're willing to 911 your lights for free? You're enabling her to dabble at this without committing additional resources of her own - to gear, apprentice/education, or compensation for your assistance. That's not mentoring - that's a rescue.
 
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I am not going to read through all this, but to me, mentoring is giving someone the skill set to be successful by passing along your experience and knowledge to them, then letting them go out on their own and learn by doing. It is not hand holding every step of the way and bailing them out whenever they stumble.

We have all been a "newbie" once, and I would venture to say, we have all learned valuable lessons from our mistakes which has helped make us stronger.
 
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So I've been reading this thread and after mentoring and training many djs, here are my thoughts.

It seems like what a lot of folks are talking about is purely training. Teach them skills, then let them go; written "mentoring" agreements; they have to do it my way; getting paid for helping; all of that stuff is training, not mentoring.

Mentoring involves so much more than simple training on gear, music and business aspects; it involves a dedicated commitment towards an individual or individuals. With mentoring, you're not working on a skill set, but rather you're working on the person. When I've mentored current djs and aspiring ones, I never started with gear, music or business (I can teach all that); I started with the person themselves because if the person isn't ready then nothing else matters.

In this specifc case that we're looking at here, I don't see anything truly wrong. It takes time to get someone's mindset to where it needs to be before anything can happen.

What I do think is going on a lot in this thread is you have a lot of haters who can't stand the fact that someone else might actually have the patience, desire and ability to actually mentor someone.
 
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DJ J Mac said:
So I've been reading this thread and after mentoring and training many djs, here are my thoughts.

It seems like what a lot of folks are talking about is purely training. Teach them skills, then let them go; written "mentoring" agreements; they have to do it my way; getting paid for helping; all of that stuff is training, not mentoring.

Mentoring involves so much more than simple training on gear, music and business aspects; it involves a dedicated commitment towards an individual or individuals. With mentoring, you're not working on a skill set, but rather you're working on the person. When I've mentored current djs and aspiring ones, I never started with gear, music or business (I can teach all that); I started with the person themselves because if the person isn't ready then nothing else matters.

In this specifc case that we're looking at here, I don't see anything truly wrong. It takes time to get someone's mindset to where it needs to be before anything can happen.

What I do think is going on a lot in this thread is you have a lot of haters who can't stand the fact that someone else might actually have the patience, desire and ability to actually mentor someone.
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Yeah, that's it. We are all going out of our way to hate on someone we've not met.
How about we just stick to the OP's own words and not your fantasy?
This one is easy:
She's content to be where she's at - and he's the one who wants change.
No goals, each wants something different, and he keeps increasing his involvement based solely on his vision?
I'm guessing our "mentor" is also married (?) - i.e. her safe pick.

Guy has resources,
Girl strokes ego,
Guy gives attention, recommends change,
Girl doesn't want change,
Guy rescues,
Girl seeks resources,
Guy sets a boundary,
Girl doesn't like that,
Guy moves his boundary,
Girl knows he's "backup,"
Guy thinks he's a "mentor."

That's emotional - not vocational.
 
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Proformance said:
Guy has resources,
Girl strokes ego,
Guy gives attention, recommends change,
Girl doesn't want change,
Guy rescues,
Girl seeks resources,
Guy sets a boundary,
Girl doesn't like that,
Guy moves his boundary,
Girl knows he's "backup,"
Guy thinks he's a "mentor."

That's emotional - not vocational.
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Nail, meet head. And that, ladies/gents is why you remember the golden rule "It's all about the money." It would've steered you clear of this situation.
 
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Proformance said:
Yeah, that's it. We are all going out of our way to hate on someone we've not met.
How about we just stick to the OP's own words and not your fantasy?

Not a problem for me; however, would you be so kind as to remind everyone (and reading this post, you're included) who has implied sexual reasons for mentoring to stick to the OP as well? Thanks.

This one is easy:

Nothing is ever easy or simple when human behavior is involved.

She's content to be where she's at - and he's the one who wants change.
No goals, each wants something different, and he keeps increasing his involvement based solely on his vision?
I'm guessing our "mentor" is also married (?) - i.e. her safe pick.

Guy has resources,
Girl strokes ego,
Guy gives attention, recommends change,
Girl doesn't want change,
Guy rescues,
Girl seeks resources,
Guy sets a boundary,
Girl doesn't like that,
Guy moves his boundary,
Girl knows he's "backup,"
Guy thinks he's a "mentor."

Once again Bob, you're reading into a situation which is injecting your own assumptions about both individuals.

That's emotional - not vocational.

No kidding it's not vocational, we're talking mentoring, not training.
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It's pretty clear that you've never actually mentored anyone before, or at least you make a really strong case by your responses and actions on this forum. I'm sure you've trained people before, but training is a far cry from mentoring.

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rickryan.com said:
Nail, meet head. And that, ladies/gents is why you remember the golden rule "It's all about the money." It would've steered you clear of this situation.
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It also assures that you'll never make a meaningful impact on anyone's life, including your own.
 
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DJ J Mac said:
It also assures that you'll never make a meaningful impact on anyone's life, including your own.
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Amen, Reverend Mac!
My first multi op boss took a huge chance on me when I started.
I knew NOTHING and owned NOTHING...and in the end I could have become HIS competition.

Heck, isn't this very FORUM born in the spirit of mentoring?
 
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DJ J Mac said:
It's pretty clear that you've never actually mentored anyone before, or at least you make a really strong case by your responses and actions on this forum. I'm sure you've trained people before, but training is a far cry from mentoring.
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Is this about you or the facts presented?
Your history as a "mentor" isn't adding any paint to the portrait drawn in the OP.
It's a very clear picture of a guy on a rescue mission.

For the record professor - I said: "emotional" not sexual. LOL. What kind of mentoring did you say you do? :)

It also assures that you'll never make a meaningful impact on anyone's life, including your own.
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So, it is about you!
Hard to see the mentor when it's obscured by so much ego. :)

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Ausumm said:
Heck, isn't this very FORUM born in the spirit of mentoring?
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Yes.
Perhaps I'm "mentoring" the OP with regard recognizing the difference between an emotional investment and a true business pursuit.
 
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DJ J Mac said:
It also assures that you'll never make a meaningful impact on anyone's life, including your own.
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Quite the contrary, I'll be able to stay in the game, long term. Those that never realize that money finances their continued passion, burn out and don't benefit anyone.
 
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Proformance said:
[/COLOR] Perhaps I'm "mentoring" the OP with regard recognizing the difference between an emotional investment and a true business pursuit.
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Absolutely.
You are offering your opinion....just like the rest of us.
 
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Ausumm said:
Absolutely.
You are offering your opinion....just like the rest of us.
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$5 says when we check back a few months from now - my opinion proves closer to reality. :)

He doesn't want to be a multi-op.
He doesn't derive any income from her improvement.
He incurs expense to support her gigs.
He prefers to refer over-flow to experienced DJs which she is not

Did I miss something? Has he pointed to a single DJ issue yet?

He "feels" she has potential.
He "feels" she just doesn't see her potential.
He "feels" she could do better
He "wants" her to succeed.
He knows this vision is his - not hers.

We all "feel" compassion - the trick is knowing when, or when not to act on it.
The roadie reference was tongue and cheek. But seriously, he is the only one invested in this plan and his charity is disproportionate to the need.
PrecisionP:
Find a business relationship with person instead and preserve your wife's sanity. Otherwise - the life you impact most will be your own.
 
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There is nothing wrong with someone that has experience wanting to help someone that's starting out. Didn't we all need someones help at one time to teach us things we didn't know. When I first got back into DJing I bought a bunch of gear and I thought I would be able to hook it up myself. It had been years and the short story is I needed to get someone to help with setting up the gear. The point being I needed help with something I didn't know or in this case had forgotten.

Now there is nothing wrong with someone trying to help someone just getting started. All of us have made mistakes and hopefully learned from them to get to where we are today. So I say he should try to help her the best he can. He just needs to know his limitations in helping her. She will still learn somethings on her own through trial and error.
 
MIXMASTERMACHOM said:
There is nothing wrong with someone that has experience wanting to help someone that's starting out. Didn't we all need someones help at one time to teach us things we didn't know. When I first got back into DJing I bought a bunch of gear and I thought I would be able to hook it up myself. It had been years and the short story is I needed to get someone to help with setting up the gear. The point being I needed help with something I didn't know or in this case had forgotten.

Now there is nothing wrong with someone trying to help someone just getting started. All of us have made mistakes and hopefully learned from them to get to where we are today. So I say he should try to help her the best he can. He just needs to know his limitations in helping her. She will still learn somethings on her own through trial and error.
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Did you miss the part about her not really caring to learn more?
This whole improvement plan is his idea - not hers.
 
Proformance said:
Did you miss the part about her not really caring to learn more?
This whole improvement plan is his idea - not hers.
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I didn't see it like that. I watched the op post that he was looking to try to help out another DJ that feels has potential. Now from his posts obviously she needs work to get better and to become possibly a polished professional.

The way I see him posting it is that she is just starting out and could possibly use a helping hand. Me myself I use VDJ which is what he said he was trying to get her to buy. You don't know if him looking to help her will motivate her to want to get better.

I remember my very first gig when I came back. I thought I had practiced enough to do a super great job. It was my God sons graduation party in their backyard. I sucked real real real bad! I was determined to work hard to get back to the level of skill I had before. I've got that back and today I consider myself better then before. The big thing is it took hard work and dedication! I got that part together. Now it's time to sharpen my business skills.

No matter how much someone tries to help us it's up to us to want to get better in areas we need to improve in. So the decision is up to her. Stay the same or look at ways to improve what is needed. I say it that way because all can't be bad if he says he sees potential.
 
MIXMASTERMACHOM said:
No matter how much someone tries to help us it's up to us to want to get better in areas we need to improve in. So the decision is up to her. Stay the same or look at ways to improve what is needed.
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Heed thy own advice.
 
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MIXMASTERMACHOM said:
I didn't see it like that. I watched the op post that he was looking to try to help out another DJ that he feels has potential. Now from his posts obviously [he feels] she needs work to get better and to become possibly a polished professional.

The way I see him posting it is that she is just starting out and could possibly use a helping hand. Me myself I use VDJ which is what he said he was trying to get her to buy. You don't know if him looking to help her will motivate her to want to get better.

No matter how much someone tries to help us it's up to us to want to get better in areas we need to improve in. So the decision is up to her. Stay the same or look at ways to improve what is needed. I say it that way because all can't be bad if he says he sees potential.
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If it is up to her then why does your entire post reinforce what he wants for her?
How about we let his wife read his post and decide what mentoring is or isn't?
How about we let the OP come up with at least one significant reason why he needs to develop her potential?

I ain't that blind Mix. :)
 
Proformance said:
If it is up to her then why does your entire post reinforce what he wants for her?
How about we let his wife read his post and decide what mentoring is or isn't?
How about we let the OP come up with at least one significant reason why he needs to develop her potential?

I ain't that blind Mix. :)
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Let it go. You're assuming something and you know the old saying about assuming. You make an azz out of you and me.
 
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