I'm curious to know how the California DJs are handling this

A party is a party. We have been approached for fake weddings for years...or commitment ceremonies for gays, with no legal basis. Why let the law get in the way of a good time, or a commitment. Legal marriage means that now they will be recognized by law, but "illegal" marriages have been the norm for some time.

I am sure there will be more formal receptions, and we should all be prepared to handle them with very little difference to a hetero soiree.

I was on the "Rainbow Wedding" vendor list a few years back (no kidding. I think someone put me on as a joke) and received many calls for these ceremomies, but only from the staffers building the lists. I told them that I was religiously (hate that word!) opposed to the idea, and if they could still work with me knowing this, then OK. I never booked any, and the calls stopped after 6 or 7.


Here's my long answer, so skip it if you will:

I have seen this coming for a long time. Marriage in the eyes of the state is a legal union and nothing more. So why not homosexuals? My feeling is that I have performed weddings for couples that I KNEW were making a serious mistake with their choice, but I still did it. Should I only take the job if I think the union is a good idea? Dumb way to run a business.

Still, there is that part of me that wants to draw a line on issues somewhere, and not just in my personal life. I don't separate the "realms" of my life. I am fully me in all things, even when I screw up. So to act one way in business is to act that way in other areas. (At least I try).

My full answer? As of NOW, I can't comfortably perform these weddings. Later maybe. What will change that? Don't know, but do know that life has a way of bringing more information and variables to me that allow change of perspective. So I loosley say "Maybe later, but not now."

For now....

Hugh, I can respect that you feel a need to draw a line somewhere, but in my opinion, it is no different than a non Jew doing a Bar Mitzvah, or an agnostic doing a Catholic wedding, or *gasp* a gay DJ doing a standard wedding. It is just commerce, and we as vendors are not making a statement by allowing ourselves to be hired, nor are we endorsing the activities of those hiring us.

Sure, I can draw a line too...I probably would not perform at a NAMBLA dinner, or a Klan event...etc..., but I never felt that my performance was an endorsement of my employer. Who am I to judge? If you feel that strongly about the gay issue, it is probably good not to take the jobs, but you are not endorsing them...AND they are going to have a reception with or without you.

I do soirees all the time that do not agree with my views about religion or marriage or whatever, but I am a professional for hire. I keep my views to myself and take the money.

Harryoke said:

Hugh, I can respect that you feel a need to draw a line somewhere, but in my opinion, it is no different than a non Jew doing a Bar Mitzvah, or an agnostic doing a Catholic wedding, or *gasp* a gay DJ doing a standard wedding. It is just commerce, and we as vendors are not making a statement by allowing ourselves to be hired, nor are we endorsing the activities of those hiring us.

Sure, I can draw a line too...I probably would not perform at a NAMBLA dinner, or a Klan event...etc..., but I never felt that my performance was an endorsement of my employer. Who am I to judge? If you feel that strongly about the gay issue, it is probably good not to take the jobs, but you are not endorsing them...AND they are going to have a reception with or without you.

I do soirees all the time that do not agree with my views about religion or marriage or whatever, but I am a professional for hire. I keep my views to myself and take the money.

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Well said, and that is why I tried to make the issue fuzzy. I am not comfortable now. But, that is now. I have gay friends, but they know I can be their friend and disagree on this issue. I can probably do the weddings in time. Just can't now. Strange, I know, but it is what it is. I think I would be doing the client a disservice to be the DJ right now.

Great topic.

Harryoke said:

......but I never felt that my performance was an endorsement of my employer.

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Your right, but with a lot of people, perception is reality. On one hand, you may see more bookings from those in the lifestyle. One the other, you may be seen as endorsing the lifestyle and lose bookings with those that disagree with the lifestyle. Another one of those double edge thingies.

Good point.

Is there a way to promote yourself as Gay/Alternative friendly without offending anyone?

DJ Teddy Bear said:

Good point.

Is there a way to promote yourself as Gay/Alternative friendly without offending anyone?

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I work where I wanna work, for whoever I want to work for. If anyone is so offended that I may work for a queer, or a republican, or this candidate for sherriff, or that businessman...if they are that offended that they would consider not hiring me, then I didnt want to work for them anyway.

I keep my politics and beliefs close to the vest in a professional arrangement, but if I am to be judged by who I work for, I dont need to work for the judge, IMHO.

If I was still in the biz and in an area where homosexual marriage was legal, I would not do any of them.

Once again, this is purely a personal decision every business owner has to make.

Sometimes (even for me, haha), beliefs and convictions come before the almighty dollar.

I could do a hot lesbian wedding, but nothing else!

I used to do a few "gay unions" in the Bay Area and they were always cool.

I don't know how they do it though it must hurt like hell.

My Docs "inquiring digit" once a year is enough for me

DJ Teddy Bear said:

Good point.

Is there a way to promote yourself as Gay/Alternative friendly without offending anyone?

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I don't think there's, here's a problem too, when I do other events and straight weddings sometimes you hear comments about the gay community, so you know there's a high % against it. I don't think there's a formula to it yet for exception of referral and even like that it may take a while to get into the market.

In today's economy when everyone is afraid to spend money, you must be aware of your surroundings and see what markets are available to you.
I'm a full time DJ, that must put food in the plates of my family. If more same sex marriage weddings start coming around sure I would take on them.

Like 1cdj, money in america is green.

I have never done a gay wedding
I have however done quite a few gay parties
I often take my wife as my assistant when I have 2 events booked on the same day
with that said
I never have to worry about my wife getting hit on, they respect that we are straight & taken (cant say that about regular weddings, there is always a drunk who thinks he is gods gift to women & that all women want him, married or not )
I always get payed
I have never met the gayzilla yet
I always get tipped well
I have never had a check come back
I always get good references
Heck, whats the issue?

djsarge said:

So everything is just business to you and your personal philosophy in life has no bearing on any job you will do for any client? After all, the Bridezilla is a client along with Groom Kong. Your philosophy about those kind of clients directed you to not do Weddings anymore. In that respect, why can't a DJs philosophy about Gay marriage direct them to play at one or not?

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I was waiting for one like this.. The key is that I don't do ANY weddings anymore. If I were still presenting myself as a wedding DJ, then I wouldn't pick and choose based on personal preferences. I would do the best job I could for ALL my clents, and would not turn ANYONE away due to personal beliefs.


I didn't stop doing weddings due to any personal "philosophy", I did it because after many years I no longer WANTED to do them and the fact that I make just as much doing corporates, with one tenth the aggravation, meant I don't have to. Wow! Financial freedom....

I'd have done GBLT weddings anytime over anything to do with freeloaders from churches

the God I pray to says, "When in doubt, have the party!"



Being selfish for myself and the DJ industry, I hope hundreds of thousands of straight, gay, bi, tri, and the not sures throw a party to celebrate loving someone else. I'm still trying to find the downside.

I hope it booms in CA and here in Ohio. For the companies that don't want to do them, I'll take the extra business. Praise the lord and pass the contract.

Scott Hanna said:

...I hope hundreds of thousands of straight, gay, bi, tri, and the not sures...

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" tri " ???

DJ Teddy Bear said:

" tri " ???

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" There is no tri- there is only do." - Yoda