I feel for you and that's about the best attitude you can have going into it. Sometimes, it is just work. I hope your event surprises you.
Weddings The Do Not Play Challenge
- Thread starter camarofleet
- Start date
I feel for you and that's about the best attitude you can have going into it. Sometimes, it is just work. I hope your event surprises you.
Yea...I've had some success at events in the past with similar lists and do not play lists with MGMT - Electric Feel.
At this event, I'll probably also be playing a decent amount of Calvin Harris and some Marshmello and trying to mix in a lot of Top 40.
Does anyone have "standbys" that seem to fill the floor at weddings that aren't your typical wedding songs? In my experience, you really just need to find a few good selections to really nail your crowd reading. The first 15 minutes of whatever you select can make or break the event.
At this event, I'll probably also be playing a decent amount of Calvin Harris and some Marshmello and trying to mix in a lot of Top 40.
Does anyone have "standbys" that seem to fill the floor at weddings that aren't your typical wedding songs? In my experience, you really just need to find a few good selections to really nail your crowd reading. The first 15 minutes of whatever you select can make or break the event.
It was about as expected.
The ceremony ran long, which pushed everything back a bit. Most of the time I'm frustrated to lose dance time, this time I was thankful.
I didn't choose a single song all night that wasn't on the list they sent me. And I had to really carefully pace where I wanted to put the actual dancing tunes they sent.
For example, to open the dance floor I played:
Etta James - At Last
Temptations - My Girl
Ben E King - Stand By Me
Tony Orlando & Dawn - Knock Three Times
Foundations - Build Me Up Buttercup
Hora Medely
I was trying to build enough energy getting to the Hora that it didn't feel totally out of place. It went well:
Immediately after I went back to slow dances. And I basically stayed there until after cake cutting. I was getting requests that were people clearly aware of the energy being pretty low - and I explained to each of them that I was sticking to what the bride and groom had asked me for. They all seemed to know her well enough to not push the issue when I explained it that way.
I got one more set of 4-5 songs strung together to bring us to a close, which was:
Stevie Wonder - Signed Sealed Delivered
Whitney Houston - Dance With Somebody
B.E.P. - I Gotta Feeling
Journey - Don't Stop Believing
Last slow dance of the night - Ed Sheeran - Thinking Out Loud
It's a shame - they seemed like they would have been a really fun group to cut loose with. But.. whatever, I did what was asked, and the B&G got what they wanted.
The really sad part is that they had a Picasso, but only gave him stubby used crayons and said make a masterpiece...
Picasso I am not... but I do think I could have done more for them. Their personal vision was more important to them than having a big fun dance floor.
What they actually told me during planning.. was that they had recently been to a Jersey wedding that was very clubby. (and this is certainly not a dig at @Taso, or any other Jersey folks here). But they were horrified... They hated that style of wedding, and I think they overcorrected to the "elegant and understated" side as a result.
Oh I disagree. To a certain extent (more to others, less to some...), we all are artists like Picasso...painting the clients dreams, wishes and desires through music and how/what we say.
Dumb question, since you knew of their "horror story" ahead of time, did you give them assurances and show them a few of your videos?
I sure that would have probably changed their mind...
Now the real question is, will they file bad reviews (after their family/friends complain about you to them) or will they take the heat for it themselves.............You handled it well and great attitude. Kudos to you.
I'd be shocked if I got a bad review for following their instructions explicitly. But if it happens, I'll deal with it then.
Haha we get that A LOT from out of towners. At my wedding a friend of mine brought his gf from Minnesota and while she was amazed by the beauty of the venue and lighting and food and overall atmosphere... she was shocked at how loud the music was (funny thing is other friends of ours were asking us to tell the band and dj to play louder), and how clubby it felt when the dj was playing, especially towards the end... yet in reality, our wedding was not clubby at all by most jersey and nyc Wedding standards
I did, just last year. Followed the bride's instructions and had a bridesmaid yelling at me the whole time about "playing that stupid stuff". She bad-mouthed me all night to the bride. At the end of the night, the bride and her dad were just glowing (the event really did suck, it was 40 degrees and no heat), but the next day she ripped me to shreds online.
I don't think it's classes that are needed, just a simple formula. My biggest problem is that there are times where the grumpy old guy takes over and I forget my manners. Those are the times I get into trouble. Anytime I'm faced with this situation, I usually (try to) follow the same pattern;
1st request - That's a great song, I'll see what I can do.
2nd request - Oh, I'm so sorry, I'll see what I can do.
3rd request - Oh, I am SO sorry, I don't seem to have that one with me tonight.
4th request - I'm sorry but I'm not allowed to play requests. I have to follow my client's list only.
5th request - Get the hell away from me.
It's clearly the way you are handling it that gets you into trouble. Stringing people along with lies like that is incredibly disrespectful and if they have to come back a 3rd time they already know you're being a d***.
My first response is:
...and then I follow up. If I'm not going to play it I find that person and politely tell them face to face. If I'm going to delay playing it - I tell them that as well so they don't think I'm just blowing them off. It's never about the music - it's always about how you treat people. When it's the guest who is being a d** that too, is about something else and if I can figure out why they have attached their issue to a song - then I can find a way out. Usually, a short conversation about why they want that song turns out to be more important than actually playing it.
What I do in these situations isn't black and white. The Do Not Play list is just one customer expectation - another is getting the best results possible at their event. Best results refers to the client's interpretation - not mine. So, I respond based on the reality of what is happening in the entire room - not simply the dance floor.
I have done events where the client had very strong expectations regarding the ambience of the event, and yes - they do expect you to get people on the dance floor without deviating from that ambience. A good example of this would be a 50's/60's sock hop or Big Band/Ballroom theme. No, I won't be trying to raise the roof by teachin' anyone how to Dougie, and it's not hard for a guest to understand that. (If your honest and sympathetic.)
Other events may be entirely mainstream music with just some specific songs or artists on a Do Not Play list. If a rockin' dance floor is one of their expectations and the guests all seem to respond best to heavily played familiar repeats - then perhaps I need to check in with my customer.
I would never contradict a customer or push-back on their Do Not Play list during the planning stage. They know their guest list better than I do, and until I'm actually working the room I have no credibility criticizing their expectations. When I suggest a customer make a change I do so with a demonstrable and compelling reason. My personal inclination or preference is not one such reason.
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I ABSOLUTELY reject that characterization.
It certainly isn't a dilemma if you work with client's whose "instructions" are based in an established trust in your talents and you are honest with everyone, including requesting guests.
Certainly, one may occasionally encounter a selfish, ignorant, and/or inebriated requesting a-hole but that is not as common as the surrender addicts would have everyone believe.
While likely very beneficial to anyone, diplomacy lessons will not eliminate, or even alleviate the subject problem.
I have been very fortunate.
Most of my DNP lists are small enough that I can work around it without breaking a sweat.
On the rare occasion that I get a DNP with EVERYTHING on it...
I have a real heart to heart with the B&G and try to resolve it.
Or, at the very least, make a deal with them to give myself an "out" if the floor is empty.
Sometimes, they see the empty dance floor and change their tune....
sometimes, they stick to their guns, and I have to bite the bullet and follow their instructions.
I always seem to get a big DNP list when I really NEED those songs (on the list)!
Never when it's a crowd that'll dance to ANYTHING!
I still have vivid memories of the bride that not only wanted to pick EVERY song,
but also wanted to pick the ORDER that I played each one.
That was the night I went home 2 hours early.
Most of my DNP lists are small enough that I can work around it without breaking a sweat.
On the rare occasion that I get a DNP with EVERYTHING on it...
I have a real heart to heart with the B&G and try to resolve it.
Or, at the very least, make a deal with them to give myself an "out" if the floor is empty.
Sometimes, they see the empty dance floor and change their tune....
sometimes, they stick to their guns, and I have to bite the bullet and follow their instructions.
I always seem to get a big DNP list when I really NEED those songs (on the list)!
Never when it's a crowd that'll dance to ANYTHING!
I still have vivid memories of the bride that not only wanted to pick EVERY song,
but also wanted to pick the ORDER that I played each one.
That was the night I went home 2 hours early.
I'd have been home all night or performing at a different event.
DNP lists are as important as any aspect of the planning and warrant and get honest, complete attention and consideration.
A client unwilling to undertake honest, complete attention and consideration is not my client.