A minister's advice for wedding entertainment

[DJ PAUL]

If your going to but into another persons PRIVATE conversation be prepared to be told to "BUT OUT!" You have no idea of the circumstances of that conversation and do not know the history of that conversation they could be related, Southern baptist, just attended a wedding, or going over a script for a play.

MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS! Literally and philosophically!

Paul

 

[ahoustondj]

But to get back to the orginal topic, don't you think it would be kind of tasteless to turn your attention away from your prospective clients to hand someone else your business card? I'm not comfortable doing it.

If MY prospects were already there, I would not have interceded. You stated in your OP that your prospects came in after you overheard that conversation.

Because lets play the "what if" game. Lets just say you did talk to them and booked a $2000 booking or whatever it may be. You saved the bride and groom disaster....well good for you. Let's say you don't save the day...and you come off as an arrogant dj pushing your services...trust me...that could easily backfire. It shouldn't....but guess what....it can easily happen.

Sometimes it's better to play it safe.

You guys crack me up! Some of you are so afraid of being blacklisted that you will do/not do anything.

 

[Proformance]

The other night I was sitting in a Starbucks waiting to meet with a prospective bride & groom. (bride & groom's location choice) Sitting at the next table was a wedding minister & a prospective bride & groom.

The minister's voice carried so well, I could hear everything he was saying to them. He was asking them questions about their wedding plans. One of the questions was about their choice for entertainment. They had said they weren't sure, but were leaning towards rigging up an MP3 player.

This idiot Minister, told them that this was a great choice, they can save a lot of money & play the music THEY want to hear rather than pay a DJ that will play his favorites. He said he always suggests this to couples. In this day & age it makes no sense to hire a DJ especially what they charge & couples can create their own playlists.

I could not take it any longer. This guy was an idiot. I wanted to step in & educate this couple properly on the pros & cons of wedding entertainment and that a good wedding DJ can make their event a true success. Why are they accepting entertainment advice from this guy?

I also wanted to suggest to the bride & groom that they can truly save money by asking one of their family members or friends to perform the ceremony. In AZ anyone can go online & get ordained & there are many websites where you can gather ceremony scripts, this way their ceremony would have a more "Personal feel". (give him a taste of his own medicine)....................But, before I could do that, my prospective couple showed up & now my attention had to be focused on them.

To get involved in their conversation/hand them my business card with my prospective clients there would appear rather cheesey. I would love to find out who that minister was!

What would you do?

Let me give you an alternate opinion from another DJ:

The minister was correct. I don't think your intentions are any less cheezy in a story than had you acted them out.

1. The conversation was private and you had no business listening in.
2. Your sense of entitlement regarding other people's priorities and your advantage is out of line.
3. Your intention to intrude only proves the minister's point about "control" and the elimination of a DJ.

You didn't act because you knew the behavior in question would drive away your own customer. So, why then would it be appropriate if they were not looking?

If it had been another DJ rather than a minister would you have intruded on his sales meeting? Is it okay if I intrude on yours should I happen to disagree with something I over-hear?

The fact is, the minister is potentially a witness to a far greater variety of DJs and their behavior than you are. Your compelling need to "set them straight" and exercise control over someone else's exchange is entirely consistent with the opinion implied by his reinforcement of the couples decision to forego a DJ.

PLease tell us you were not foolish enough to dump this same story on your prospective clients?

 

[Proformance]

I would have said, "Excuse me for butting in but I just can't help hearing you give these two lovely people the worst advice on what would be their most memorable day. While you are at it, why don't you teach them to make their own Wedding Cake. As a Wedding professional myself, I am horrified that you are trying to place them on a path to disaster on their Special Day." I would then hand them my card and tell them I would be happy to answer any questions they may have.

First, you don't know that the minister is not ALSO their wedding planner. Hell, maybe he's a certified W.E.D. guild member! LOL. Even worse - you might find yourself telling off the bride's unlce or father.

If you are so inlcined to make your credentials known, you can do that without insulting the couple or discrediting their minister. You would casually excuse yourself and offer the following:

"Excuse me for intruding, I just happen to over-hear you mention your upcoming wedding and thoughts about entertainment. If you'd like some additional information about what it would be like to employ a DJ - I'd be happy to discuss it with you free of any obligatrion. In fact, I happen to be meeting here with another couple myself. Here's my number/card - and congratulations on your engagement."

Honey = curious and helpful
Vinegar = intruding and authoritative

 

[DJMN]

Blacklisted from what? Starbucks?? Bwah ha ha ha! Oh my.

 

[Bill Kexel]

PLease tell us you were not foolish enough to dump this same story on your prospective clients?

Why would I dump this story on my prospective clients?
I disagree with you about #2. This was a public place & the minister was talking loudly, it was almost like he wanted others to hear him. If they wanted no one to listen in, Starbucks was not the place to be.

 

[JPDJSC50]

Ministers always want people to hear them,, lol ,, we all have a little bit of ego and I have mine as well, sometimes we need to smile and pass them a card like Proformance says and chuck it up,, they may know a bunch of brides that do need a dj,

 

[Fred Wright]

If it's any help...

Ministers talk loud by profession. It comes with the job. I can't recall the many times we've offered a minister or officiant a mic for ceremony use, only to be declined. They don't need it.

Agreed, it's never easy when we hear our business being stepped on. Especially so when the purported advice is generalized and used as a method for saving money.

In this case, the B&G could follow the advice but the outcome is iffy at best. Most times, the B&G are too busy to play DJ and entertain their guests at the same time. Getting someone else to do it is a risky proposition. I wouldn't want to be that minister if the reception music got FUBARed.

True, I'd have minded my own beeswax too. These are examples of let the buyer beware. We can't always save people from their own incompetence.

 

[Proformance]

Why would I dump this story on my prospective clients?
I disagree with you about #2. This was a public place & the minister was talking loudly, it was almost like he wanted others to hear him. If they wanted no one to listen in, Starbucks was not the place to be.

Being in a public place does not make other people's private conversations a public forum.
You are getting feedback here because you invited it. There was no such invitation extended to you at Starbucks.

Even if you chose to politely offer your business card and congratulate them - there is no way to avoid their reactiion to the knowledge that you were eavesdropping on their private conversation. That's just creepy, and as one person commented - often earns your card a quick and conspicuous trip the "circular file cabinet."

 

[ahoustondj]

First, you don't know that the minister is not ALSO their wedding planner. Hell, maybe he's a certified W.E.D. guild member! LOL. Even worse - you might find yourself telling off the bride's unlce or father.

If you are so inlcined to make your credentials known, you can do that without insulting the couple or discrediting their minister. You would casually excuse yourself and offer the following:



Honey = curious and helpful
Vinegar = intruding and authoritative

Bob,
Here in Texas we don't beat around the bush. There might be Rattlers in hiding! We go straight for the throat. They don't know me I don't know them. I have nothing to loose. It will depend on the tone as to whether it would warrant me actually butting in. I was going exactly by the OPs words. No other scenarios were being entered in the equation. No other "if" "and" or "but"!

 

[Kirby Ball]

If I were that couple and a DJ butted in...I would have been more than happy to take their card. Then on the way out make sure that the DJ saw me drop his card into the trash can.

Its just plain rude to butt into someone's conversation regardless if its in a public place.

Bingo! The Mac Man summed it up quite well.

 

[Jeff Romard]

In all honesty why do you care. For me I gave up trying to "educate" anyone a long time ago. If they want to save a few bucks and run an ipod with poor quality sound have at 'er it only makes it easier for me to sell services to the friends they have at thir wedding.

If they are considering an Ipod or me I will tell them what I can do in comparison to an ipod but if they are stuck on it it's not my place to talk them down

 

[ahoustondj]

Agreed, it's never easy when we hear our business being stepped on. Especially so when the purported advice is generalized and used as a method for saving money.

My sentiments exactly. You have to nip it in the bud! :yosword: You would be surprised how easily that crap spreads. They go home and tell another prospective newlywed, etc and then the word spreads. :yofaint: DJing is my territory and if I see anyone messing with it I will defend it, including DJs who don't like to spread their speakers! :yoknockout: Thats my story and I am sticking to it. Pass me another brew Rick. On second thoughts never mind. :yowigglyeyes: You are in the other camp on this one and I don't want you passing me any stale beer! :yowigglyeyes2:

 

[Proformance]

Bob,
Here in Texas we don't beat around the bush. There might be Rattlers in hiding! We go straight for the throat. They don't know me I don't know them. I have nothing to loose. It will depend on the tone as to whether it would warrant me actually butting in. I was going exactly by the OPs words. No other scenarios were being entered in the equation. No other "if" "and" or "but"!

You have to nip it in the bud! You would be surprised how easily that crap spreads. They go home and tell another prospective newlywed, etc and then the word spreads. DJing is my territory and if I see anyone messing with it I will defend it, including DJs who don't like to spread their speakers! Thats my story and I am sticking to it.

The thing is Canute, DJing is not your territory until someone makes it your territory by employing you to do it. Until then - it is an ability you posses, a personal asset; and not some universal force to be reckoned with.

The playground is changing. New toys and kids with new ideas mean that we are going to be faced with different demands and differnet notions about what is an acceptable source of music for dancing and celebrating. 20 - 25 years ago I had the perrennial adults who would stand by watching the DJ trying to make up their mind whether or not this "new-fangled" way of playing dance music at weddings was an appropriate substitute for a live band or just a tacky trend.

The DIY wedding is still in it's infancy yet, there are still many more success stories than there are nightmares. I know because what used to be a rental market for the middle-man DJ has turned into a market of end users instead. DJs no longer have the market cornered on private events and haven't for nearly the last 10 years. No amount of "defense" will reverse that. Everyone's "niche" is much narrower than it used to be.

The notion of "educating" a client is obsolete. The clients are already fully educated about what it takes to be a DJ - they just don't always agree with our opinions and priorities. The wedding DJ is at least a 30 year old phenomenon and today's bride's have all grown up with DJs as a central figure in entertainment. There is no mystery about what we do and how we do it.

The sales process today hinges entirely upon need - a value whose prominence also happens to rise in weak economomic times. Unless and until you properly assess someone's individual needs your opinion of a DJ at their wedding is without authority. Thus, sharing it uninvited is often worthless and possibly arrogant.

 

[Proformance]

I disagree with you about #2. This was a public place & the minister was talking loudly, it was almost like he wanted others to hear him. If they wanted no one to listen in, Starbucks was not the place to be.

It's not about your ability to hear them - it's about being invited or solicited to critique them. You weren't.

 

[ahoustondj]

The thing is Cahout,

The name is Canute....there...I nipped that in the bud! LOL

 

[Proformance]

The name is Canute....there...I nipped that in the bud! LOL

My bad. There I fixed it for you. I wouldn't want Canute to think I was in cahouts with anyone else!

 

[DJ PAUL]

Let's do the math:
One family minister, has preached thru the young couples life every Sunday, may even have counseled the young couple on marriage or some other life issue.

One stranger, who listened in on their private conversation, disagrees with the minister, then shoves a card in the young couples hand claiming to be a DJ, the same kind of DJ the minster is saying is not good fit.

Equals= Another black eye for djs. Not your perception the young couples.

Paul

 

[ahoustondj]

Let's do the math:
One family minister, has preached thru the young couples life every Sunday, may even have counseled the young couple on marriage or some other life issue.

One stranger, who listened in on their private conversation, disagrees with the minister, then shoves a card in the young couples hand claiming to be a DJ, the same kind of DJ the minster is saying is not good fit.

Equals= Another black eye for djs. Not your perception the young couples.

Paul

Maybe so my friend, maybe so.
But unless one tries, one will never know!

 

[Scott Hanna]

Being in a public place does not make other people's private conversations a public forum.
You are getting feedback here because you invited it. There was no such invitation extended to you at Starbucks.
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I agree. We are all free to listen to someone talking loudly. But, to interrupt someone's conversation to correct someone, regardless of how "wrong" you see it, is almost always going to be seen as extremely rude.

I heard some recently at a coffee shop telling his friend how he has an iphone 4g phone with Verizon, and the speeds of the 4g network are amazing. He was talking very loudly and going on and on. He said he ordered an ipad 2 because that 4g built into it too...again, WRONG. Everything he said was more wrong than the previous statement. Tempted as I was to tell this guy he had no idea what he was talking about and the iphone 4 actually used Verizon's 3G network, as does the ipad2, I simply moved where I could enjoy my coffee without having to hear someone broadcast to as many people as possible that he has no idea what he is talking about.

Everyone has the right to be completely wrong.

As far as the OP goes, If all fears are realized, and their wedding is "ruined" by an ipod, I would not blame the minister. It's still the couple's responsibility to do what's best for them. If they take council from people that don't know what they are talking about, they need to look at their own abilities to seek assistance and their ability to identify good council.