I Think I May Be Dealing With My First Momzilla

To many ads? Support ODJT and see no ads!
sparkieg

sparkieg

Sheriff
Dec 1, 2006
2,407
47
63
Winston-Salem,North Carolina
www.kickitproductions.com
I think.........

Here is the scenario:

Kasey (bride) & Matt (Groom): A really great couple that I am really looking forward to working with next weekend May 17th. The three of us have already mapped out the format with a couple of minor revisions by Kasey just yesterday. There is a clause on page two of my contract that stipulates that the Bride, Groom and DJ have total creative control over all proceedings and that any and all changes must be approved by the bride.

I have received a couple of emails from Kaseys Mom concerning a surprise duet being sung to the couple by a friend of the Mom's for the couple to dance to. I don't like surprises, and will do anything and everything in my power to keep them from disrupting the flow of events that the Bride has already mapped out. The last thing I want is for the B&G to be embarrassed by this "surprise" or for those involved to be "embarrassed" by any negative turn of events - such as a crying bride that wasn't prepared for this type of thing - and when I say "crying", I mean the type of crying that sends the bride to the bathroom, locking herself in a stall and not coming out for an hour.

Allow me to copy and paste here the email I received today from Kasey's mom:

Hello Greg,

Hope all is well with you! Only 1½ weeks to go! Time is flying! Yikes!

I have had some different thoughts about our little “surprise duet” for Kasey and Matt. After talking to Matt’s parents as well as Kasey’s Matron of Honor and several others, I want to go with the original plan for the song “Miracle To Me” to be played for the couple's first dance. Upon hearing this song, my first idea was to have this sung as they dance their “First Dance”. One of the reasons for this is Kasey has made many references to not liking everyone looking at them while they are dancing. (Don’t mention this – she would die if she knew I told you that.) So if there is a duet being sung while they are having their “first dance”, perhaps some people will look at the singers!!!!! Therefore that means the playing of their chosen “First Dance” Song by Big and Rich will have to come later. If you have an idea as to when, let me know. I was thinking you could play it while they are mingling and actually say “this is the song Kasey and Matt chose as their “First Dance” song so maybe they would like to dance together to it now.” (I am sure you can make it sound better than I did.) Another idea is to play it as the last song of the night. Either way, whenever you play it, you can mention that it was the couple's chosen "first dance" song.

Here is my idea – After the introductions, please say “The choosing of this next song called "Miracle to Me" for the couple's "First Dance" is a surprise for Kasey and Matt as a gift from their parents. It will be sung by their friends, Cheryl and Randy Wallace. “

Also, I am emailing you the demo and the actual song. I thought you might want to hear the words since you will be giving the introduction. If you still need me to mail you a "Safe CD Demo" let me know. I can drop it in mail tomorrow.

Please email me the order of Reception that you, Kasey and Matt decided on with this change. I look forward to hearing from you!

Terri Maxcy
Mother of Bride
Please let me know you received this email - last time it never went through. Technology!!!

========

Now you guys tell me if this doesn't sound like Mom wanting to take complete control of the proceedings? I honestly have never dealt with this kind of scenario.

So, in my attempt to douse a fire before it even starts, here was my response to Terri:

Terri -

Kasey has made it clear to me that the Big n Rich tune is what she wants played as their First Dance. I haven't said anything at all about the surprise as per your wishes, but I am very concerned about springing a surprise on her and Matt that they haven't approved. Trust me when I say this - in my experience, Brides absolutely do not want anything different from what they have set as their special music or anything that differs from the format that they have already approved.

Kasey has already made the changes that she and Matt want from the original draft we drew up during our meeting. She has been in constant contact with me over the last couple of days as to what she wants, and I am dutifully and legally contractually bound to do just that. Kasey is the only person that is allowed to make changes to her format, so I am going to have to defer you to her.

Please understand that I am not at all trying to be difficult with this suggestion, it's just that I am very concerned that it isn't what Kasey and Matt want. And that is what this day is about - Kasey and Matt.

I would ask that you talk this over with her instead of surprising her with it - only because I would be very concerned about the consequences that would ensue, such as a crying bride. That's the last thing I want to happen. Can you see my point that I am trying to make?

My main concern is to make the two of them happy in the most professional way possible.

I look forward to your reply.
--
Greg McLeese
Owner/Operator
KICKIT PRODUCTIONS
MOBILE ENTERTAINMENT
http://www.kickit-productions.com

=======

Thoughts?
 
Brother Greg,

Take my advice: Burn 2 CDRs with all the songs requested and have 'em close at hand. Be prepared to stick 'em in the decks and cue up at a moment's notice. Ya never know what's gonna happen next.

This gig ought to be interesting. :D
 
First off Greg I love the reference to the time and calendar "1 1/2 weeks away" in my case i stare at a calendar 18 hours a day i know exactly how far everyones date is.

here are my questions

1. are these professional singers?

At that marine wedding i did where the groom didnt look older than brian, the mother had a surprise, she was a good karaoker and had done "I hope you dance" a billion times and was very good at it.

now remember this is a young couple, the bride always remembered her mom singing the song and years ago said "mom when i get married you're going to sing that at my wedding"

well tina (the mother) thought it'd be great to do this, to actually sing it at the wedding, sure why the heck not, it started off fine, and breanna cried and cried and cried it was a touching moment, well of course mom couldnt finish and there we were with a crashed first dance.

but yeah you gotta ask yourself who is paying the bill and if mom is paying the bill are you going to be the knight and ride with the bride and groom.

Is the mother going to be litigious if things dont go her way (if mom is paying)
if bride is paying f- what the mom says.

I have a little more leeway with these things because if i have to eat a balance for a short time i might but i know that you dont

I have a clause in my Crumley written contract that i will share with you that protects you from scenarios like this.

anyways.. trust your instincts and try to play with kid gloves but if the B&G are set then they are set, you may want to suggest that they sing the song right before or after dinner as a surprise not superceding their first dance.. thats begging for disaster
 
Fred - I'm already way ahead of ya on this one - got the CD's burned already - I did that yesterday after I got the final song from Kasey - The Mother/Groom dance was the only pending request. I had to purchase the download for it, but it was worth having for future requests. I'm just more or less concerned that this is going to turn into a battle between myself and the MOB. The good thing is, that I ALWAYS carry my contract with me to all events. Terri (MOB) is the one that signed the contract. If there are any questions, all I have to do is pull out the contract and point to the clause that applies, and then point to her signature.
 
Greg, I don't think you'll have to worry about being caught in the middle. We've managed a few of these potential SNAFUS and they always turned out well. :)

Just my gut feeling but I get the impression that Mom is dealing with a case of wedding day jitters. When it comes time to darken the house, turn the stage lights up and start the show.

Everything will be fine. The parties will come over to tell you what they want. Even if it's intros written on the top of a shoebox.

Wolfie's got faith in ya. :)
 
Response

Did the Momzilla respond to your email?
 
Richie K said:
Did the Momzilla respond to your email?
Click to expand...

Yeah Rich, she did - with four words - oops! Here ya go.

It was in reference to the song she was supposed to email me the demo of.

I also sent an updated email about 4 hours after sending the first one that is contained below:


Terri -

After sending that last email, I've done some additional thinking on the subject. Allow me to make an alternative suggestion if I may.

First of all, please understand that I want nothing more than for Kasey & Matt to have THE most perfect day ever. I'm a perfectionist and very anal about crossing all t's and dotting all i's and working to make sure everything goes off without a hitch.

With that being said, allow me to make this suggestion:

Instead of having the couple sing Kasey & Matt's First Dance to them, how about we wait until after all the special dances (which occur immediately after Formal Introductions) have been completed and the Bridal Party has had a chance to eat. Keep in mind that the majority of those involved with the wedding most likely have not eaten anything substantial for almost 4 to 6 hours by the time the introductions have been made.

Here is what I am thinking - While everyone is eating/having their coffee, etc. and your family members and Matt's family members are circulating throughout the ballroom, I can call this couple and Matt & Kasey up to the dance floor for the special song. By doing so while folks are still seated, the attention will be centered on the dance floor. And, by doing so, this will not affect the flow of events that Kasey has said she was so concerned about. She wants everything to flow seamlessly.

This can occur prior to the cake cutting and toasts, and again, will allow seamless flow from one event to another. And by doing it this way, we retain the integrity of the format that Kasey & Matt drew up.

As an additional note, I don't have the song you mentioned you were going to send.

Best Regards,
--
Greg McLeese
Owner/Operator
KICKIT PRODUCTIONS
MOBILE ENTERTAINMENT
http://www.kickit-productions.com
336-744-1154
 
I had a simular problem with a Groom... he wanted the Dollar Dance and the bride absolutely did not... and in fact had emailed me "I DO NOT WANT THE DOLLAR DANCE NO MATTER WHAT (GROOMS NAME) SAYS!" That seemed very clear to me...

She told me at the reception that she didn't want it because she didn't know the grooms family well enough and didn't want to dance with any of them....

Well the groom was persistant and wanted to know when we were doing it... I told him that his bride didn't want it.. but, not the why. He kept buggin and all I could do is smile and tell him politely no I can't do it. Of course this wasn't a satisfing answer... O-Well... I never did tell him the why.. as I figured it would only cause problems between him and his new wife....
 
djMarco said:
Rob,

You where in a tricky situation like Greg is now.
Click to expand...

Fortunately it all worked out for me... and I had to stick with the brides wishes on this one since she was the one paying.... for everything I believe includeing the ceremony... the groom was just a Seaman in the Navy so I'm sure he wasn't capable of paying.... and I'd lay money that his family didn't either. I could be wrong but after all the brides dad owned the country club where we were.
 
Wow...welcome to my world rofl....and I thought I had it bad lol...poor you greg...

Here would be my response:

Dear Mom,...stay the hell out the bride and grooms day, unless you are paying the bill.

Greg
 
When in the initial stages either at the consultation or just before contract issuance, the B2B and the G2B are specifically and pointed told that their names are on the contract and, "I will not take nor accept anything from anyone regarding their event without both your approvals. Immediate family members, regardless of who is paying for services, have not signed the agreement and therefore have no legitimate or legal say in my direction. I give you my absolute word, there will be no surprises."

In this case, the mother would have been immediately told at first mention of her plan,

"My contract is with Kasey and Matt and therefore all direction I take must be approved by the bride & groom. This policy is not subject to debate, argument, and is completely inflexible. I have given Matt and Kasey my absolute word and guarantee. Until I have their acceptance to your suggestion, I cannot even consider your request."

"You will need to seek Matt & Casey's approval and I must have their verifiable agreement to it before anything further. "

No apologies, no whimp outs, no nothing but "here's the deal". One slight crack in that wall and the entire dam will crumble.

Some folks have noticed that when a perspective client (B2B) is told only she has control the day's events and that there will be no outside surprises, she will visibly breathe a deep sigh of relief. B2Bs will rarely air political family problems to the DJ who has about the largest stake in knowing what they are beforehand.
 
Thank you and very well said, Cap. Allow me to copy and paste here a clause from Page Two of my contract with the B&G:

2) “PROVIDER” agrees to work one-on-one personally with “CLIENT” in planning and implementing events contracted for. PROVIDER, Bride &/or Groom only, have exclusive rights to make changes within the context of any written format or program. No other family member or friend is allowed to change or alter ANY part of the paying client’s format or program without face-to-face verbal commitment from said Bride &/or Groom. This clause is Non-Negotiable.
 
Sparkieg : It's a wise business person who understands and uses a contract as the singular cornerstone in building an effective, longstanding, and successful buisness.

SayHiToThisFDJ :
..stay the hell out the bride and grooms day, unless you are paying the bill.
Click to expand...
Sorry. This would be a very problematic response if the Mom had paid the bill. Whomever signs the contracts has the ultimate authority regardless of where the finances come from. Understanding your point quite clearly, nonetheless the bill paying reference is inviting disaster in the second degree.
 
sparkieg said:
Terri (MOB) is the one that signed the contract. If there are any questions, all I have to do is pull out the contract and point to the clause that applies, and then point to her signature.
Click to expand...

sparkieg said:
Thank you and very well said, Cap. Allow me to copy and paste here a clause from Page Two of my contract with the B&G:

2) “PROVIDER” agrees to work one-on-one personally with “CLIENT” in planning and implementing events contracted for. PROVIDER, Bride &/or Groom only, have exclusive rights to make changes within the context of any written format or program. No other family member or friend is allowed to change or alter ANY part of the paying client’s format or program without face-to-face verbal commitment from said Bride &/or Groom. This clause is Non-Negotiable.
Click to expand...

sparkieg - Something here sets off little red lights for me... You point to the clause on Page 2 of your contract with the B&G, but make reference to the fact that the MOB signed the contract. It would seem to me (from my layman's view) that your contract is with MOB, making HER your client...

A question to those with far more contract knowledge than I have: Wouldn't it behoove me (as the DJ) to contract with BOTH the Bride AND the Groom (signatures from both), regardless of who is paying? It seems that this would define the B&G as my clients (again, regardless of who is paying the bill) and eliminate any and all question as to whom I answer...
 
DJ Zac : Very important for sure, having BOTH the b2b and the g2b sign the contract with the language that makes them either/or responsible for contract execution.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom
Back