Client control vs DJ freedom

[Rami]

Just watched the episode with DJ Barr and Nick Spinelli about the Must Play / Do Not Play lists and it got me thinking…

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-EUCXMi1vg&t=1371s


How do you guys handle this with your couples?


Some DJs seem to love getting a big Must Play list because it helps guide the night and keeps the couple happy. Others feel like too much of a list turns into micromanaging and takes away from reading the room.


Personally, I go back and forth on it. I want to respect what the couple wants, but I also don’t want to feel locked into a rigid playlist where I can’t pivot if the dance floor needs something different.


So where do you stand?


– Do you encourage a detailed Must Play and Do Not Play list?
– Do you cap how many songs they can submit?
– Do you treat Must Plays as guarantees or just strong suggestions?
– Have you ever had a DNPL hurt the energy of the night?


Curious how everyone balances client control vs DJ freedom

 

[tunes4046]

Just watched the episode with DJ Barr and Nick Spinelli about the Must Play / Do Not Play lists and it got me thinking…

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-EUCXMi1vg&t=1371s


How do you guys handle this with your couples?


Some DJs seem to love getting a big Must Play list because it helps guide the night and keeps the couple happy. Others feel like too much of a list turns into micromanaging and takes away from reading the room.


Personally, I go back and forth on it. I want to respect what the couple wants, but I also don’t want to feel locked into a rigid playlist where I can’t pivot if the dance floor needs something different.


So where do you stand?


– Do you encourage a detailed Must Play and Do Not Play list?
– Do you cap how many songs they can submit?
– Do you treat Must Plays as guarantees or just strong suggestions?
– Have you ever had a DNPL hurt the energy of the night?


Curious how everyone balances client control vs DJ freedom

I usually ask for/get 10 must play 10 would really like and a list of songs they enjoy to give me an idea of their music taste

 

[Scott Hanna]

This is hardly ever an issue. I have a frank, polite discussion with them beforehand and tell them how I feel. I think it’s important to know what songs they and their family and friends like…and songs they don’t like.

However, I have been doing this for a while and I’m very confident that I will know how to read a room and know what other songs to play so don’t feel like you need to think of every song. But it is your day and I want to know what’s important to you.
In my experience, when people have tried and pick out every song, it gets nearly impossible to keep the dance floor full. So if that’s important for you, I’d recommend making me responsible for it.

I’d suggest you pick out up to 10 must play songs, and then besides that feel free to put some “play if possible” on the list if you’d like. But don’t feel like you have to. If anything about that doesn’t feel right give me a call and let’s discuss it.

 

[djtaso]

So Idk abotu Barr, but I'm pretty sure Nick addresses his approach in the consult phase, as do many of the SCE guys. WIth DJ Barr, being that I don't think he does bring this up nor do I believe he's as detailed oriented, I truly believe that's the root cause of where some of his situations come in to play. On another video he vented abotu how he bought a black tv booth and brought it to an event, yet the bride was upset and said he ruined her aesthetic by not doing the white one. In my mind I'm thinking why wasn't this discussed.

It seems like Barr is of the multi-op company mindset (which is where he was before going on his own), where they show up and do what they do, as opposed to Nick whose company is more boutique style and detail oriented bringing the couple's personality and style to the forefront.

With that said, my approach, which all couples are well aware of BEFORE they book is as follows... I work in layers:

- Describe to me the atmosphere you want me to create early on in the night (often catering to all ages and guests) and later on (usually catered to younger guests or targeted genres).
- Provide me Inspiration lists that best reflect the vibes you're asking me to create. These are NOT Must Plays. These can be anywhere from 20-100 songs... Idc. It helps paint a picture as to what they enjoy, but with no obligation to play all of them. I'm very good at getting a lot of them in, sometimes all... but it helps me get into the mindset of where my couples want to be, and if a particular genre works well, i can see what other ones I can drop in from their inspo list. It also helps me find some hidden gems... an example I use is Creed - Higher. When doing a punk rock set, many of us play the same ones over and over... but someone put this into their list... I had already played like 8 punk rock songs by this point and said hmm let me see how this goes over... cued it right before the chorus and the crowd response was amazing.
- 15-25 MUST PLAYS - These are the ones that HAVE to be heard. They're priority. The exacvt number is based on how much dancing there is. Typically 15 or so for 2hrs of dancing and add an extra 5 for every half hour.
- Do Not Plays - No limit on this. The honest truth is, there is SO much music out there that unless this person is just wants zero dancing music, I can find stuff that guests will generally react well with. Plus they're giving me inspirations to draw from and build. Likewise, I find do not play lists to be super generic and honestly I'm not the generic type. if you watch my videos, you'll see I try to stay away from anything that trendy brides would find "cringe".

Being that this approach is discussed ahead of time, it honestly has never been an issue or a point of conflict.

 

[Proformance]

With respect to weddings:

I'm essentially in the catering business - and the thing to be consumed is music, so I certainly want to know everything I can about the customer's preferences. I want the must plays, the don't plays, the thing's we like, and a description of any theme that surrounds the event.

I'm not looking for an instruction list, I just want to know exactly who my customer is and what they want to experience or share with everyone. That's the attraction of a DJ - a customer can musically go virtually anywhere and everywhere they and their guests might enjoy.

For the most part - I seek out customers who care about the guest experience. Yes, the B&G are the guests of honor - but a wedding reception is a shared experience, not a show.

 

[tunes4046]

With respect to weddings:

I'm essentially in the catering business - and the thing to be consumed is music, so I certainly want to know everything I can about the customer's preferences. I want the must plays, the don't plays, the thing's we like, and a description of any theme that surrounds the event.

I'm not looking for an instruction list, I just want to know exactly who my customer is and what they want to experience or share with everyone. That's the attraction of a DJ - a customer can musically go virtually anywhere and everywhere they and their guests might enjoy.

For the most part - I seek out customers who care about the guest experience. Yes, the B&G are the guests of honor - but a wedding reception is a shared experience, not a show.

Agreed if they are just giving you a complete list of all the music they want play they should be converted to rental customer make sure they have Spotify and rent them a speaker

 

[DJ Ricky B]

In my mind I want to look at it like this...

Pay me $600 to DJ your wedding. I play want I want when I want. You can pick your first dance and parent dance songs. Everything else is up to me including your intro song... parking is free or I'm charging you for it! You want lights? That's extra!...I'm having a few cocktails/beers while I DJ...I'm wearing a "No Requests" T Shirt! No phone call necessary. Email me your 3 song choices. See you at the reception!

Pay me $1,500 - Pick all of your special songs. Give me 10-15 MUST PLAY Songs and those will be played during dancing no matter what. Send me a list of songs for everything else and I will call it "Play if Possible" or "Request" and I will work as many of them in as I can. Requests from guests are fine. Let's have a phone call to go over everything a week or two before the wedding.

Pay me $3,000 - Your every wish and musical desire will be done. Customized first dance mix? My Pleasure! Send me a list of 1,000 songs...I don't care. I'll accept with a smile! Let's have some long deep dive conversations to plan everything before the big day!


More Money get's More Service!

Or should all DJs provide high end level service regardless of compensation?

 

[tunes4046]

In my mind I want to look at it like this...

Pay me $600 to DJ your wedding. I play want I want when I want. You can pick your first dance and parent dance songs. Everything else is up to me including your intro song... parking is free or I'm charging you for it! You want lights? That's extra!...I'm having a few cocktails/beers while I DJ...I'm wearing a "No Requests" T Shirt! No phone call necessary. Email me your 3 song choices. See you at the reception!

Pay me $1,500 - Pick all of your special songs. Give me 10-15 MUST PLAY Songs and those will be played during dancing no matter what. Send me a list of songs for everything else and I will call it "Play if Possible" or "Request" and I will work as many of them in as I can. Requests from guests are fine. Let's have a phone call to go over everything a week or two before the wedding.

Pay me $3,000 - Your every wish and musical desire will be done. Customized first dance mix? My Pleasure! Send me a list of 1,000 songs...I don't care. I'll accept with a smile! Let's have some long deep dive conversations to plan everything before the big day!


More Money get's More Service!

Or should all DJs provide high end level service regardless of compensation?

Your price should vary depending on the vision the couple is trying to create and what it takes to make that happen. That being said you always at least and preferably exceed the expectations set forth in the contract

Most clients except low end client hate itemized bills with charges for every little thing, plus it puts you in a situation where they can renegotiate later by removing items from the quote as the get closer to the event and money may get tight, sell their dream not a product

 

[MIXMASTERMACHOM]

The big thing I see is having a good conversation with a client to find out what they want you to do. If they want to give you a bunch of songs to play at an event, it should be given in a timely manner so you can go over the list and if you don't have a certain song you have enough time to get it if possible. Also there should be a discussion about the list and if they want to stay strictly with the list without any changes or can you improvise and do what you feel will make the event better.

What I find is in the initial contact with a potential client you should find out as much as you can about the event to decide if you want to agree to do the event. I don't see anything wrong with turning down an event if you don't feel comfortable with doing the event. Some DJs are gig whores. They will agree to do any event just because there's money to be made.

 

[tunes4046]

The big thing I see is having a good conversation with a client to find out what they want you to do. If they want to give you a bunch of songs to play at an event, it should be given in a timely manner so you can go over the list and if you don't have a certain song you have enough time to get it if possible. Also there should be a discussion about the list and if they want to stay strictly with the list without any changes or can you improvise and do what you feel will make the event better.

What I find is in the initial contact with a potential client you should find out as much as you can about the event to decide if you want to agree to do the event. I don't see anything wrong with turning down an event if you don't feel comfortable with doing the event. Some DJs are gig whores. They will agree to do any event just because there's money to be made.

Mix just stop. You look for more reasons to turn down gigs than anyone I know. Most want a challenge to learn something new maybe a genre you’re less familiar with or a type of event you’ve never done before. All you have to do is be honest with the client and explain that you have limited experience in what they are looking for but you are excited for a chance to learn and grow if they would let you work with them at making their event perfect. Once you loose the passion to learn and grow. It’s time to hang up the headphones. And enjoy the quiet times ahead

 

[MIXMASTERMACHOM]

Mix just stop. You look for more reasons to turn down gigs than anyone I know. Most want a challenge to learn something new maybe a genre you’re less familiar with or a type of event you’ve never done before. All you have to do is be honest with the client and explain that you have limited experience in what they are looking for but you are excited for a chance to learn and grow if they would let you work with them at making their event perfect. Once you loose the passion to learn and grow. It’s time to hang up the headphones. And enjoy the quiet times ahead

Let me say this sir. It's not always about the type of music a client wants in our case. At times we've said no to doing an event due to where the event is to take place. It could be who the event is for, the crowd that's attending the event and what they want at the event.

There are those clients who want a DJ who will only want to play songs with explicit lyrics and will tell the DJ it's OK. I personally don't like playing songs that have explicit lyrics in the song. Normally that type of client/crowd is a rough crowd and no telling what can happen.

We did a few events at this cigar lounge. One of the guys said it was OK for us to play the songs with explicit lyrics. The lounge was in a not so nice area. A couple of times they had strippers come and perform at the event. One time someone said that the strippers need to get with the DJ. I was there to make money and not give some away.

Personally I out grew strippers. I used to go to strip clubs but not anymore. The guys there were going crazy but I wasn't.

Now let me say this. There's a TV show that's been on TV since the 70's. The Price Is Right. Sometimes the price is wrong. That's a reason why I have turned down doing some events. Now in some cases some events are best to say no because of the crowd attending the event and alcohol being involved. Not every potential client is having an event in a classy venue and that's another reason I have turned down doing an event. In other words if I don't feel comfortable about doing an event for a potential client I will say no to doing the event for them and let them keep looking.

 

[Proformance]

In my mind I want to look at it like this...

Pay me $600 to DJ your wedding. I play want I want when I want. You can pick your first dance and parent dance songs. Everything else is up to me including your intro song... parking is free or I'm charging you for it! You want lights? That's extra!...I'm having a few cocktails/beers while I DJ...I'm wearing a "No Requests" T Shirt! No phone call necessary. Email me your 3 song choices. See you at the reception!

Pay me $1,500 - Pick all of your special songs. Give me 10-15 MUST PLAY Songs and those will be played during dancing no matter what. Send me a list of songs for everything else and I will call it "Play if Possible" or "Request" and I will work as many of them in as I can. Requests from guests are fine. Let's have a phone call to go over everything a week or two before the wedding.

Pay me $3,000 - Your every wish and musical desire will be done. Customized first dance mix? My Pleasure! Send me a list of 1,000 songs...I don't care. I'll accept with a smile! Let's have some long deep dive conversations to plan everything before the big day!


More Money get's More Service!

Or should all DJs provide high end level service regardless of compensation?

This is exactly the attitude that would prevent someone from making a living in this field.
I take it you have always had some other wage paying job?

I provide the same level of dedication whether I'm being paid $600 or $18,000. What differs from one client to the next is the level of complexity. Booking gigs is not the place start exercises in self-esteem. We should have that before we begin, and not be looking for it in someone else's purchase power.

What is the difference between a skill and a job? Are we appropriately aware of when a skill related to a job is not actually necessary for that job? Do we have skills unrelated to that job that add greater value to what we offer?

Ego is a poor replacement for value.

 

[MIXMASTERMACHOM]

In my mind I want to look at it like this...

Pay me $600 to DJ your wedding. I play want I want when I want. You can pick your first dance and parent dance songs. Everything else is up to me including your intro song... parking is free or I'm charging you for it! You want lights? That's extra!...I'm having a few cocktails/beers while I DJ...I'm wearing a "No Requests" T Shirt! No phone call necessary. Email me your 3 song choices. See you at the reception!

Pay me $1,500 - Pick all of your special songs. Give me 10-15 MUST PLAY Songs and those will be played during dancing no matter what. Send me a list of songs for everything else and I will call it "Play if Possible" or "Request" and I will work as many of them in as I can. Requests from guests are fine. Let's have a phone call to go over everything a week or two before the wedding.

Pay me $3,000 - Your every wish and musical desire will be done. Customized first dance mix? My Pleasure! Send me a list of 1,000 songs...I don't care. I'll accept with a smile! Let's have some long deep dive conversations to plan everything before the big day!


More Money get's More Service!

Or should all DJs provide high end level service regardless of compensation?

Ricky that would depend on the individual DJ. What I believe when it comes to doing a private event is that any guest at an event can turn into a client. If the DJ does a good enough of a job someone may come up to the DJ asking if that DJ can do an event for them or someone else they know who needs a DJ. As far as giving a client a bunch of extras without changing for them is up to the DJ. I see Bob must not know that you have a job besides being a DJ. For some the amount of money they are being paid doesn't matter to them. Their concern is making sure that the client and their guests are happy with the service they provided.

 

[Proformance]

Sometimes the price is wrong. That's a reason why I have turned down doing some events.

I think you mean the PAY is wrong,

Pay - is what an employer sets. (A person offering you work.)

Price - is what a vendor solicits from potential prospects/customers.

From what I can gather in your posts - you are simply responding to other people's solicitations for your assistance. You're not setting prices - you are simply accepting or declining someone else's offer of remuneration.

 

[MIXMASTERMACHOM]

I think you mean the PAY is wrong,

Pay - is what an employer sets. (A person offering you work.)

Price - is what a vendor solicits from potential prospects/customers.

From what I can gather in your posts - you are simply responding to other people's solicitations for your assistance. You're not setting prices - you are simply accepting or declining someone else's offer of remuneration.

Sir I have given clients in the past a price to do an event for them. Some will agree to the price I quote them and some want to negotiate on the price. Sometimes I have agreed with the price they want to pay as long as it's not too far off from the price I quoted them and sometimes the price they want to pay is not enough to get me to do the event. It's just that simple.

 

[tunes4046]

Sir I have given clients in the past a price to do an event for them. Some will agree to the price I quote them and some want to negotiate on the price. Sometimes I have agreed with the price they want to pay as long as it's not too far off from the price I quoted them and sometimes the price they want to pay is not enough to get me to do the event. It's just that simple.

Mix that fact of the matter is that at least on this forum you don’t present yourself as business person, you don’t use the language the way a proper professional would,

 

[DJ Ricky B]

This is exactly the attitude that would prevent someone from making a living in this field.
I take it you have always had some other wage paying job?

I provide the same level of dedication whether I'm being paid $600 or $18,000. What differs from one client to the next is the level of complexity. Booking gigs is not the place start exercises in self-esteem. We should have that before we begin, and not be looking for it in someone else's purchase power.

What is the difference between a skill and a job? Are we appropriately aware of when a skill related to a job is not actually necessary for that job? Do we have skills unrelated to that job that add greater value to what we offer?

Ego is a poor replacement for value.

I disagree. This isn't about ego at all.

A DJ willing to do a wedding for $600 in 2026 SHOULD be giving a lower level of basic service. There should likely be elements of their service that isn't included compared to what higher priced DJs include. The quality of performance should be much lower than a DJ charging 3K for example. The presentation of their gear should not be the same. How they dress should not be the same. How they handle most preparation should not be the same. If there is a DJ out there giving a very similar level of service and quality to their clients at a $600 price point vs DJs charging $3,000, then that DJ is undercutting themselves, and does not know how to price themselves accordingly. Clients who only want to spend $600 on a DJ in today's market SHOULD be expecting less service, and have lower expectations with how everything turns out as well.

Sure there are higher levels of complexity with weddings. Logistics, larger weddings. Higher budgets and bigger expectations. That should be commensurate with the DJ the couple chooses who is charging more accordingly in line with their event.

It would be poor thinking on the customer's part to walk into Apple Bees or Denny's and expecting the same or similar level of service and quality of food that they would receive at Ruth Chris, or Gordon Ramsey Steak.

It would be poor thinking to book a room at Motel 6 or a Super 8 motel and think that the quality of the room, and overall experience will be similar to staying at the Ritz Carlton or the Four Seasons. There should even be a good level of difference between the experience at a Super 8, and the experience at a normal hotel like the Holiday Inn or Marriot.

 

[tunes4046]

I disagree. This isn't about ego at all.

A DJ willing to do a wedding for $600 in 2026 SHOULD be giving a lower level of basic service. There should likely be elements of their service that isn't included compared to what higher priced DJs include. The quality of performance should be much lower than a DJ charging 3K for example. The presentation of their gear should not be the same. How they dress should not be the same. How they handle most preparation should not be the same. If there is a DJ out there giving a very similar level of service and quality to their clients at a $600 price point vs DJs charging $3,000, then that DJ is undercutting themselves, and does not know how to price themselves accordingly. Clients who only want to spend $600 on a DJ in today's market SHOULD be expecting less service, and have lower expectations with how everything turns out as well.

Sure there are higher levels of complexity with weddings. Logistics, larger weddings. Higher budgets and bigger expectations. That should be commensurate with the DJ the couple chooses who is charging more accordingly in line with their event.

It would be poor thinking on the customer's part to walk into Apple Bees or Denny's and expecting the same or similar level of service and quality of food that they would receive at Ruth Chris, or Gordon Ramsey Steak.

It would be poor thinking to book a room at Motel 6 or a Super 8 motel and think that the quality of the room, and overall experience will be similar to staying at the Ritz Carlton or the Four Seasons. There should even be a good level of difference between the experience at a Super 8, and the experience at a normal hotel like the Holiday Inn or Marriot.

Every performance is an audition always put your best foot forward you never know who is in the room

 

[DJ Ricky B]

Every performance is an audition always put your best foot forward you never know who is in the room

I agree! However, shouldn't that be relative to what the client is paying, and what the event needs are?

If you are a DJ used to charging $3,000 per event...why would you execute the same level of service for an event you are only charging $600 for? Or maybe the question should be why in the world would a 3K DJ go and do a similiar event for $600? How is that fair to all the clients paying 3K?

Like sure, maybe I would go and do a low key summer wedding at the local outdoor park pavillion for $600/4 hours in the afternoon, show up 45-50 minutes before I Start to load in and set up, and wear Shorts and a T shirt cuz it's 85 degrees outside, and bring a light sound system to do it. I'm not going to go and do a 4 hour wedding reception at the wedding mansion 90 minute drive away on a Saturday Night, and wear a Tux, and use a premium sound system and lighting, and spend hours in discussions with the client pre event, wear a Ralph Lauren Tux, and use $15,000 in sound and lighting, and spend 3 hours loading in to set everything up for the same $600. This higher budget wedding client wants a much higher level of service This level of event simply requires a lot more compensation and a far higher level of service/time/involvement.

 

[tunes4046]

I agree! However, shouldn't that be relative to what the client is paying, and what the event needs are?

If you are a DJ used to charging $3,000 per event...why would you execute the same level of service for an event you are only charging $600 for? Or maybe the question should be why in the world would a 3K DJ go and do a similiar event for $600? How is that fair to all the clients paying 3K?

Like sure, maybe I would go and do a low key summer wedding at the local outdoor park pavillion for $600/4 hours in the afternoon, show up 45-50 minutes before I Start to load in and set up, and wear Shorts and a T shirt cuz it's 85 degrees outside, and bring a light sound system to do it. I'm not going to go and do a 4 hour wedding reception at the wedding mansion 90 minute drive away on a Saturday Night, and wear a Tux, and use a premium sound system and lighting, and spend hours in discussions with the client pre event, wear a Ralph Lauren Tux, and use $15,000 in sound and lighting, and spend 3 hours loading in to set everything up for the same $600. This higher budget wedding client wants a much higher level of service This level of event simply requires a lot more compensation and a far higher level of service/time/involvement.

I would give the same level of attention to detail, however they wouldn’t have a complete ultimate package,set up would be neat organized and very professional just looking, just my basic Ape light light package, no ceremony, no added effects or dancing on clouds, spark machines, no up lights, just a very simple tasteful professional looking set up