Club Jock's Credo

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sparkieg

sparkieg

Sheriff
Dec 1, 2006
2,407
47
65
Winston-Salem,North Carolina
www.kickitproductions.com
If you talk to a DJ while He/She is on the 1’s and 2’s read this first!


What Drunk People say to DJ's....


1. PLAY SOMETHING GOOD...SOMETHING WE CAN DANCE TO! The D.J. has to play for more than one person...so, what you may hate may be another's favorite song and EVERYTHING played here can be danced to one way or another.

2.WOULD YOU PLAY SOMETHING WITH A BEAT? BE SERIOUS! We know of NO songs played in a club that don't have some sort of a beat! Drink Another One!

3. I DON'T KNOW WHO SINGS IT AND I DON'T KNOW THE NAME OF THE SONG, BUT IT GOES LIKE THIS... Please don't sing for the D.J.! There is no doubt a karoke bar close by go there!


4. EVERYBODY WANTS TO HEAR IT! Oh sure, you polled EVERYONE in the club and, as their spokesperson, you are requesting the song. Drink Another One!

5. I CAN GET LAID IF YOU PLAY IT! If you could get laid you wouldn't be up here asking for musical viagra! Drink Another One!

6. I WANT TO HEAR IT NEXT! I want to win the lottery but that hasn't happened yet either. If you want to hear it next donate 10 or 20 dollars to my lottery ticket fund. Drink Another One.


7. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANNA HEAR...WHAT DO YOU HAVE? Again there is most likeley a Karaoke Bar nearby go there and look thru a book. Then Sing it and see if you can get laid. Drink Another One!


8. HEY YO, NOBODY CAN DANCE TO THIS! It is not advisable to say this when the dance floor is packed. So that means that YOU can't dance to this. Drink Another One!


9. EVERYBODY WILL DANCE TO IT IF YOU PLAY IT! The D.J. won't...I guess that blows a hole in that theory! Plus half the time I hear this, no-one goes to the dancefloor except for the person that asked for it, and when they realize they're the only one that wanted to dance to it, they bail. If you ask the dj for a dance song and don't dance to it, expect the dj to ignore your requests the rest of the night. However, if we play your song and you dance and have a good time, even if no-one else does, we'll still take your next request seriously. We like to please, even if it's one person at a time.


SOME EXTRA ASSORTED THINGS NOT TO SAY

If you ask for a song and the D.J. says he just played it, DON'T SAY, "Well, I just got here." It makes absolutely no difference. None at all. If you want to be sure you hear your favorite song at the club, you better be there when the dj starts his/her set. We don't have a flashing red light in the booth that tells us that you're there and we can play your song now.

:sqcool:*This should be posted in every club in the nation*:sqcool:
 
The usual situation is when you then do play it they come up fifteen minutes later so when you going to play my song. Like Last Friday a gal mentioned she wanted to hear clumsy she looked like she might have been a Fergie aged Fan so all through the song Im saying over the mic if you request it and dont dance your request Cred willl be nil.
Later she comes up and says thanks for playing the Fergie song now when will you play Clumsy? I said you didnt dance to it ten minutes ago and you want it again she said you didnt play Our Lady Peace- Clumsy. Yeah well if no one danced to the Fergie one no one is certainly going to dance to the OLP song with same title.
 
Or the better one!
Can you please play the ........ because we are going in 5 min.! ????
OR THE NO1!!!
Can you play the.......? And the song is still running and they dont hear it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Is it any wonder why I don't DJ in bars and clubs?

Been there and done that. Follows are my personal responses. Yup, I actually said some of these things in the old days:

1. PLAY SOMETHING GOOD...SOMETHING WE CAN DANCE TO! Pointing to the dance floor "They're dancing to this one. What's wrong with you?"

2.WOULD YOU PLAY SOMETHING WITH A BEAT? "The walls are rattling so hard I can barely hear you. That's called a beat. If you don't get outta my face with that nonsense, you're gonna be beating it out the door here pretty shortly."

3. I DON'T KNOW WHO SINGS IT AND I DON'T KNOW THE NAME OF THE SONG, BUT IT GOES LIKE THIS... Saying: "I will try." Thinking: "I will give it all the attention and consideration it deserves." :rolleyes:

4. EVERYBODY WANTS TO HEAR IT! "Then why are you the only one who's pestering me for it?"

5. I CAN GET LAID IF YOU PLAY IT! "Never mind you. Come up with a request that will get me laid."

6. I WANT TO HEAR IT NEXT! "People in Hell want ice water, too. I don't see 'em gettin' it, though."

7. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANNA HEAR...WHAT DO YOU HAVE? "All kindsa music you don't know if you wannna hear."

8. HEY YO, NOBODY CAN DANCE TO THIS! "Hey yo, your ass. You will address me as Mr. DJ. Last I checked, this isn't the ghetto. Take your Hey Yo bullchit right out that door over there." :mad:

9. EVERYBODY WILL DANCE TO IT IF YOU PLAY IT! "Cool. Care to place any heavy wagers on that? This $150.00 gig could use some additional pay."

10. Play it now. I have to leave in a few minutes. "If I say no will you leave right now?

SOME EXTRA ASSORTED THINGS NOT TO SAY

"I know the owner." Yeah, and I know the Pope. I don't give a damn who ya know. You're just another obnoxious drunk as far as I'm concerned.

"Hey Pop!" This Pop'll pop you upside yer head.
-------------------------------------------------------------
The only difference between middle school dances and bar gigs is the age of the patrons. I didn't tolerate no disrepect from either. I got invited back to the middle school dances, lol. What does that tell yas? :D

Posted just in case anyone ever wondered why Wolfie didn't stay long on the bar circuit. I possess neither the constitution nor the patience for drunk 20-somethings. :D
 
I was recently finishing up playing for a lunch time private club cook-out gig when a woman came by the booth and said "are you going to play any dance music?" Now keep in mind that the dance floor had been alternately partially or completely full most of the afteroon.

With a smile I told her "it's all dance music if you know how to dance. What did you have in mind?"

After a blank stare, she said "oh, you know, Y.M.C.A."

:sqembarrassed:
 
Some other things...

I vary my play list depending on what the crowd is asking for. One night a big group is asking for country and no on else is requesting anything... so I play country.

Then, this guy walks up and says, "when are you going to get off of country"? I tell him that I'm playing whats requested and all he has to do is make a request. He hands me a $20 and says "80's rock"... this guy knows how to make a request... I was done with country mid song.

Point is... so many people are buggin me all night long to hear a song and never leave a nickle... I play requests with a tip right away.
 
My #1 Bitch...

Usually a woman requests some song... then 20 seconds later comes up all pissy wanting to know why I haven't' played her song yet.

Well, I put requests on a list and play them in order. So every time that person comes up and complains about their song... I put it at the bottom of the list. LOL, this can go on all night unless they have "that little light bulb" go on over their head.
 
sparkieg said:
3. I DON'T KNOW WHO SINGS IT AND I DON'T KNOW THE NAME OF THE SONG, BUT IT GOES LIKE THIS... Please don't sing for the D.J.! There is no doubt a karoke bar close by go there!


7. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANNA HEAR...WHAT DO YOU HAVE? Again there is most likeley a Karaoke Bar nearby go there and look thru a book. Then Sing it and see if you can get laid. Drink Another One!
Click to expand...

3. This happens SEVERAL times a night in a karaoke bar, but they don't even know the words- so they HUM it at you....



7. Hey, do me a favor- stop sending your idiots to my bar- I have enough of my own, thanks...:sqfrown:
 
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