Mentoring other DJ's

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Precisionpower

Precisionpower

Mac Daddy DJ
Mar 20, 2007
3,539
437
49
Appleton, WI
At what point do you throw in the towel??

I have a female "dj" that i sort of mentor.. She asks me alot of questions and stuff about how to go about things in this business and such...

She got her start in the bars... Runs off of Media monkey or some other 'free" player

She has seen me spin numerous times and says she just loves the "flow" of how i mix my music and stuff..

So i tell her we need to step up her "tools" and get her into VDJ and start learning the basic fundamentals of mixing and BPM and such... Well she was all for it till she realized that she has to spend $200 to get a legit copy of VDJ...

She is kind of all over the place when spinning.... Its kind of painful for me to watch, When i know she can do so much better... She was in broadcasting when in the Navy and has a great voice and personality..

She also has a Bose L1 system... But the entire show needs some serious polishing.. Which i cannot get her to do.

Last night she has a wedding, And calls me in a panic... "OMG Brian! One of my lights quit working!! It looks terrible without it! Can you loan me a light or 2??

So i said 'Sure" and brought her my Vue 3 and a couple of Mega bar 50's .

While im there she is asking me what to play etc.. I said "I'm not working tonight"
She did not like that answer one bit...

I had a moral battle with myself all the way there and back to my house. I've told her numerous times that she must reinvest money back into her company and cannot be living off all of the money she makes.
She was very flustered, So i couldnt even really tell her how i felt about the whole situation...

She doesnt charge much... ($250-$350 for a wedding i think) But here is a clear case of you get what you pay for.

Part of me says i should have not bailed her out...

Thoughts??
 
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You need to "tell it like it is" when discussing her shortfalls...which you have done so already, if I read your posting correctly. At first when I read your thread title I thought you were throwing in the towel. Perhaps you should cut the apron strings and let "tough" love into her life. Unless she's a relative, why worry about the post education. Move on with your life.
 
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Charge for the help you give her (5 of the Fee for the Gig). She will either stop asking or pony up. If she pays up, then be with her and train her every step of the way and let her know why you do what you do. If it was me and she did pay, then after a couple Gigs I will buy the DJ Software for her as a gift.

I don't have a problem mentoring someone neither do I have a problem helping someone but I have low tolerance for someone who wants to cut corners. Of course if asked for help I will share the way I do things and that way does not necessarily have to be my way, it is simply THE proven way that has been employed by others before me.
 
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ahoustondj said:
Charge for the help you give her (5 of the Fee for the Gig). She will either stop asking or pony up. If she pays up, then be with her and train her every step of the way and let her know why you do what you do. If it was me and she did pay, then after a couple Gigs I will buy the DJ Software for her as a gift.

I don't have a problem mentoring someone neither do I have a problem helping someone but I have low tolerance for someone who wants to cut corners. Of course if asked for help I will share the way I do things and that way does not necessarily have to be my way, it is simply THE proven way that has been employed by others before me.
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and as many of us know,the proven way may not be the best or only way to get things done efficiently.
 
if i comment i'll start WW5
 
Just tell her what you've posted here. Approach it with a calm & caring attitude. Confrontation will just get a negative reaction. I'd start with all the positives that you see and then work your way into your feelings and how you are perceiving things.

You can't make her into what you envision for her. You've given her the "map" and now it's time to let her "drive" on her own journey.

Honesty and Sincerity would be the way to go.

As far as future equipment failures, I'd let her know that for a nominal fee you'd be glad to provide said equipment to help out.

If you can, try not to destroy the relationship you've built, but instead, define the "boundaries" that you'll need to still be there as a friend.

Hope that helps. :)
 
CMWAT said:
and as many of us know,the proven way may not be the best or only way to get things done efficiently.
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If I tell you that if I present you with two 8 ohm speakers and tell you that running them in parallel will give you a resistance of 4 ohms, will you call that "My Way", just "A Way" or "The Way"?
 
just a way,because you giving me two 8 ohm speakers and putting them down in parallel without any wires,equipment and power gives you nothing period.so we look at things different,understood!!
 
Brian,I am sorry that I succumbed to the temptation to help derail this thread. I will attempt to keep my responses relevant and not help pick senseless arguments! Is is quite evident that there are a few who like to stir the pot!
 
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Precision Power: Happy Easter.

If one is going to be a "mentor", it needs to be serious, completely defined, and organized in your own mind first; kinda like having a business plan, ya know?

First and foremost, is a time frame. How long will you endure their failures? Failure to improve on self, on show, on presentation, on personality, on clothing choices, etc. Will you teach them everything you know or only everything they know? Are there any expectations on your end after the mentoring is gone as far as it can? How about on their end?

There is nothing that will create havoc in these mentoring situations more so than unspoken expectations and lack of a time frame, kinda like having a contract, ya know?

Having directly hands-on mentored two dozen men and women, and indirectly a couple dozen more, unless it's given from your heart, and working with someone who is wide open to learning yet maintaining their own stylings, and the type that does not forget where they came from when they make it, you're pissing up a rope.
 
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Cap Capello said:
Precision Power: If you're going to be a "mentor", it needs to be completely defined and organized in your own mind first; kinda like having a business plan, ya know?

First and foremost, is a time frame. How long will you endure their failures? Failure to improve on self, on show, on presentation, on personality, on clothing choices, etc. Will you teach them everything you know or only everything they know? Are there any expectations on your end after the mentoring is gone as far as it can? How about on their end?

There is nothing that will create havoc in these mentoring situations more so than unspoken expectations and lack of a time frame, kinda like having a contract, ya know?

Having directly hands-on mentored two dozen men and women, and indirectly a couple dozen more, unless it's given from your heart, and working with someone who is wide open to learning yet maintaining their own stylings, and the type that does not forget where they came from when they make it, you're pissing up a rope.
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Very eloquent, Mr. C. :)
 
Im not really sure as to what will happen when she gets to where i think she "could" be...
She reached out to me, Thats how
this whole deal came to be..

I just dont think she takes things serious enough right now. And she isnt a I-pod generation kid..
She is in her late 30's i think.

I see alot of potential in her ied guess, And would love to see her succeed in something she says she loves to do. And we have quic enough half assed "dj's" around here.. so i figured with a lil help she woulf rise to the surface quickly... but not so much from what i saw at the wedding.

The throwing in the towel part was directed at when do you stop offering help to someone thats not really serious??
 
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Let me get this straight... You are mentoring a bottom-feeder that can't deal with the stress of a light going out at a gig AND doesn't even work for you? Wow... I would call it a day with her and find an ambitious apprentice DJ you can spend your time & energy on.
 
I totally agree with what Cap has posted here....

When I talk with today's kids.... and talk about the investment required and the time needed to produce the shows that I do they look at me crosseyed like I'm nuts.... Like why don't I just hook up an iPod loaded with music and walk away... They have no concept of what BPM, Genre or reading a crowd is all about... to them since their iPod will DJ for them on their earbuds... why should doing it live in front of an audience be any different or for that matter harder.

I mean they can take iTunes and create playlists based on filters and that's good enough for them and it's easy.

Not only that but the whole concept of music costing money is practically foriegn to them... much less the cost of quality gear.... Just look at what the majority of bar (aka weekend warriors) bring.... two speakers on sticks the cheaper the better...

I was talking with a friend whom I had offered my services to for darn hear a $300 discount... and still they are squirming about price even after getting a $300,000.00 lawsuite settlement... and admitting that my sound system, which they've seen and heard, is better than the no name DJ company that says they will do the same thing as me for 300-400 bucks.... HA! I had all I could do but laugh at her.

But, again this is further proof of the mentality of today's kids.... they don't see the value in something they've been getting for free... all their lives.

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30 somthing????

Wow, I'd say she's just in it for the booze and the guys.... without knowing anything about her.
 
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jokerswild said:
When I talk with today's kids.... and talk about the investment required and the time needed to produce the shows that I do they look at me crosseyed like I'm nuts.... Like why don't I just hook up an iPod loaded with music and walk away... They have no concept of what BPM, Genre or reading a crowd is all about... to them since their iPod will DJ for them on their earbuds... why should doing it live in front of an audience be any different or for that matter harder.

I mean they can take iTunes and create playlists based on filters and that's good enough for them and it's easy.

Not only that but the whole concept of music costing money is practically foriegn to them... much less the cost of quality gear.... Just look at what the majority of bar (aka weekend warriors) bring.... two speakers on sticks the cheaper the better...

I was talking with a friend whom I had offered my services to for darn hear a $300 discount... and still they are squirming about price even after getting a $300,000.00 lawsuite settlement... and admitting that my sound system, which they've seen and heard, is better than the no name DJ company that says they will do the same thing as me for 300-400 bucks.... HA! I had all I could do but laugh at her.

But, again this is further proof of the mentality of today's kids.... they don't see the value in something they've been getting for free... all their lives.
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This is the prime reason I hesitate when some newbies come on the Forum asking for help. In their very first posts I can determine their mentality and would not indulge them by perpetuating the problem. If others want to join in and help that kind cut corners then by all means let them knock themselves out! I would rather show them the hard way with the correct type of equipment than encourage them in their foolhardiness.

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Precisionpower said:
Im not really sure as to what will happen when she gets to where i think she "could" be...
She reached out to me, Thats how
this whole deal came to be..

I just dont think she takes things serious enough right now. And she isnt a I-pod generation kid..
She is in her late 30's i think.

I see alot of potential in her ied guess, And would love to see her succeed in something she says she loves to do. And we have quic enough half assed "dj's" around here.. so i figured with a lil help she woulf rise to the surface quickly... but not so much from what i saw at the wedding.

The throwing in the towel part was directed at when do you stop offering help to someone thats not really serious??
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You do have to lay out the Guidelines and let her know that you can help if she would first help herself. This means she needs to emulate you. If not then you have to let things go!
 
sounds like she's got the skills and lacks the motivation...quite possibly content with coasting along instead of stepping out of her comfort zone and really going for it. Not much you can do but offer up what you can and cut the umbilical when it's too frustrating for you. Sounds like she doesn't really see the potential you do....or at least not enough to go after it. It's always a bummer, because from the outside you can tell where that person has the potential to be...but they, from the inside, either can't see it or won't invest enough motivation & effort in themselves to get there, or closer to there. I like that you told her you "weren't working" when asked about song lists, but also at the same time, feel just a little bad because if you are her mentor, should you leave her empty? Hard to say. Could certianly go either way. I understand your frustrations! Just remember, her failure isn't your failure, and you can only invest what you choose in the relationship.
 
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I feel worse for the bride and groom to tell you the truth Val.. But they hired a cheap "bottom feeder" as Maestro put it.

But, the fact remains that i dont know what Jolene promised to offer them... Maybe they were tickled pink at the end of the night, Maybe they weren't.... I'll find out when she brings my equipment back.

Jolene was embarrassed by the fact that her light show was crap after her centerpiece died on her... So i see a glinter of hope..

I guess Cap hit it on the head.. Either i get more serious in my role as a "Mentor" or i cut my strings.
The potential for her to be a great dj is there... Anyone of you would say the same thing. I just need to get her to realize it also.

And Val, When i told her i "Wasnt working" i told her to settle down, And just do her thing. How it went after that i dont know as i excused myself, and left.
Otherwise i think she was going to try to put me to work...lol
\
 
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