Healthy Boundaries - When Lines Are Crossed

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camarofleet

DJ Extraordinaire
Jun 26, 2018
134
107
38
I had a couple book a wedding with me last year. Nice people, the couple themselves prepaid and have been pretty low maintenance. During the sales process, the father of the bride wanted to interview me in a separate phone call his daughter was not on, as he has many Dj and musician friends offering their services for "next to nothing". Of course I had to qualify why he wasn't jumping at those opportunities and why his daughter was talking to me and another service at that time. Long story short I apparently answered something right as I landed the job.

Around the time of booking, the father had quite a few different "ideas" of his father/daughter dance which he wanted to keep a surprise from his daughter. These included him performing, him sharing a love story, him doing karaoke etc. Of course, I am ok with all of these ideas as long as the couple is ok with it. I agreed to supply the proper playback method for any sound recording or a karaoke track. I am happy to make reasonable accommodations if it generates a special moment for this bride and her family.

From there, I started sharing some logistical challenges that may accompany his requests. For example, he does not believe he will be able to "keep it together" to perform. There's also the challenge of being mic'd or holding a mic as you're trying to dance. As a courtesy (not only is he a musician with Dj friends but is also a photographer), I extended an offer to come to him and do a brief recording session as long as I am in the area as I had other couples to meet with in that direction (and he has practiced ahead of time so we can get it done in a few takes). I gave him two potential dates. I did not hear back (nor did I chase him to do it as it was free and therefore not a high priority). When I followed up, he was too busy with work to accommodate these dates. I explained he can record himself on his computer or whatever, send me the file and I can attempt to clean/sync it. This would not work for him for various reasons.

He asked if I could come to him, preferably during a workday during the week (I have a day job). He also has a "friend with a studio" and shared me their rates and asked how to do the recording. I countered with one last opportunity - he agreed to meet me at a studio in my area. I made the reservation (on my only day off this month) and waited for him - he was a no-show as he ended up in the hospital the day before. He expressed that he still wanted to record. At this point I advised him that he may be better off practicing to do something live or have his friend do the recording for him. I sent him an instrumental file to use. I have not heard back from him.

Although frustrated, I can't help it but I somehow feel bad - like there is probably more I could do to accommodate, however, I have already given up my last day off for this. Also, I do not know this person, and am hoping he does not try to stick me with any bill from his friends' studio if that is the route he takes (I never offered to pay for it, I simply said if he used a studio I am affiliated with he would not be charged). This was extended as a courtesy, and the client nor her father were billed for it.

How do you all deal with professional courtesies and setting boundaries to not get walked all over or appear to give off bad customer service?
 
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Reactions: Ausumm and ittigger
It sounds like you went well beyond the call ..

I got to agree you went much farther than I would have and I'm pretty accommodating
 
I agree with Steve, Jeff, Tigger, and anyone else who agrees....
you certainly tried to accommodate him...
and each time HE was the one who didn't follow through.
My only worry is that now, he expects you to continue to try accommodate him.
And if/when it doesn't work out, he will dump on you.
I hope I am wrong.
 
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Reactions: ittigger and djrox
I agree with Steve, Jeff, Tigger, and anyone else who agrees....
you certainly tried to accommodate him...
and each time HE was the one who didn't follow through.
My only worry is that now, he expects you to continue to try accommodate him.
And if/when it doesn't work out, he will dump on you.
I hope I am wrong.
I'll second Mr. Foxx's post.

This is simply another unfortunate example of the reality that if you don't establish, at the onset, a clear and tangible value for something, the intended recipients will often and logically do the same or at least no more.

Learn and avoid future unfortune.
 
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Reactions: ittigger
Perhaps simply saying this type of service is outside of what the original wedding DJ quote package covers from the get go. Maybe charge something for your time so you are earning additional income, and don't feel like you are bending over backwards for the client?

I had a groom drive all the way to my house to practice singing a song on my system one time. He drove up from Virginia, and I live in Baltimore. I offered my time for free, but I wasn't going to drive to his house and set everything up. The groom was happy too drive to my house though, so it was all good. He drove up on a weekday and was here for about a little over an hour.
 
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Reactions: Ausumm