Shoud I just leave well enough alone (Long)

To many ads? Support ODJT and see no ads!
nextgen1

nextgen1

DJ Extraordinaire
Sep 23, 2006
3,178
784
62
Waterford, CA.
www.tngdj.com
Ok guys and gals I have a wedding coming up in 3 weeks. I see a huge potential for lag and drag at this wedding. Here is something she wrote word for word on my online planner.

Reception starts at 3:00, there will be a coctail hour until 4:00. Then the wedding party will arrive and we want to walk into the Peanuts Theme song. Then we will walk around and say hi to people for about 45 min, then dinner will be called for at 4:45. Dinner will be served at 5:00. We want to maybe do the toasts as dinner is finishing up, I'm sure the best man will start, then the maid of honor, the my dad, then Brian's dad, then all my friends will want to say something and maybe my mom will say something. I don't want this to last forever, but I do want to let people talk if they really want to.

Then we will do the special dances starting with bride and groom first dance, then father daughter dance, then mother son.

Then we will cut the cake to "How Sweet It Is" by Marvin Gaye. Then we can do the bouquet toss and the garter toss. Then move into the money dance. I want the money dance to last awhile, enough time to get some money for the honeymoon! View attachment smile.gif Then bring everyone on the dance floor. Then it will turn into a dance party with an open bar the whole night!

I guess the big thing to let you know is that Brian and I have to leave no later than 8:15 pm to catch the plane to the honeymooon. We are really leaving that night for our honeymoon!
So I guess a little of this plan I have is up for movement, but I think I like it for the most part. I just want to make sure we get all the stuff in by the time Brian and I have to leave.

I think after we leave some people might stick around, but you would know better than me about that! My wedding planner said from her experiance after we cut the cake it gives people the "ok" to leave. So I wanted the move the cake cuting to a little later and do the special dances first.



Now here is what I would like to send but have not yet. Also please ignore all spelling and bad grammar my wife will be correcting it all if I send it.


Hi Denae,

In the next couple of days I would like to call you and talk with about the flow of your event. I have a few concerns that I really wanted you to be aware of. It's not that big of a deal but given the size of your wedding (250 People) and the total time frame of things. As a professional I felt that I should at least let you know what I see. Now since I do not know your family or friends many things depend on that. Now understand that this is your day and people should realize that.

I also do not want to make you feel rushed nor see a lag on your reception. During the dinner time and leading up to your open dancing this time is usually filled with (Photographs, Goodbyes, Bathroom, Conversations with long lost family and friends etc etc.) With a very large wedding especially when dinner is being served (this takes quite a while even with a very fast company).

This is usually when the professional wedding goer some young and some old. Will feel that a nudge is in order to get things going. Many people do not understand a flow of events or the bride and grooms wishes being served. For me on my end I simply want you to have a great time and enjoy your reception with out people pushing you. Now understand I'm not trying to change anything about your reception or anything that you want to do.

I'm simply writing this to you as your Master of Ceremony's and DJ so that you can know what to expect. I don't like to see my brides stressed on there day because of guests or family members pushing them when they should really just be enjoying the reception. With an open bar comes the very true phrase (A sober mans thoughts are a drunk mans actions :) ). Down below I have added to your time line to show you the reality of what the time will more that likely actually look like. Remember we do this about every week or every other week during wedding season.


1. Reception starts at 3:00

2. There will be a cocktail hour until 4:00.

3. Then the wedding party will arrive and we want to walk into the Peanuts Theme song. Then we will walk around and say hi to people for about 45 min, then dinner will be called for at 4:45. Dinner will be served at 5:00.

4. (MC/DJ Adding here) Dinner will take 1/2 to 1 hour to be served (lets say 45 minutes to be right in the middle.) I would say at this time tell your caterers right after dinner to start pouring for the toasts many will try and clear plates at this time. I understand why they do it but it will slow you down. If you are toasting with what ever folks have on the table you can have the caterers tell me when they are done serving and we can do the toast then.

Time right then will be about 6:15 including toasts (Times not totally accurate I don't use time lines any more only flow of events time lines are mainly for having people or dinner set at a certain time. At receptions they get messed up quickly because of all the above). As you can see your guests are 3 hours into your reception. This is when the professional wedding goers will feel that your event needs a push and when they will start pushing the bride and groom to get things moving.

And the event dances have not even started. Lets add 1 more hour for them including cake cutting and money dance. So right there your looking about 4 hours or 7:15 again these are just experienced guesstamations. Now understand that throwing some open dancing in there simply puts you farther behind on your event dances and then you just end up clearing a floor and people become very unhappy.

To be honest the only place you could cut time from if you wish to do all the things that you desire would be the 45 minutes that your using to walk the room before dinner. I have most of my brides and grooms walk the room after dinner because they are the first to be served and the first done and even then you must not get held up at tables and believe me people will try and hold you up. The only way to do this would be having your dinner a little earlier.

Again this email is not to stress you though it might cause you some but that is not my intent. My intent is to see you have a great day with no stress and have a great time with your family and friends telling you what a great time they had. If of course you know all this then no problemo.

Your DJ Dave
 
Thanks, Dave.

The only issue I see here is the two hour wait for dinner. We've seen this happen and it's not a pretty sight. Unless there's an hors d'oeuvres bar guests shouldn't have to wait two hours before dinner is served. Just my opinion.

That said, you may wish to review your response to the bride and make it a bit more concise if you can. The shorter, the better, lol. There's really a lot of info in your letter that you folks could discuss over the phone or in person.

Thoughts?
 
Fred Wright said:
Thanks, Dave.

The only issue I see here is the two hour wait for dinner. We've seen this happen and it's not a pretty sight. Unless there's an hors d'oeuvres bar guests shouldn't have to wait two hours before dinner is served. Just my opinion.

That said, you may wish to review your response to the bride and make it a bit more concise if you can. The shorter, the better, lol. There's really a lot of info in your letter that you folks could discuss over the phone or in person.

Thoughts?
Click to expand...


Fred I will say that she is bringing the good stuff. When she told me about the hors d'oeuvres bar and the choclate fountains, open bar she is going all out for her guests. And again Fred I'm not even sure I want to say anything and then if she gets the push I can simply ask her what she wants to do. I really hate the money dance to the point I pulled it off my planner they now have to ask for it.
 
SoftJock Rick said:
Me thinks yer reading too much into it Dave...

She's trying to give you a heads up to what she wants, and leaving for the honeymoon on time, appears to be her paramount issue -- do what she asks :)
Click to expand...


Yea to be honest with you Rick that had been my thought all along. But I wasn't sure if I should tell her anything or just let her event take its natural course and if she gets the push then just make her happy.
 
Brother Dave,

Sometimes ya just gotta keep an eyeball on the clock. Sometimes, everybody and his uncle will get the mic and ramble on forever. :rolleyes:

Often, the B&G will get wrapped up in the festivities. Then someone says "Oh, look at the time!" :eek:

Sometimes ya just gotta take charge and get the itinerary done and out of the way. The photographers will love you for this, trust me.

Knowing you, I feel confident that you'll give this B&G a professional show. :)
 
Fred Wright said:
Brother Dave,

Sometimes ya just gotta keep an eyeball on the clock. Sometimes, everybody and his uncle will get the mic and ramble on forever. :rolleyes:

Often, the B&G will get wrapped up in the festivities. Then someone says "Oh, look at the time!" :eek:

Sometimes ya just gotta take charge and get the itinerary done and out of the way. The photographers will love you for this, trust me.

Knowing you, I feel confident that you'll give this B&G a professional show. :)
Click to expand...


I'm on that to Fred I told her that I needed to know the names of people toasting (4 of them)and that if there was an open mic time how long she wanted to let it go. That part is done. But thank you it is good advice. I would say that I'm very good a giving them a gentle nudge in fact I tell them in preplanning one of the reasons they are highering me is to keep up the flow. Now if I try and do my job and I get push back from a bride or groom that is as far as I will take it.

This rarely happens most are happy to have me move them along to keep the flow. But It does happen. I had one friday. I told her it was time for her first dance and she told me she wanted 15 minutes more to walk around the room. Ok no problem, At that point I no longer push but I will be back in 15 minutes ). I kept getting people asking me when the open dance would start and I informed them after the formalites. This was one of 2 reasons this weekend that I thought about flow and maybe informing a certain bride about her flow that I started in another thread.
 
Heres what I think you should do.

You are correct in your need to address these issues before the reception. And good on your part for wanting to give a more realistic time line.

Ok...do not send that long email. Send a short one about needing to go over some things in the time line of the night. The bride will be thankful that you help her decide a better route to what she desires.

I have had couples do a list like this, and I let them know a more realistic timeline to expect. My couples sometimes do not see the little things that happen, and what slows down the transitions of the night. Sometimes I am met with hesitation, but then I reassure them about things that can be done to help follow the guideline, it makes it a lot easier on me and the couple.

This couple will...er should appreciate your honesty in trying to help the night flow like it will.

I had a wedding in which this groom had this detailed flow of the night. Here is his thinking.....I am speaking like him right now...

We have our wedding at 4pm, we will be at the hall at 4:30, we will have supper til 5:30. We will let people do their speeches at 5:00 Play kids songs until 6pm, and then we will start the dance. By 7pm do the garter and bouquet at the same time, then do the money dance at 7:30. We will have our last dance at 10pm and leave.

I said ok..heres a few issues.

1) If your wedding is at 4..your wedding wont be done til 4:30. Then you will normally have people wanting to shake your hand and give hugs and such which will last about 15-20 minutes. Then add 10 minutes for the drive. There you are looking at 5:00-5:15 arrive to the hall.

2) Once you get all settled in, and have the intros done and such, the guest will not start eating until 5:30. Supper should take about 1 hour. We will play kids songs as soon as appropriate. Toasts can be done anytime you wish.

3) Start of first dance should be roughly 6:45 or so, and the bouquet and garter will likely be done more towards 7:30-7:45. The money dance will be done at roughly 8:15-8:30. The rest is not a problem.

After letting him know a more realistic timeline...he was looking at me like..."NO, thats not how it is going to go." But finally his fiance finally said something in the lines of..."that's about right."


So here is how the night really went....

I wait at door from 4:45-5:45...they finally arrive. Do grand intros...and they start eating. The guests were allowed to eat before the bride and groom, which saved some time. Pretty much as soon as the meal started...he made his groomsmen and such do their speeches. They rushed to eat, and cut the cake. He was trying to make things to his timeline.

We started first dance at about 6:45, and did the bouquet and garter by 7:15. We had the dollar dance done by 7:40. They left at 9:30.

I was personally disturbed he wanted to rush like he did. I know its up to them, but in the first hour and a half we pretty much had all the extra stuff done, and it was kinda a slow start, hard to get people on the floor.

The bride claims between all the weddings her and her family has been to, she got the best one. :sqbiggrin: They are from california...lol.

Anyways...keep your email simple, and follow up with your concerns on the phone. And, yes I know she will appreciate your honesty and concerns.

Thanks for bringing up this topic. As mentioned...I know you will knock it out of the park. Keep us informed on what you do.
 
There's not much wrong with this itinerary at all. If it's what the bride wants, it's what she gets! However....

As a professional wedding vendor, I would recommend that they open the bar for the reception at 3pm, but wait and start the hors d'oeuvres until at least 3:30 and keep that going until about 4:45, then serve dinner. I am not sure what the whole 15 minutes there where she says "dinner will be called" is about, but basically, she's looking at dinner to start at 5pm. That's fine.

I would recommend that she keep a leash on the whole passing the mic thing and have a list of who will speak - or it will go on all night.

I would recommend cutting the cake before the dances, so that the staff can get it cut up and served for people while the special dances are going on. There's nothing wrong with doing that after the dances either, but it's an idea.

As for the dances, there will be plenty of time after dinner and toasts. I would recommend that the bride and groom do their last dance no later than 8pm, because it will take them awhile to be able to leave the room. Folks will want to say a final congratulations and etc.

I would not send such a long email. Here's what I would say:


Hi, Bride!

Thank you for sending me your itinerary for the reception. You have a great plan set up! I do have some suggestions for how we can tweak the itinerary ever so slightly so that the reception will flow well and you and Groom can leave on time. Do you have some time for a phone meeting? If so, when is a good time for you?


Thanks,
DJ
 
I have about the same type thing this weekend. Looks like very little time will be left for open dancing. Ceremony 6:30, cocktail 6:50-7:50, 8:00pm intros into 1st and parents dances, 8:30 dinner and toasts, 9:30 (I think it will be larer) dancing, bouquet, garter etc. 10:30 end time. They paid for dance floor lighting upgrade, not sure they get to see much of it.


I've heard the saving the cake cutting so the guests will not leave line before, and if that's all that's keeping them there there are other problems. I had one bride say she was not going to cut the cake till 11:00pm (7-12 reception) for that reason, I ask her if the cake was supposed to be desert?
 
Dave - are you the DJ/Entertainer, or wedding planner......

I appreciate how you feel your way may be better.....The way you've worded it above; if I were the bride, I might ask: Who the F8ck does he think he is; the wedding planner?

It almost sounds as if you're more worried about how this might impact your end of the reception.....



You can't save people from themselves
 
Steve LeBlanc said:
Dave - are you the DJ/Entertainer, or wedding planner......

I appreciate how you feel your way may be better.....The way you've worded it above; if I were the bride, I might ask: Who the F8ck does he think he is; the wedding planner?

It almost sounds as if you're more worried about how this might impact youe end of the reception.....

You can't save folks from them selves...

You can't save people from themselves
Click to expand...

Just being a dj is just fine....

If you have read my post..I am not even close to a wedding planner, but since my schedule revolves around this schedule, sometimes brides and grooms needs some pointers to consider of what they expect for a more realistic time line.

Yes you can save people from themselves....

I have made suggestions to several brides and grooms about different things to prepare them for a smoother ride for the night, and not one has complained of me "over stepping" my bounds. They appreciate my honesty, and they like that I care about the flow of their event. And the truth is...I really do care, so this always helps anyways.
 
Again, you're the entertainment nor the planner. I don't think I'd ever see the caterer giving advice on decorations...

As a professional wedding dj/entertainer, I'd think twice about offering advice on things outside my mandate....

DJ Ducky said:
There's not much wrong with this itinerary at all. If it's what the bride wants, it's what she gets! However....

As a professional wedding vendor, I would recommend that they open the bar for the reception at 3pm, but wait and start the hors d'oeuvres until at least 3:30 and keep that going until about 4:45, then serve dinner. I am not sure what the whole 15 minutes there where she says "dinner will be called" is about, but basically, she's looking at dinner to start at 5pm. That's fine.

I would recommend that she keep a leash on the whole passing the mic thing and have a list of who will speak - or it will go on all night.

I would recommend cutting the cake before the dances, so that the staff can get it cut up and served for people while the special dances are going on. There's nothing wrong with doing that after the dances either, but it's an idea.

As for the dances, there will be plenty of time after dinner and toasts. I would recommend that the bride and groom do their last dance no later than 8pm, because it will take them awhile to be able to leave the room. Folks will want to say a final congratulations and etc.

I would not send such a long email. Here's what I would say:


Hi, Bride!

Thank you for sending me your itinerary for the reception. You have a great plan set up! I do have some suggestions for how we can tweak the itinerary ever so slightly so that the reception will flow well and you and Groom can leave on time. Do you have some time for a phone meeting? If so, when is a good time for you?


Thanks,
DJ
Click to expand...
 
Steve LeBlanc said:
Again, you're the entertainment nor the planner. I don't think I'd ever see the caterer giving advice on decorations...

As a professional wedding dj/entertainer, I'd think twice about offering advice on things outside my mandate....
Click to expand...

Steve this has really been my thought. I guess my problem is that I just want them to have the best night of there lives and It is sometimes hard for me when I see a bump in the road that they might not see. But as you said its there night and if they want it that way then so be it.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom
Back