Meeting today - a bit apprehensive

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rickryan.com

rickryan.com

Mac Daddy DJ
ODJT Supporter
Dec 9, 2009
20,053
18,448
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Hendersonville, TN
www.rickryan.com
I have one booked for 5/22. Bride is adorable. We've spoken on phone and email. She asked if I'd meet with her and the groom today in my hometown at 2p. That was a month ago. Monday night she calls me about 8:30p. Very apologetic that she was calling me so late but she said her mom insisted that she call and not wait until morning and said "DJs are always up late" (we put kids to bed by 8:30p as we get up at 5a). Red flag #1.

She said mom insisted that she is included on this meeting. Red flag #2. Furthermore, mom wants the meeting moved to her town, 30 minutes away. Red flag #3. I believe the phrase was also passed along "Since I'm paying for it, this is where and when I want the DJ to come meet us." Red flag #4.

I told the bride no problem but now my spidey senses are tingling. Thinking I might just be walking into an over-bearing mom situation. Now I've had a few of these before and usually can present myself pro enough to quash any silly "I'm the boss" stuff. It did get me to thinking that I'd like to get ya'll's thoughts on this type situation. How do you normally deal with the "take charge, I'm the boss, and I'm going to lord it over you" kind of people?
 
Be courteous, professional and on top of your game.


Don't let the mom start controlling the meeting, because "she is paying for it."

Me..this is what I would do. And I have no reason to beat around the bush.

(If the mom was makng all the decisions) I would kindly remind the mom, that the attention should be on the bride and groom, and they should ultimately be able to make most of the important decisions.

I've had moms with for meetings, but they have always been sweethearts, and they are footing the bill, but yet they sit and offer suggestions collectively as a team to ensure the get the best bang for their buck.

And flat out, if the mom becomes overpowering, and you can tell this is going in a direction you are not comfortable with, hold your ground, and straight out ask the mom, who's wedding is this?

I really don't see it coming to this point, but you never know.

Just make sure you collectively work together to make this event a success. It is 100% ok for mom to have input, but sometimes you might need to hold some ground to ensure this event is manageable and successful


Don't worry, I bet it will all work out just fine.
 
rickryan.com said:
I have one booked for 5/22. Bride is adorable. We've spoken on phone and email. She asked if I'd meet with her and the groom today in my hometown at 2p. That was a month ago. Monday night she calls me about 8:30p. Very apologetic that she was calling me so late but she said her mom insisted that she call and not wait until morning and said "DJs are always up late" (we put kids to bed by 8:30p as we get up at 5a). Red flag #1.

She said mom insisted that she is included on this meeting. Red flag #2. Furthermore, mom wants the meeting moved to her town, 30 minutes away. Red flag #3. I believe the phrase was also passed along "Since I'm paying for it, this is where and when I want the DJ to come meet us." Red flag #4.

I told the bride no problem but now my spidey senses are tingling. Thinking I might just be walking into an over-bearing mom situation. Now I've had a few of these before and usually can present myself pro enough to quash any silly "I'm the boss" stuff. It did get me to thinking that I'd like to get ya'll's thoughts on this type situation. How do you normally deal with the "take charge, I'm the boss, and I'm going to lord it over you" kind of people?
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The first thing put in bold. I consider 8:30 early in the night and I got two little ones. I mention to some clients they can call me until 11pm. =)


The other thing highlighted....If mileage is a problem, I would mention to the bride that since it is a bit out of the way, you will need to charge just a bit more for travel to the meeting since this is a new development.
 
You'll do fine, just be yourself. No need to worry about it. Mom is probably just super-stressed because like most weddings, she's over budget.

On a side note, my meeting this past Sunday was for a potential bride in October. They drove 2 hours to meet and have lunch with me. I offered to meet half-way, but they said no biggie, they'd enjoy the drive. Had a wonderful meeting, good food and signed the contract. :)
 
Randy A said:
You'll do fine, just be yourself. No need to worry about it. Mom is probably just super-stressed because like most weddings, she's over budget.

On a side note, my meeting this past Sunday was for a potential bride in October. They drove 2 hours to meet and have lunch with me. I offered to meet half-way, but they said no biggie, they'd enjoy the drive. Had a wonderful meeting, good food and signed the contract. :)
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Mom was stressed, but not because of over-budget. Her other daughter had a dud of a reception. Mom and dad were there with the couple and the meeting was fantastic. Ended up selling the uplighting package and let me tell you, that sold easy as soon as I showed a video of the blisslights. I just paid for one of those units. Mom and bride were all smiles when we left.

Oh, and weirdest thing. We're meeting at a Shoney's restaurant. As we get up to leave a lady walks up and says "Pardon me but are you a DJ?" End of story, we chat a minute and I give her a quote for a 17th birthday party in 2 weeks (Friday night). She said she wants to do it.

A very productive evening, to say the least.
 
rickryan.com said:
I have one booked for 5/22. Bride is adorable. We've spoken on phone and email. She asked if I'd meet with her and the groom today in my hometown at 2p. That was a month ago. Monday night she calls me about 8:30p. Very apologetic that she was calling me so late but she said her mom insisted that she call and not wait until morning and said "DJs are always up late" (we put kids to bed by 8:30p as we get up at 5a). Red flag #1.

She said mom insisted that she is included on this meeting. Red flag #2. Furthermore, mom wants the meeting moved to her town, 30 minutes away. Red flag #3. I believe the phrase was also passed along "Since I'm paying for it, this is where and when I want the DJ to come meet us." Red flag #4.

I told the bride no problem but now my spidey senses are tingling. Thinking I might just be walking into an over-bearing mom situation. Now I've had a few of these before and usually can present myself pro enough to quash any silly "I'm the boss" stuff. It did get me to thinking that I'd like to get ya'll's thoughts on this type situation. How do you normally deal with the "take charge, I'm the boss, and I'm going to lord it over you" kind of people?
Click to expand...


I had a planner tell one of my brides (aunt of the bride, but one time professional planner). That I should come and check out the venue the next weekend. I reminded the bride that I would be coming to her rehearsal the day before and that would sufficient. The bride thought she was being a little anal, and had no problems.

I guess what I'm saying is focus on the bride and groom not the mom even though she will be there. Make it about them if she is that much of an attention hog just remember its one night and it will be all over. You will have once again survived and made a bunch of money along the way. The only other option really would be to cancel and return all fees etc etc.

You could also as was stated let her know that in the future you don't respond after a certain time of night. And that if the distance is that much of an issue that you might have to charge her a travel fee as that would have been added into your pricing if certain distance had been mentioned before. For me I would not really have a problem with a 1/2 hour drive. The event I spoke of earlier was 1 1/2 hour away. I would have just told the bride no sorry. Worst thing she could do is say ok I'm canceling you. I would bet you the mom would eat a big crow before that happens.
 
Amazing what can happen in spite of worrying!

Great job.

Dave
 
The J Mac and I have always held a firm stance that the day belongs to the bride and groom, regardless of who is paying. It is their wedding. We make sure that they know that going into the contract signing and that if their parents are there, they know that, too. While we do encourage the bride and groom to add requests from close friends and family, and while we do take requests from the guests at the reception, whatever the bride and groom wants is what we play. We emphasize a Do Not Play reason for that purpose.

Case in point: At one wedding a couple of years ago, the mother of the groom decided that she wanted the groom-mother dance replayed so that she could dance with the bride. She pulled this stunt at the reception, no less. We asked the bride and groom separately if this major change was okay with them and they agreed to it. Their agreement is the only reason why we went along with it.

Be friendly to the mom, but show that you are the professional. Take charge at the meeting and make the meeting all about the bride and groom. If she butts in, listen patiently, but refer back to the bride and groom on the comment or suggestion. For example, if she butts in and suggests some music titles, nod your head to her, take down the suggested titles, and ensure that it's cool with the bride and groom for you to mix in a few of those titles throughout the evening.

Whatever you do, try not to upset the mom. Remember that she has the potential to recommend our services or drive your name into the mud with coworkers who could be potential clients.

Good luck with this. :)
 
One thought not mentioned and of course JTV and his unique way of thinking. If I was buying a car for my Daughter I likely wouldnt hand her 15,000 and say go have fun buy whatever you want. Unless I was Paris Hiltons BMWD. Whomever is paying holds my job security in their wallet. If you have a limit to your meeting travel distance without extra fee simply enter it into your contract and marketing material. Perhaps even on your website.I laugh at the idea that oh my God Im the DJ how dare someone ask for credibility or ask to have it their way. After all who is paying for the services?
 
Here's how I see it:

When meeting with the bride and groom only, THEY make the decision.
When you add a parent that is paying: The bride and groom are the focal point, but the lever in this equation is the parent. To tell the parent that the B&G are in charge, while the parent is holding the checkbook is perilous. The B&G HAVE to defer to the parent, they will have that relationship long after the DJ is gone.

Just a thought.

Dave


Clarify: Music choice...ok. Money paid...watch out.
 
For me it boils down to this, the day belongs to the B&G and if whomever is holding the checkbook doesn't like it, then they don't have to hire us. A ruined wedding day due to an overbearing parent will be long remembered regardless of the parent-child relationship.
 
as in the authors follow up post the Brides Mom had been caught off guard by a hack. Protecting her investment and saving her daughters day by making certain a proper service was being provided seems to shout love for the dream her daughter has. I totally concur with a parent wanting to help assure success. Overbearing is a symptom of todays world and typical assumption. We automatically accuse someone who cares of being overbearing. Again I say in the end whomever is paying has the ultimate control. If they write a check and then voids it I dont get paid even if the bride and groom sign the contract. This also leads into a question. If you in fact sign a contract and another person is in charge of payment I want them at the meeting and main signature on my contract otherwise I leave myself wide open to non payment.
 
If it's going to be an overbearing parent or one who actually is looking out for the best interests of the B&G, that normally comes out pretty quickly at a meeting.

We've had both the parents and the B&G sign our contracts, but like Ducky mentioned it is reitterated to the parents that the B&G are the boss, not the check holder. Yeah we've lost a few because of that, but that really doesn't bother us.
 
I appreciate everything you guys have contributed but I don't see one point that I think should be made. We, as the service provider, are not always just at the whim of the over-bearing parent or the bridezilla. By our actions we can, often times, also silently steer the client where we want them to go. Not to pat myself on the back but this one could've gotten out of hand easily but I took initiative, gave a big smile, then put everyone at ease. Once that hurdle was taken care of the rest of the meeting was a breeze and they ended up buying uplighting. Had I just sat back, coldly, and said "Okay, how would you folks like it?" it could've just as easily devolved into a tug of war between mom and daughter. Not that I always hit it right but, just so happens, last night was an "on" game for me, personally.
 
I was just reading on a competitors blog about how he is more than happy to travel to meet a client because he knows no one else will make the effort. And that's just for the interview before they book. I can't imagine how much money he wastes doing that. Probably why he charges so much. But I understand the point, we work for them, and need to make a good impression, after all there are other DJs "applying" for the same job.
 
Discount DJs said:
I was just reading on a competitors blog about how he is more than happy to travel to meet a client because he knows no one else will make the effort. And that's just for the interview before they book. I can't imagine how much money he wastes doing that. Probably why he charges so much. But I understand the point, we work for them, and need to make a good impression, after all there are other DJs "applying" for the same job.
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I don't think it's much trouble to drive for half an hour to book a client. When it comes to 2 hours - just to interview for the booking - that's when I'll decline.
 
Agreed Anna there would have to be some sort of compensation for my fuel in a case of 1 hour or more for me. If it is to also see a new venue to me I might pass over the fee.
 
In my entire career since '94, I've only declined a wedding event once. I met with the bride in the very beginning of the consultation (her mom was there as well).

I sensed a battle between the Mom and daughter when it came to making decisions on agenda flow and music selections.

There were red flags for me as I could feel the 'hurt' that was being created needlessly by Mom.

Days later after our initial consultation the Mom would make several calls to my office in an attempt for me to be 'on her side' for planning and music choices.

After much thought and after their down payment and contract I gladly refunded their money and never looked back.

This was a very rare case in my business and this person was going to be very difficult to make happy; therefore, I didn't want to referee.
 
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