A Less Than Perfect Reception or Familiarity Breeds Contempt or Too Many Cooks and Not Enough Cooks.
Just a little rant and observation about a wedding reception I did that was not my best work. It was not my fault that things went awry, and I did my best to roll with the punches.
First, the planning meeting with the bride and groom. This is usually attended by the bride and groom and myself. At this particular meeting, all the parents were there as well. The groom is someone I consider a friend, so it was not like I was dealing with a stranger, although the extended family were all new to me, as was the dynamic of their relationship.
Apparently the parents do not see eye to eye on a lot of things, and there are strong personalities on both sides. This added to the dynamic of the night…the mother of the groom was the manager of the facility the reception was being held at, and the stepfather of the bride was the photographer. At the meeting, he had very strong opinions about how things should be done, and he kept saying how he used to be a DJ and had worked so many of these events. Uh-oh. And, uh…this was in New York. Southerners can appreciate the attitude I was facing here, because we all know, NOBODY in the south can do anything as good as in New York…living in the south for New Yorkers must consist of constant compromise. (TIC).
I managed to get all the facts I needed to complete my consultation. Ultimately, as a pro, I concede that the Bride and Groom are my employers and I am expected to defer to them to make THEIR wishes come true. The bride applauded my diplomacy as she could see that “I got it.” Through the next several weeks we tightened up the details, finalized the itinerary and then waited for the big day.
The bride and groom were getting married at 4pm. I was providing the ceremony music, with a room reset to follow and the reception to start at 5:15, and dinner served at 5:30.
I arrived at the hall to set up at 2:30 to find the wedding party already there, taking pictures outdoors and dying from the heat. Got everything set up and the ceremony went off flawlessly choreographed.
About 5:00, I gave the wedding party a heads up that we would do the formal entrance at 5:15. Part of my job is to know the itinerary, keep to it, and be sure to inform everyone ahead of time as to what was happening so there are no surprises, such as someone having to use the bathroom or having a smoke when they need to be active. This includes wedding party members, family, photographers and catering staff.
At precisely 5:15, I introduced the wedding party, presented the bride and groom and had them do their first dance. When they finished the first dance, we were right on target for the serving of the meal at 5:30, so I introduced myself, and began playing dinner music.
By 6:00, it was apparent dinner service had not begun, and I was beginning to wonder if the heavy appetizers served at the cocktail hour WAS the dinner. A walk around showed no one had touched the silverware and clean plates were still on the tables. By 6:10 I checked with the groom (whose Mother is the manager of the facility) and she assured us it would be about 10 minutes, so I decided to do a couple of dedicated family dances to keep the flow going and buy some time…it was getting a little stagnant.
Found the photographer (stepfather of the bride) and told him of the change in plans and he said he was busy…that he had just started something (group shots in the lounge). I went back and informed the B&G that the photographer was busy. But there was only 10 more minutes till the food was ready, right? So I kept playing dinner music until 6:45…
Decided to blow off the family dances and just play some party music to liven the place up…line dances, etc… That went over really well…and of course after I got everyone out of their seats, the food came out…7pm. Keep in mind, the guests have been at the hall since before the 4 pm ceremony! Back to dinner music. Photographer mentions to me that the itinerary of events had changed since our planning meeting. I told him the B&G changed it several times since then, as was their prerogative, and that is was our duty to do what THEY wanted. He walked away giving me the “talk to the hand” gesture which offended me on a few levels.
As pros, we need to roll with the punches. That is the problem I had with him, was that he wanted to dictate the events rather than document them. I wanted to dictate the schedule, but the schedule goes out the window when the dinner is an hour and a half late.
The bride and groom were so cool…they understood the dynamic of what was happening and were so cool about everything.
Now by the time the dinner hour was waning (7:45) people were getting happy feet, BUT we still had family dances and dedicated dances that NEEDED to be performed, and they were slow songs. We also still needed to cut the cake and do the bouquet and garter ceremonies. Meanwhile, the restless guest assume that I am being the buzzkill and playing the sappy music because I like it…and I tell them the fast music is coming. Repeatedly, after telling them these are songs dedicated for the family members, they suggest either shortening them, or skipping them “accidentally”, to which I repeatedly replied “Oh come on, if it were YOUR wedding, would you want me to skip your request?”
The bride and her friends were BIG country music fans, and every time I would play a country song, Mom would come over and complain that there was too much country music. When we finally got to a booty set, she wanted a Polka, which I assured her would happen, AFTER the “urban” music set. She kept wanting it next, but there was no way I was killing the energy until I had to.
Then we got to the cake cutting, which I choreograph with music. I got the group to the cake and the photographer took so long to set them up that my Cut The Cake song ran all the way out…normally I play that while they set up, then change to another song when the blade hits the cake. I have never had to play the entire song then go to another.
While I am playing the second song, 6 minutes into the setup, grooms Mom comes over yelling to turn the music off and let them know the bride is cutting the cake…WHICH I did 7 minutes ago which was why everyone was staring at the stage where the cake was.
Finally got thru the cake cutting and garter/bouquet ceremonies, and had to do some more slow dedicated dances. Of particular note were 2 songs for the bride to dance with her dad, then the groom to dance with his mom. During the brides dance, apparently the grooms mom went to the bathroom, and when I called her up, there was an uncomfortable pause as we could not find her. After we got it together and got back into slow dance mode, the guests were giving me crap for slowing it down again…I assured them it would get fast again, but these were MUST PLAY songs. Repeat inane conversation of before about skipping them…
By the last hour, I was back on my game, but feeling that it not only was not my best work, but I was hoping that my reputation would not be sullied if people kept talking about how lame the DJ was. Had the food come out on time, or the photographer been a little more flexible on the agenda, we could have gotten a better upbeat flow. That just was not the case and sometimes when the night is going badly, you have to just ride that wave to safer water rather than try to swim against it. Last night was that night. I was really thankful that neither the photographer or the grooms mom said anything critical to me about my performance, because I had a speech ready if that happened, LOL. The bride and groom understood my adventures and complimented me on dealing with it, and again, my diplomacy.
Lessons learned…family members who are doing service for the wedding will sometimes forget they are serving the bride and groom and will feel more entitled because of the family status, and be harder to work with than a subservient obedient subcontracted vendor with no personal relationship to the situation. Lesson 2, late food sucks.
Thankfully I am taking a month off from weddings…I can use it!
Just a little rant and observation about a wedding reception I did that was not my best work. It was not my fault that things went awry, and I did my best to roll with the punches.
First, the planning meeting with the bride and groom. This is usually attended by the bride and groom and myself. At this particular meeting, all the parents were there as well. The groom is someone I consider a friend, so it was not like I was dealing with a stranger, although the extended family were all new to me, as was the dynamic of their relationship.
Apparently the parents do not see eye to eye on a lot of things, and there are strong personalities on both sides. This added to the dynamic of the night…the mother of the groom was the manager of the facility the reception was being held at, and the stepfather of the bride was the photographer. At the meeting, he had very strong opinions about how things should be done, and he kept saying how he used to be a DJ and had worked so many of these events. Uh-oh. And, uh…this was in New York. Southerners can appreciate the attitude I was facing here, because we all know, NOBODY in the south can do anything as good as in New York…living in the south for New Yorkers must consist of constant compromise. (TIC).
I managed to get all the facts I needed to complete my consultation. Ultimately, as a pro, I concede that the Bride and Groom are my employers and I am expected to defer to them to make THEIR wishes come true. The bride applauded my diplomacy as she could see that “I got it.” Through the next several weeks we tightened up the details, finalized the itinerary and then waited for the big day.
The bride and groom were getting married at 4pm. I was providing the ceremony music, with a room reset to follow and the reception to start at 5:15, and dinner served at 5:30.
I arrived at the hall to set up at 2:30 to find the wedding party already there, taking pictures outdoors and dying from the heat. Got everything set up and the ceremony went off flawlessly choreographed.
About 5:00, I gave the wedding party a heads up that we would do the formal entrance at 5:15. Part of my job is to know the itinerary, keep to it, and be sure to inform everyone ahead of time as to what was happening so there are no surprises, such as someone having to use the bathroom or having a smoke when they need to be active. This includes wedding party members, family, photographers and catering staff.
At precisely 5:15, I introduced the wedding party, presented the bride and groom and had them do their first dance. When they finished the first dance, we were right on target for the serving of the meal at 5:30, so I introduced myself, and began playing dinner music.
By 6:00, it was apparent dinner service had not begun, and I was beginning to wonder if the heavy appetizers served at the cocktail hour WAS the dinner. A walk around showed no one had touched the silverware and clean plates were still on the tables. By 6:10 I checked with the groom (whose Mother is the manager of the facility) and she assured us it would be about 10 minutes, so I decided to do a couple of dedicated family dances to keep the flow going and buy some time…it was getting a little stagnant.
Found the photographer (stepfather of the bride) and told him of the change in plans and he said he was busy…that he had just started something (group shots in the lounge). I went back and informed the B&G that the photographer was busy. But there was only 10 more minutes till the food was ready, right? So I kept playing dinner music until 6:45…
Decided to blow off the family dances and just play some party music to liven the place up…line dances, etc… That went over really well…and of course after I got everyone out of their seats, the food came out…7pm. Keep in mind, the guests have been at the hall since before the 4 pm ceremony! Back to dinner music. Photographer mentions to me that the itinerary of events had changed since our planning meeting. I told him the B&G changed it several times since then, as was their prerogative, and that is was our duty to do what THEY wanted. He walked away giving me the “talk to the hand” gesture which offended me on a few levels.
As pros, we need to roll with the punches. That is the problem I had with him, was that he wanted to dictate the events rather than document them. I wanted to dictate the schedule, but the schedule goes out the window when the dinner is an hour and a half late.
The bride and groom were so cool…they understood the dynamic of what was happening and were so cool about everything.
Now by the time the dinner hour was waning (7:45) people were getting happy feet, BUT we still had family dances and dedicated dances that NEEDED to be performed, and they were slow songs. We also still needed to cut the cake and do the bouquet and garter ceremonies. Meanwhile, the restless guest assume that I am being the buzzkill and playing the sappy music because I like it…and I tell them the fast music is coming. Repeatedly, after telling them these are songs dedicated for the family members, they suggest either shortening them, or skipping them “accidentally”, to which I repeatedly replied “Oh come on, if it were YOUR wedding, would you want me to skip your request?”
The bride and her friends were BIG country music fans, and every time I would play a country song, Mom would come over and complain that there was too much country music. When we finally got to a booty set, she wanted a Polka, which I assured her would happen, AFTER the “urban” music set. She kept wanting it next, but there was no way I was killing the energy until I had to.
Then we got to the cake cutting, which I choreograph with music. I got the group to the cake and the photographer took so long to set them up that my Cut The Cake song ran all the way out…normally I play that while they set up, then change to another song when the blade hits the cake. I have never had to play the entire song then go to another.
While I am playing the second song, 6 minutes into the setup, grooms Mom comes over yelling to turn the music off and let them know the bride is cutting the cake…WHICH I did 7 minutes ago which was why everyone was staring at the stage where the cake was.
Finally got thru the cake cutting and garter/bouquet ceremonies, and had to do some more slow dedicated dances. Of particular note were 2 songs for the bride to dance with her dad, then the groom to dance with his mom. During the brides dance, apparently the grooms mom went to the bathroom, and when I called her up, there was an uncomfortable pause as we could not find her. After we got it together and got back into slow dance mode, the guests were giving me crap for slowing it down again…I assured them it would get fast again, but these were MUST PLAY songs. Repeat inane conversation of before about skipping them…
By the last hour, I was back on my game, but feeling that it not only was not my best work, but I was hoping that my reputation would not be sullied if people kept talking about how lame the DJ was. Had the food come out on time, or the photographer been a little more flexible on the agenda, we could have gotten a better upbeat flow. That just was not the case and sometimes when the night is going badly, you have to just ride that wave to safer water rather than try to swim against it. Last night was that night. I was really thankful that neither the photographer or the grooms mom said anything critical to me about my performance, because I had a speech ready if that happened, LOL. The bride and groom understood my adventures and complimented me on dealing with it, and again, my diplomacy.
Lessons learned…family members who are doing service for the wedding will sometimes forget they are serving the bride and groom and will feel more entitled because of the family status, and be harder to work with than a subservient obedient subcontracted vendor with no personal relationship to the situation. Lesson 2, late food sucks.
Thankfully I am taking a month off from weddings…I can use it!
)Twenty minutes later he came up to us and wondered why no one was dancing. He suggested if we turn on the dance lights, people would dance. Still nothing, no one dancing. About half an hour later with his special selections still playing he said perhaps we should just play what would get people on the dance floor. We did and the dance floor was full the rest of the night. So much so that the groom just wandered around because there was no one to talk to since every one was on the dance floor.
