Possible Dadzilla

To many ads? Support ODJT and see no ads!
Here's a revelation....

Talk with them and get enough information to not only make the call with regards to requests.... Not only just the 'music' but the overall 'tone' of the event and what they EXPECT.

Why can't we be sympathetic enough to not send people making requests to the only two people in the room that shouldn't be bothered?

There was a post recently about someone causing trouble at a wedding and they talked to the groom (or was it the bride). I'm sorry, but etiquette dictates that this is the BEST MAN'S job. If it's the best man that's causing problems, then it's the rest of the groomsman's jobs or the parents (the dads specifically - as the hosts) to handle it. The 'guests of honor' should not be bothered. But maybe I'm just wrong in keeping with this portion of etiquette.... you know, those rules that I was blasted quite recently for wanting to stick to.

While I applaude the professionalism of Dave for maintaining his composure (there is no way to be professional and loose your composure at the same time), I have to wonder about many of the other posts. Do people really understand these events and how to handle problems or do they just not care and seek the easiest way to solve a problem?

I know I'm going to get flamed for it... and well, I don't care. I could care less what other DJ's think about me... it's my CLIENTS that matter.

On second though... if what you're doing works - keep doing it. It only makes me look that much better. ;)
 
MusicMeister said:
Why can't we be sympathetic enough to not send people making requests to the only two people in the room that shouldn't be bothered?
Click to expand...

Agree, totally. I've learned to never say "the bride wants it this way" as they just head straight for the B or G, to pester them. First line of defense is to just try and pacify them, or stall/distract. If they keep pestering, I'll usually throw in a couple of cursory tunes to try and shut them up. Sometimes though, as we all know, some jerks just have to prove they're jerks and in those cases, I'm not sure there's any method that will work, all the time. When I had my last one of these (weekend before last), there simply was no winning and it took me about 3 days to get out of the funk that they caused (not to mention what they probably did to the B&G's nerves).

Hey, has anybody mentioned using a taser yet? :sqlaugh:
 
I do not run to the B and G over every little request. I cover that in planning. What my clause if for is when someone else besides them is trying to tell me what to do or how to do things that are different than what the B and g want, at last resort, they are the final and last say.

If Dad is paying and he tells me I have to stop playing whatever right away, I will not do it. I will not be told by anyone besides the B and G or someone they delegated how to do my job.
 
Karl Langford said:
I do not run to the B and G over every little request. I cover that in planning. What my clause if for is when someone else besides them is trying to tell me what to do or how to do things that are different than what the B and g want, at last resort, they are the final and last say.

If Dad is paying and he tells me I have to stop playing whatever right away, I will not do it. I will not be told by anyone besides the B and G or someone they delegated how to do my job.
Click to expand...

Okay, let me give you a real scenario, that I endured back in February. Bride had given me 6 pages of instructions, with a playlist of rock classics they wanted played during dinner. It's a nice venue and we did full uplighting. After cringing heavily, and during dinner, I'm in the middle of playing a song from the instruction sheet, "Black Betty" when bride's 6-foot-something (big dude) comes stomping back to me, gets right over the top of me and yells "Turn this crap off! This is a respectable affair and I won't have such material as this played at my daughter's wedding!"

How do you handle it?
 
rickryan.com said:
Okay, let me give you a real scenario, that I endured back in February. Bride had given me 6 pages of instructions, with a playlist of rock classics they wanted played during dinner. It's a nice venue and we did full uplighting. After cringing heavily, and during dinner, I'm in the middle of playing a song from the instruction sheet, "Black Betty" when bride's 6-foot-something (big dude) comes stomping back to me, gets right over the top of me and yells "Turn this crap off! This is a respectable affair and I won't have such material as this played at my daughter's wedding!"

How do you handle it?
Click to expand...

I'd probably tell him, "Okay," and then wait until the song is finished.
 
rickryan.com said:
Okay, let me give you a real scenario, that I endured back in February. Bride had given me 6 pages of instructions, with a playlist of rock classics they wanted played during dinner. It's a nice venue and we did full uplighting. After cringing heavily, and during dinner, I'm in the middle of playing a song from the instruction sheet, "Black Betty" when bride's 6-foot-something (big dude) comes stomping back to me, gets right over the top of me and yells "Turn this crap off! This is a respectable affair and I won't have such material as this played at my daughter's wedding!"

How do you handle it?
Click to expand...

First off, I would not accept 6 pages of instructions, my contract limits the # of must plays. If the bride wanted that song, I would tell him it was requested by his daughter and leave it on. I don't care how big he is. I am 6'3 and 250 lbs myself so I am not intimidated easily.

I would want to say "your daughter requested this, is she not respectable?" But would not.
 
Dave correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds this was at a residence?
If it was I can tell you, that is a hard call, simply because you're in their domain, you have absolutely no control over the situation, there's no escape route either (if you get my drift)

Don't get me wrong, some of them will come out perfect, but I had 2 experiences just like yours that left me with a very sour taste, needless to say I ask a lot of questions before I take the event.

But ultimately you have to be professional and handle it to the best of your ability, just like you did, overall I think you took the right actions.
As you go on, you'll be able to detect problems or even ask questions at the first meeting that can hint you to more or less the outcome of a reception.
 
sirdj said:
Dave correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds this was at a residence?
If it was I can tell you, that is a hard call, simply because you're in their domain, you have absolutely no control over the situation, there's no escape route either (if you get my drift)

Don't get me wrong, some of them will come out perfect, but I had 2 experiences just like yours that left me with a very sour taste, needless to say I ask a lot of questions before I take the event.

But ultimately you have to be professional and handle it to the best of your ability, just like you did, overall I think you took the right actions.
As you go on, you'll be able to detect problems or even ask questions at the first meeting that can hint you to more or less the outcome of a reception.
Click to expand...

Yes fathers house, property and money. We had discussed music and there where no problems with musical types. This was a long distance booking so there where no face to face until the rehearsal. I do believe I took the right actions because as I was doing them they were thought out with the idea of protecting my bride and groom unless it outwardly began to effect there wedding which when it started doing that I let them know. Meaning when requests came in for the music and guest really wanted to hear them then I let my clients know. The only question I feel I can ask now to avoid a problem like this is to find out is there a paying asspole in the wings that I should know about that might have some control of me at the event.

This did suprise me and I guess I have to chock it up to live and learn. Last night would be a prime example. I was talking with our bride and groom for this week end and I straight out asked them this question but in a more refined way. They where like nope we are paying for you please feel free to do as you need to do. Awww the ropes are not there and I'm a happy camper. Again as said before in 5 years this has never happened, rude guests yes asspole paying dads nope.

Trust me when I say I work very hard for our clients and I try and meet them when at all possible. We have 3 clients that I have not met all about 100 miles away. I'm taking a week off from my day job next week so that I may personally drive to them and and meet with them. None of these clients have insisted on a meeting. I just wanted to go the next step for them. Also I'm doing this because I need the time. We literally have 2 weekends off till the middle of July. And I'm doing this to better service them all. All the events are paying well enough so that the 50 dollars in gas per client is not an issue. Most of our clients tend to be young professionals which is our target market. Stuff like this only brings us more business given our clients age group is 20-30 years old. My moto is half our business is doing your event the other half is fantastic customer service. I want to rival any service that the local full time multi ops offer.
 
Karl Langford said:
First off, I would not accept 6 pages of instructions, my contract limits the # of must plays. If the bride wanted that song, I would tell him it was requested by his daughter and leave it on. I don't care how big he is. I am 6'3 and 250 lbs myself so I am not intimidated easily.

I would want to say "your daughter requested this, is she not respectable?" But would not.
Click to expand...

First off, the instructions were handed to me by the coordinator (who referred me on this gig in the first place) as I walked in. Second off, I can understand his furor. He had his 90-something mother there (the bride's grandmother), has paid for a 1st class reception, and some DJ is playing "Black Betty" (wham-a-lam the dam thing's gone wild). You're going to go chest-to-chest with this dad and tell him his momma is going to continue hearing it, like it or not? You think there's any way in the world that isn't going to cause a hugely bad situation, that the bride will have to witness? I realize, it's a difference of opinion and I respect your thoughts but here's what I did:

Listened to him (while still seated), then answered "Yes sir." and immediately faded/switched to Sinatra. The rest of dinner was done to more standard material. Immediately after the change I found the coordinator and made her aware of the situation. She thought I was upset but I assured her "I'm not mad. I'm only letting you know so you can let the bride know why her music is no longer being played. I don't want her getting upset at me now because I'm not playing the rock stuff." I took my dressing down (un-deserved as it might've been), then quietly made the change. Towards the end of the evening I found dad standing over near the dance floor and I approached him, shook his hand, and told him "Sir, I want to apologize for offending you and your mother. The songs were requested by the bride and that's why I was playing them. However, I'm still terribly sorry that you were offended." He accepted my apology and thanked me and paid a nice tip (I considered it pennance for being a jerk). The bride left smiling and the coordinator complimented with having "nerves of steel".

Obviously, we'll all do whatever works best for our own situation and the approach can always be changed, depending on a whole slew of contributing factors. YMMV :sqbiggrin:
 
Ricky, I love the way you handled it. Knowing the back story, it makes perfect sense the way you worded your response.
 
No real need to pick this apart. The OP did the best he could at the given time. Hindsight is 20/20 and I am sure he is now better prepared to handle a similar situation in the future. There is no way in Holy Hell that all the DJs on this board could have handled the given situation in exactly the same way.
One thing to be noted...solely as a contribution to all.....if I know I would not play a certain request I will tell the requester I won't and for them to find another request. If you lie and say you will play it later, you will be forever bugged. Just have the guts to nip things in the bud before it gets ugly.
 
rickryan.com said:
First off, the instructions were handed to me by the coordinator (who referred me on this gig in the first place) as I walked in. Second off, I can understand his furor. He had his 90-something mother there (the bride's grandmother), has paid for a 1st class reception, and some DJ is playing "Black Betty" (wham-a-lam the dam thing's gone wild). You're going to go chest-to-chest with this dad and tell him his momma is going to continue hearing it, like it or not? You think there's any way in the world that isn't going to cause a hugely bad situation, that the bride will have to witness? I realize, it's a difference of opinion and I respect your thoughts but here's what I did:

Listened to him (while still seated), then answered "Yes sir." and immediately faded/switched to Sinatra. The rest of dinner was done to more standard material. Immediately after the change I found the coordinator and made her aware of the situation. She thought I was upset but I assured her "I'm not mad. I'm only letting you know so you can let the bride know why her music is no longer being played. I don't want her getting upset at me now because I'm not playing the rock stuff." I took my dressing down (un-deserved as it might've been), then quietly made the change. Towards the end of the evening I found dad standing over near the dance floor and I approached him, shook his hand, and told him "Sir, I want to apologize for offending you and your mother. The songs were requested by the bride and that's why I was playing them. However, I'm still terribly sorry that you were offended." He accepted my apology and thanked me and paid a nice tip (I considered it pennance for being a jerk). The bride left smiling and the coordinator complimented with having "nerves of steel".

Obviously, we'll all do whatever works best for our own situation and the approach can always be changed, depending on a whole slew of contributing factors. YMMV :sqbiggrin:
Click to expand...

And that was your first mistake. ;)

First wedding I ever did I was hired by someone else - never even met the couple.

And as a result - I will NEVER take an even where someone else collects the information I need to do my job.


I commend you on handling it well, but the whole problem could have been avoided to begin with by properly planning and collecting information.
 
MusicMeister said:
And that was your first mistake. ;)

First wedding I ever did I was hired by someone else - never even met the couple.

And as a result - I will NEVER take an even where someone else collects the information I need to do my job.


I commend you on handling it well, but the whole problem could have been avoided to begin with by properly planning and collecting information.
Click to expand...

You make too many assumptions. I had my schedule of events in place, and had gotten the details from the bride, well before the event. The day of, the coordinator gives me this paperwork. It still had the songs/artists she'd requested, but added this long list of other stuff she wanted, namely a bunch of cheesy intros to various events. No, I did not make a mistake. I dealt with a difficult situation, and that's all.
 
rickryan.com said:
You make too many assumptions. I had my schedule of events in place, and had gotten the details from the bride, well before the event. The day of, the coordinator gives me this paperwork. It still had the songs/artists she'd requested, but added this long list of other stuff she wanted, namely a bunch of cheesy intros to various events. No, I did not make a mistake. I dealt with a difficult situation, and that's all.
Click to expand...

Really? When did the coordinator have it? Do you think she got it that morning? Or did she have it days or even weeks before?

I see the lack of information as a shortcoming...

And the way it was written initially, it was inferred that you didn't have ANY information going into it. Communication is important. ;) Both of the situation you described (or, given my experience with other DJ's, I'll assume the worst because I'm rarely wrong) and with the other professionals that impact us and how we do our job (and how we affect their ability to do theirs).
 
Rick,

Schedule a meetng with that coordinator and establish how you can, hopefully, provide her clients better and less stressful service with better planning and communication.

If the planning that effects your performance has not been finalized before the day of, the problem is yours. Own it and fix it.
 
MusicMeister said:
Really? When did the coordinator have it? Do you think she got it that morning? Or did she have it days or even weeks before?

I see the lack of information as a shortcoming...

And the way it was written initially, it was inferred that you didn't have ANY information going into it. Communication is important. ;) Both of the situation you described (or, given my experience with other DJ's, I'll assume the worst because I'm rarely wrong) and with the other professionals that impact us and how we do our job (and how we affect their ability to do theirs).
Click to expand...

I don't know when she got it. I usually do a 1-page schedule of events for myself, which I had, then got blind-sided at setup. Rather than beef about it, and given this was my highest-paying gig (at the time), I just smiled, took the papers, and made it happen. It's not a biggie, IMHO, as it wouldn't have averted the problem with dad in either case. Had I met with them earlier, and she'd given me that list, I'd have smiled and said "yes ma'am" and done exactly the same thing and dad would've also probably done exactly what he did. Not sure how you could mis-construe this was somehow a failure on my part.
 
rickryan.com said:
First off, the instructions were handed to me by the coordinator (who referred me on this gig in the first place) as I walked in. Second off, I can understand his furor. He had his 90-something mother there (the bride's grandmother), has paid for a 1st class reception, and some DJ is playing "Black Betty" (wham-a-lam the dam thing's gone wild). You're going to go chest-to-chest with this dad and tell him his momma is going to continue hearing it, like it or not? You think there's any way in the world that isn't going to cause a hugely bad situation, that the bride will have to witness? I realize, it's a difference of opinion and I respect your thoughts but here's what I did:

Listened to him (while still seated), then answered "Yes sir." and immediately faded/switched to Sinatra. The rest of dinner was done to more standard material. Immediately after the change I found the coordinator and made her aware of the situation. She thought I was upset but I assured her "I'm not mad. I'm only letting you know so you can let the bride know why her music is no longer being played. I don't want her getting upset at me now because I'm not playing the rock stuff." I took my dressing down (un-deserved as it might've been), then quietly made the change. Towards the end of the evening I found dad standing over near the dance floor and I approached him, shook his hand, and told him "Sir, I want to apologize for offending you and your mother. The songs were requested by the bride and that's why I was playing them. However, I'm still terribly sorry that you were offended." He accepted my apology and thanked me and paid a nice tip (I considered it pennance for being a jerk). The bride left smiling and the coordinator complimented with having "nerves of steel".

Obviously, we'll all do whatever works best for our own situation and the approach can always be changed, depending on a whole slew of contributing factors. YMMV :sqbiggrin:
Click to expand...

Well this is where we differ. In 14+ years. I have never had to deal with a coordinator. We just don't have them here. I deal strictly with the bride and groom. Only 2 times I can remember that I have had to go into a reception not meeting the bride and groom ahead of time. Then we did phone planning.

This situation for me would not have came up. If I would get these requests for dinner, I would do what ever it took to not play "Black Betty" during dinner. I find it hard to believe a Bride would want that during dinner.

Preplanning is Key. If I would have someone other than the B or G give me a list when I arrive, it would get put to the side and not thought about unless the B or G asked me to start using it. Then, I would use discretion on what songs to play during dinner.
 
Karl Langford said:
Well this is where we differ. In 14+ years. I have never had to deal with a coordinator.
Click to expand...

Really? I probably had a half-dozen times last year where I was actually contracted by the coordinator. Now I rarely will get to an event without at least meeting or emailing with the bride/groom but it has happened. I wonder also, how many of your gigs are road dates? This one was a 2-3 hours out of town for me so it was mostly email.
 
rickryan.com said:
Really? I probably had a half-dozen times last year where I was actually contracted by the coordinator. Now I rarely will get to an event without at least meeting or emailing with the bride/groom but it has happened. I wonder also, how many of your gigs are road dates? This one was a 2-3 hours out of town for me so it was mostly email.
Click to expand...

I rarely go over 2 hours away. Most are 30 minutes to 2 hours. I have a couple that go a little more but we usually meet half way for the final meeting.
 
rickryan.com said:
I don't know when she got it. I usually do a 1-page schedule of events for myself, which I had, then got blind-sided at setup. Rather than beef about it, and given this was my highest-paying gig (at the time), I just smiled, took the papers, and made it happen. It's not a biggie, IMHO, as it wouldn't have averted the problem with dad in either case. Had I met with them earlier, and she'd given me that list, I'd have smiled and said "yes ma'am" and done exactly the same thing and dad would've also probably done exactly what he did. Not sure how you could mis-construe this was somehow a failure on my part.
Click to expand...

Ok.... It's because I do things a little different is all. I would have classified it as a failure on my part if it had happened to me.

When I talk with clients about their weddings, particularly with regards to music, I ask about who will be there. Specifically I try to break it out into demographics - including their great-grandmother who might be 90+ and not happy to listen to certain types of music. In other words, censor for the person who is the most prudish in the room. Black Betty would have been flagged in that discussion for language. Flagged meaning I'd ask about it - not pull it (just to try and clear that up). Most people, when you point something out like that, they'll drop it from the list because they didn't think about it.

As for 'getting' the information - I'm in CONSTANT contact with the wedding planners I work with. I'm also in constant contact with all the other wedding professionals that might be impacted by something I do - or have information that I might need. ESPECIALLY planners. Had you done this, you would have had that information as fast as she did.

But when I work, I take 'ownership' of the event. I don't 'micromanage' but I share information readily and make sure I get information quickly as well.

I'm not saying you 'don't' or that what you do is 'wrong' - it's just different. I see is as a shortcoming, but that's me because it's 'different' than what I do.


As for long distance weddings, I've played weddings that were about a 7 hour drive each way - and planned them entirely over email and phone calls. I had one wedding that I planned over instant messenger. HOW you communicate isn't as important as the fact that you DO communicate.

I hope this makes sense...
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom
Back