Weddings Who would be the boss?

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Papa Deuce

Mac Daddy DJ
Aug 8, 2006
19,843
594
64
Valley Forge Area
Somewhat hypothetical, but I did have this happen, except that the wedding was canceled.

Bride and Groom have no money. The bride's parents hire you, and give you a play list, and THEY cut the check. Week later the bride sends you a must play list that is diametrically opposed to what the parents have told you they want.

Don't give me any wishy washy answers. I don't want to hear about how you try to have everybody sit down and work this all out.... and the reason I am saying this is that the father of the bride flat out told me that he was paying for it, and not his daughter, and beyond a few songs, it wasn't up to her.

This wedding was canceled a few weeks before it was supposed to occur. I got to keep the deposit. Honestly, I was with her dad on this one. So, I never really had my back up against the wall at an event.

BTW, the reason the parents were the ones who contacted me was because the "kids" were away... in the military.
 
Sorry...I would have them attempt to work it out. When that doesn't work, you usually end up with the exact result that you got.

However, push comes to shove...I do answer to whomever signed the contract.
(As a side note...I have never, yet, had a parent sign a contract. I've gotten the check from them sometimes, however it has always been the bride's signature on the contract.)
 
Big Dan said:
I would have to say the Bride and Groom. I feel that when someone pays for services for a wedding they're giving it as a gift and once the gift is given they have no control over it.
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OK, I buy that - usually. But in this case the dad specifically said that with the exception of a few songs, it wasn't OK for his daughter to pick the songs. So knowing that in advance, does that change your decision?
 
Yes. I probably wouldn't take the gig. It seems like a recipe for a tug of war with you in the middle.

Not for nothing with the generation gap between father and daughter, he doesn't know what she and her friends like and it's her day. So long as she wasn't requesting off the wall stuff I see no reason why dad would need to cease control like that other then him maybe having some issues of his own.
 
Big Dan said:
Yes. I probably wouldn't take the gig. It seems like a recipe for a tug of war with you in the middle.

Not for nothing with the generation gap between father and daughter, he doesn't know what she and her friends like and it's her day. So long as she wasn't requesting off the wall stuff I see no reason why dad would need to cease control like that other then him maybe having some issues of his own.
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Oh, he had issues. But the crux of the matter, I think, was that according to him, his daughter changed her whole lifestyle when she entered the military, and was not really a "nice girl" anymore. While in Iraq she started listening to ganster rap, according to him. And he really didn't like his future son in law, I later found out. Basically a lot of this came to light after the contract was signed.

It definitely was a tug of war, and it sucked... I was glad when it canceled. I WOULD - I think - mostly have given the dad what he wanted, but maybe would have tried to sneak a few more in for the B & G.....

This would not happen to me again. That is for sure.
 
I think I would fake sick hire a $300 craiglist DJ to fill in for me. That would be my first thought.

I would feel some kind of compromise would need to happen, but the person that signs my contract is who makes the decision. I have many parents pay for weddings I tell the bride and groom to sign the contract not their parents. I have had to explain to a father once that it wasn't who paid for the event it was who signed the legal contract.
 
Papa Deuce said:
This would not happen to me again. That is for sure.
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I often have a parent sign the contract and pay the $$, and hate being stuck in the middle of a family tug-of-war over music. It's a lose-lose situation.

Awhile back, after reading about it on one of the chat boards, I inserted the following clause in my contract:

3) The Client agrees that the Bride & Groom shall have complete control over the planning of and the music selections for their wedding ceremony and reception

If the person signing the contract is the B or G, I delete the clause before sending the contract to them.
 
My wedding contract specifically states bride and groom have final say in all music selections.
 
Well, technically, Joe (and Cap) are correct. The person who signs the contract is the person we're working for.

That said, I'm gonna presume that most contracts do not stipulate specific songs or genres of music. So signing the contract isn't synonymous with dictating the playlist.
 
So Cal Hugh said:
I would have approached the B&G and asked them to work it out with the dad, or accept the terms of him being the music boss.
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Yeah, well, I tried that about 12 dozen times.... it wasn't gonna happen, and that is why I asked for no wishy washy answers...
 
I agree with Rick.
I would, as nice as possible, let the bride & groom, and father know that I have final say in the music selection. I certainly want their input and want everyone to be happy, but if they have made it clear that someone is not going to be happy, so be it.

I would let them know that the lists they are requesting are dramatically different, and unless there is a voice of reason, this could turn into a train wreck.

If BOTH parties cannot live with that, I will gladly cancel the agreement if it was signed already. If we had not signed, I would walk away.

For most parties, it's the person who writes the check. For a wedding, it's the bride and groom. If the the 2 parties are different and having a conflict...I will decide.
 
Scott Hanna said:
I agree with Rick.
I would, as nice as possible, let the bride & groom, and father know that I have final say in the music selection. I certainly want their input and want everyone to be happy, but if they have made it clear that someone is not going to be happy, so be it.

I would let them know that the lists they are requesting are dramatically different, and unless there is a voice of reason, this could turn into a train wreck.

If BOTH parties cannot live with that, I will gladly cancel the agreement if it was signed already. If we had not signed, I would walk away.

For most parties, it's the person who writes the check. For a wedding, it's the bride and groom. If the the 2 parties are different and having a conflict...I will decide.
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It may not matter to you, but if you told the father this, there would have been a DJ other than you or Rick.
 
Papa Deuce said:
It may not matter to you, but if you told the father this, there would have been a DJ other than you or Rick.
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Exactly, it does not matter to me. I don't like to turn away business, but I won't walk into what I know will be a train wreck. If the father can't live with my terms, I would gladly cancel the agreement and he can find another DJ. I'd wish him good luck.
 
Papa Deuce said:
Don't give me any wishy washy answers. I don't want to hear about how you try to have everybody sit down and work this all out.... and the reason I am saying this is that the father of the bride flat out told me that he was paying for it, and not his daughter, and beyond a few songs, it wasn't up to her.
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Okay, here's my non-wishy washy response.

He says that to me and he gets his check back to hire someone that gives a crap.

The end.


.
 
Been there done that. I was hired by the mother of the groom. She and her son liked country music and hated pop/hip-hop, the bride liked pop/hip-hop and hated country. In the first planning meeting is when this came to light. After about an hour of them fighting the MoG looks at me and said, "I am the one paying you, you WILL play what I want you to play." I took my checkbook out and told them that I was not the DJ for them and left.

I was hired by the Bride a year and half later to DJ her wedding to someone else. She told me that they broke up that night because she could not take his "controlling" mother anymore. Party was great and i still see her and her husband from time to time when I DJ/KJ a bar. They follow me on Facebook.
 
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