Office dilemma

DJ Ricky B

DJ Extraordinaire
Mar 9, 2015
3,945
37
I'm trying to make myself more available to help with their care. My main goal here is to allow my dad to die in his home without being thrown into a nursing home. Sorry if that sounds morbid but losing my brother in January changed my perspective, a lot.

Knowing my Dad, he would never go into a nursing home. So I understand this. My Dad is only 74 years young turning 75 this year and he still DJs, and he keeps his blood sugar, cholesterol etc. numbers in the good range. He just might be deejaying well into his 80s
 

IceBurghDJ

DJ Extraordinaire
Apr 17, 2015
1,711
57
Western Pennsylvania
iceburghdj.com
Exactly.
My booking / closing rate DOUBLED when I started meeting clients at my house (dedicated office, separate entrance) over starbucks, etc. And a LOT more time effecient and I used NO gas! LOL


I've thought about the rent-a-space places, as well as going back to Panera/Sbux, but a big part of our presentation is when they walk in and see that wall full of big prints, along with the TV rolling a slideshow. It works magic on establishing credibility and helps make the sale. I've also heard a couple of clients lately who made mention of our competitors who "don't have a real office." I've also reached out to some friends who bought a mansion property (long-time wedding venue) to see if they have a room we could rent (they have a few buildings on the property). If I could get an agreement with them it would be ideal for cross-promotion purposes. The home office is actually laid out really good but our dog is going to be a big turn-off (and it ain't an option to get rid of him).

I think I'm going to slow down and not rush into anything. We're in dead season for bookings and I don't expect any real volume until November. We have a rental studio available that we can use for any portrait sessions that pop up.
 

Jeff Romard

Administrator
Staff member
Sep 4, 2006
12,743
49
Sydney, Nova Scotia
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ittigger

Hundred Acre Industry Icon
Feb 1, 2011
13,460
Western Maryland
I'm trying to make myself more available to help with their care. My main goal here is to allow my dad to die in his home without being thrown into a nursing home. Sorry if that sounds morbid but losing my brother in January changed my perspective, a lot.
Rick, you may see this as offensive, but you couldn't be more wrong - it is anything but that. Please take it to heart and soak it in.

While we all want to stay at home until we die, reality is that this may not provide the best quality of life for our parents. I've been through it recently enough. Like you, I and my family thought that we could take care of our parents easily enough. At first, one of my parents lost her social life - she couldn't drive anymore and none of her friends drove anymore. The only people she saw was family, Dr's and the Meals On Wheels driver. We were going to build an in law suite on the back of our house and move her in with us. After many, many, many discussions, we had a reality moment - what would this have accomplished - other than more alone time and still no social life? After thinking long and extremely hard about things, the decision came to move her into assisted living. These are private apartments with help if you need it. Week 1, it was like she was on a vacation - she perked back up, was bouncing around and full of energy - she also had a social life again. Week 2, still full of energy. Week 3, this is beginning to be a long trip. Week 4, depression because reality hits that this is now home. Week 5 / 6, perk right back up and starting to enjoy life again, she had freedom to do whatever she wanted, go wherever she wanted (bus, family, friends), eat whatever she wanted, etc.

If you are the caregiver, then it is you that will be the one to have to provide them the quality of life they want and/or need. This will definitely impact your life. If you are unable to give them the quality of life that they want or need, then you are now affecting their lives as well as your own and your family (spouse, kids, brothers, sisters, etc). The result is multiple people (to include a parent) with anger, frustration, disappointment, etc - and this can be avoided.

You do DJ work and take pictures. Would you trust a mechanic to play music and be able to provide the same level of service as you do? If not, then how can you provide the same level of care and service as someone in a nursing field?

Looking back, I know many others that also tried to take care of their parents - and ended up driving themselves crazy trying to be the caretaker, trying to be pleasant and having no life. You don't have to accept anything I say as fact and you are completely fine in doing so - the BEST thing you can do to educate yourself on this is to speak to an Elder Law attorney or specialist and families that have gone through this (on as many sides as you can - home care provided by you, provided by others and assisted living). They have this very same knowledge and more - and can explain to you the exact situations and exactly what happens to those that believe they can do all and the result of those situations.

I'd like to believe that most of us want to do the best for our parents. You simply can't do it yourself without your (and their) quality of life taking a hit. So, in aiming to provide the best, you end up providing a quality nowhere near it. What happens when you personally can't? Are you prepared to completely give up your (and your family) life, quality of life and happiness to ensure that another does have a quality of life? If you had known in advance, would you have made things better by making changes which would allow you and your parent(s) to have better quality time and a better quality of life? Again, you can avoid all of this by educating yourself now.
 
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rickryan.com

DJ Extraordinaire
Dec 9, 2009
12,370
54
Hendersonville, TN
www.RickRyan.com
Rick, you may see this as offensive, but you couldn't be more wrong - it is anything but that. Please take it to heart and soak it in. While we all want to stay at home until we die, reality is that this may not provide the best quality of life for our parents. I've been through it recently enough.

Like you, I and my family thought that we could take care of our parents easily enough. At first, one of my parents lost her social life - she couldn't drive anymore and none of her friends drove anymore. The only people she saw was family, Dr's and the Meals On Wheels driver. We were going to build an in law suite on the back of our house and move her in with us. After many, many, many discussions, we had a reality moment - what would this have accomplished - other than more alone time and still no social life? After thinking long and extremely hard about things, the decision came to move her into assisted living. These are private apartments with help if you need it. Week 1, it was like she was on a vacation - she perked back up, was bouncing around and full of energy - she also had a social life again. Week 2, still full of energy. Week 3, this is beginning to be a long trip. Week 4, depression because reality hits that this is now home. Week 5 / 6, perk right back up and starting to enjoy life again, she had freedom to do whatever she wanted, go wherever she wanted (bus, family, friends), eat whatever she wanted, etc.

If you are the caregiver, then it is you that will be the one to have to provide them the quality of life they want and/or need. This will definitely impact your life. If you are unable to give them the quality of life that they want or need, then you are now affecting their lives as well as your own and your family (spouse, kids, brothers, sisters, etc). The result is multiple people (to include a parent) with anger, frustration, disappointment, etc - and this can be avoided.

You do DJ work and take pictures. Would you trust a mechanic to play music and be able to provide the same level of service as you do? If not, then how can you provide the same level of care and service as someone in a nursing field?

Looking back, I know many others that also tried to take care of their parents - and ended up driving themselves crazy trying to be the caretaker, trying to be pleasant and having no life. You don't have to accept anything I say as fact and you are completely fine in doing so - the BEST thing you can do to educate yourself on this is to speak to an Elder Law attorney or specialist and families that have gone through this (on as many sides as you can - home care provided by you, provided by others and assisted living). They have this very same knowledge and more - and can explain to you the exact situations and exactly what happens to those that believe they can do all and the result of those situations.

I'd like to believe that most of us want to do the best for our parents. You simply can't do it yourself without your (and their) quality of life taking a hit. So, in aiming to provide the best, you end up providing a quality nowhere near it. What happens when you personally can't? Are you prepared to completely give up your (and your family) life, quality of life and happiness to ensure that another does have a quality of life? If you had known in advance, would you have made things better by making changes which would allow you and your parent(s) to have better quality time and a better quality of life? Again, you can avoid all of this by educating yourself now.
We all have differing opinions on this subject. I'm walking the walk now and just in the past year I've spent nights at the hospital with dad and visiting him while he was in temporary care at a nursing home. I also have had to go toe-to-toe with my brother and sister, who wanted to ship them off to the nursing home. I don't claim to be a care giver but I'm going to make every effort to afford him, and mom, the ability to stay in their home for as long as possible. His biggest desire is to be able to die at home and I'm going to do everything in my power to make that possible. It's the least I can do to honor them. This venue is hopefully going to afford me to spend much more time with them in these final years.
 
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ittigger

Hundred Acre Industry Icon
Feb 1, 2011
13,460
Western Maryland
I've walked the walk. Been there, done it - and I will again with other family members. My biggest desire is to die in my home as well - but if my quality of life sucks, then how good was it at the end of my life? Please seek additional information - this way you at least know what you're walking into and can make informed decisions.

You are 100% correct, there are many opinions - and then there are facts, which Elder Law people will tell you. They've seen the situations, the impacts, the results - and are best equipped and suited to help you navigate things to give your parent(s) the very best quality of life possible. You can gather some of this same information by talking to family members that have been in those situations as caregivers. The good Elder Law people have little concern about what you want - it's how to give your parents what they need and/or want. In most cases, this costs you nothing other than time - to sit and listen to what they have to say.
 
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rickryan.com

DJ Extraordinaire
Dec 9, 2009
12,370
54
Hendersonville, TN
www.RickRyan.com
I've walked the walk. Been there, done it - and I will again with other family members. My biggest desire is to die in my home as well - but if my quality of life sucks, then how good was it at the end of my life? Please seek additional information - this way you at least know what you're walking into and can make informed decisions. You are 100% correct, there are many opinions - and then there are facts, which Elder Law people will tell you. They've seen the situations, the impacts, the results - and are best equipped and suited to help you navigate things to give your parent(s) the very best quality of life possible. The good Elder Law people have little concern about what you want - it's how to give your parents what they need and/or want. In most cases, this costs you nothing other than time - to sit and listen to what they have to say.
I fully realize that there may come a time where we simply cannot care for dad (or mom). If/when that day comes, I believe I'll be honest enough to make the right call on what is best for them. My problem is that I've seen too many people in my own family that simply toss the old folks in a home, basically because it's inconvenient. My aunt just got put in a home by her kids and in my opinion, there was no reason for it. It's heartbreaking to see her living her final days, abandoned and in constant depression. I'm determined to do everything I can to not let that happen with my folks.
 

DJ Bobcat

DJ Extraordinerror
Nov 8, 2014
11,639
Oklahoma City
I fully realize that there may come a time where we simply cannot care for dad (or mom). If/when that day comes, I believe I'll be honest enough to make the right call on what is best for them. My problem is that I've seen too many people in my own family that simply toss the old folks in a home, basically because it's inconvenient. My aunt just got put in a home by her kids and in my opinion, there was no reason for it. It's heartbreaking to see her living her final days, abandoned and in constant depression. I'm determined to do everything I can to not let that happen with my folks.
My parents are both gone now... died many years ago, before they ever needed to live in a nursing home. My wife’s parents, though, are in their 80’s and not in very good health, especially her dad. They moved close to us a few years ago from a small town an hour away. After living in their house for a few years, they moved to an Independent Living complex last year. I can’t say my wife’s dad is all that independent. He uses a scooter to get around, and my mother-in-law has to do pretty much everything for him. He’ll soon have to go to a nursing home because he’s wearing his wife down. It’s very sad to watch. Neither of them drive, so my wife and her sister take them to all their doctors appointments, and there are MANY. My sister-in-law does not work, but is also in poor health. My wife uses up much of her vacation time taking her parents where they need to go. They are both wonderful people, but they are not the people they used to be. I don’t want to decline the way they have. I have only one daughter, and it’s pretty unlikely she’ll take care of me the way my wife takes care of her parents. My wife had NO children and has those long-living genes. Who will take care of her??? I dunno... I’m already living on borrowed time, and I’m older than my wife by several years. It’s HE11 getting old!
 

steve149

Veni, Vidi, Lusi
Staff member
Sep 26, 2011
34,550
Prospect, CT
I keep thinking about hiring a hitman with a requirement that I check in every 3 months or I get whacked. I figure that will cover me when my mind starts to go. Just afraid my wife would block my calls and I'd go quicker than expected .. :)

And I'm in the same boat as many with MY mother AND my Mother-in-law.
 

Jeff Romard

Administrator
Staff member
Sep 4, 2006
12,743
49
Sydney, Nova Scotia
Rick, you may see this as offensive, but you couldn't be more wrong - it is anything but that. Please take it to heart and soak it in.

While we all want to stay at home until we die, reality is that this may not provide the best quality of life for our parents. I've been through it recently enough. Like you, I and my family thought that we could take care of our parents easily enough. At first, one of my parents lost her social life - she couldn't drive anymore and none of her friends drove anymore. The only people she saw was family, Dr's and the Meals On Wheels driver. We were going to build an in law suite on the back of our house and move her in with us. After many, many, many discussions, we had a reality moment - what would this have accomplished - other than more alone time and still no social life? After thinking long and extremely hard about things, the decision came to move her into assisted living. These are private apartments with help if you need it. Week 1, it was like she was on a vacation - she perked back up, was bouncing around and full of energy - she also had a social life again. Week 2, still full of energy. Week 3, this is beginning to be a long trip. Week 4, depression because reality hits that this is now home. Week 5 / 6, perk right back up and starting to enjoy life again, she had freedom to do whatever she wanted, go wherever she wanted (bus, family, friends), eat whatever she wanted, etc.

If you are the caregiver, then it is you that will be the one to have to provide them the quality of life they want and/or need. This will definitely impact your life. If you are unable to give them the quality of life that they want or need, then you are now affecting their lives as well as your own and your family (spouse, kids, brothers, sisters, etc). The result is multiple people (to include a parent) with anger, frustration, disappointment, etc - and this can be avoided.

You do DJ work and take pictures. Would you trust a mechanic to play music and be able to provide the same level of service as you do? If not, then how can you provide the same level of care and service as someone in a nursing field?

Looking back, I know many others that also tried to take care of their parents - and ended up driving themselves crazy trying to be the caretaker, trying to be pleasant and having no life. You don't have to accept anything I say as fact and you are completely fine in doing so - the BEST thing you can do to educate yourself on this is to speak to an Elder Law attorney or specialist and families that have gone through this (on as many sides as you can - home care provided by you, provided by others and assisted living). They have this very same knowledge and more - and can explain to you the exact situations and exactly what happens to those that believe they can do all and the result of those situations.

I'd like to believe that most of us want to do the best for our parents. You simply can't do it yourself without your (and their) quality of life taking a hit. So, in aiming to provide the best, you end up providing a quality nowhere near it. What happens when you personally can't? Are you prepared to completely give up your (and your family) life, quality of life and happiness to ensure that another does have a quality of life? If you had known in advance, would you have made things better by making changes which would allow you and your parent(s) to have better quality time and a better quality of life? Again, you can avoid all of this by educating yourself now.
Tig while I agree with pretty much all you said and assisted living has come a long way in the last decade I also feel that with country folks it is dramatically different. I don't know this to be true in Ricks case but I've seen it in many cases people from the country don't need that social aspect near as much as people closer to towns or cities because they really never have had it.

There is also a big stigma for those who are old enough to remember when nursing homes were basically warehouses for old people. I could tell you horror stories of my Grandmother being in 35 years ago. I know that's all changed but try to convince someone in their 80's of that

From a personal standpoint I hope when I get to the point I can't take care of myself until they can't then just take me for a walk in the woods
 

ittigger

Hundred Acre Industry Icon
Feb 1, 2011
13,460
Western Maryland
Tig while I agree with pretty much all you said and assisted living has come a long way in the last decade I also feel that with country folks it is dramatically different. I don't know this to be true in Ricks case but I've seen it in many cases people from the country don't need that social aspect near as much as people closer to towns or cities because they really never have had it.

There is also a big stigma for those who are old enough to remember when nursing homes were basically warehouses for old people. I could tell you horror stories of my Grandmother being in 35 years ago. I know that's all changed but try to convince someone in their 80's of that

From a personal standpoint I hope when I get to the point I can't take care of myself until they can't then just take me for a walk in the woods
I don't disagree that 'country' folks may not have the same social requirements as city folks. I do disagree that the implications and impact are any different.
 
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rickryan.com

DJ Extraordinaire
Dec 9, 2009
12,370
54
Hendersonville, TN
www.RickRyan.com
Tig while I agree with pretty much all you said and assisted living has come a long way in the last decade I also feel that with country folks it is dramatically different. I don't know this to be true in Ricks case but I've seen it in many cases people from the country don't need that social aspect near as much as people closer to towns or cities because they really never have had it.

There is also a big stigma for those who are old enough to remember when nursing homes were basically warehouses for old people. I could tell you horror stories of my Grandmother being in 35 years ago. I know that's all changed but try to convince someone in their 80's of that

From a personal standpoint I hope when I get to the point I can't take care of myself until they can't then just take me for a walk in the woods
Last year mom got injured and dad tried to take care of her. A few weeks later, he ends up in the hospital, run down. The hospital stay was a week, followed by 3 weeks at a care facility (for him to re-build his strength). When that was over, they ended up coming to Nashville and spent a couple of months at an assisted living place (very nice). Mom handled it pretty well and dad did his best but by the end, he was more than a little ready to go home. It's like Jeff said, country folks a wired differently. My grandpa lived on his own until right before his death at age 93. I have no way to know what the future will hold but I can tell you one thing, if dad ever does get stuck into a nursing home, he won't last long. Having things to do (mowing grass mostly) and being in his home is what's kept him going all these years. This past couple of years I've been blessed to have the chance to build a better relationship with him. I'm intending to do everything I possibly can to help him die in the manner he wants.......at home. It's the least I can do.
 

ittigger

Hundred Acre Industry Icon
Feb 1, 2011
13,460
Western Maryland
I fully realize that there may come a time where we simply cannot care for dad (or mom). If/when that day comes, I believe I'll be honest enough to make the right call on what is best for them. My problem is that I've seen too many people in my own family that simply toss the old folks in a home, basically because it's inconvenient. My aunt just got put in a home by her kids and in my opinion, there was no reason for it. It's heartbreaking to see her living her final days, abandoned and in constant depression. I'm determined to do everything I can to not let that happen with my folks.
I don't know the situation so I won't judge on it. All I will add is a consideration. Was it truly because it was inconvenient? Or was it to possibly give her (and her kids) a better quality of life? Things may not be better just because you're in your own home. What kind of life is it if you have no one to talk to, help you, care for you, etc? If she's in a 'home' now (independent living / assisted living / nursing home), she can at least be as social (or not) as she pleases. While my mother loved family, she lit up in a different way when other people were around - similar to how you act with family vs being on an outing with a bunch of friends. I'll add that being in a 'home' with no family visits is also terrible.

Imagine your family being in full control of where you go, who you see, who you talk to, what you eat, etc. This is what happens when you are the caretaker and they are fully dependent on you - and it causes many families frustration, grief, anger, disappointment, etc.
 
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ittigger

Hundred Acre Industry Icon
Feb 1, 2011
13,460
Western Maryland
Last year mom got injured and dad tried to take care of her. A few weeks later, he ends up in the hospital, run down. The hospital stay was a week, followed by 3 weeks at a care facility (for him to re-build his strength). When that was over, they ended up coming to Nashville and spent a couple of months at an assisted living place (very nice). Mom handled it pretty well and dad did his best but by the end, he was more than a little ready to go home. It's like Jeff said, country folks a wired differently. My grandpa lived on his own until right before his death at age 93. I have no way to know what the future will hold but I can tell you one thing, if dad ever does get stuck into a nursing home, he won't last long. Having things to do (mowing grass mostly) and being in his home is what's kept him going all these years. This past couple of years I've been blessed to have the chance to build a better relationship with him. I'm intending to do everything I possibly can to help him die in the manner he wants.......at home. It's the least I can do.
I don't disagree - but you're mom is also country and you say that she handled it pretty well. Maybe this is more of a guy's are wired differently than girls? While people may be 'wired' differently, it is up to us to help them have the best quality of life that they can have. If that means assisted living so that they can get the care they need while allowing their happiness and relationships to have the same or better quality, then so be it. If you have to give up your life to take care of someone else, then what kind of life do you really have - and what kind of life are you providing to them?

Notice I keep using the term their quality of life - that's what this is about. It's not about your happiness. It's not about what suits you. It's not about what you want. It's about their quality of life. By the same token, your quality of life should not be affected or impacted. Again, if you are the caretaker and your quality of life is impacted, then you're also impacting their quality of life.

Imagine trying to work your normal full time job, having to take several hours off every day for their dr's appointments, specialists, (which happen to be all over the place), etc - to help them do things around the house, to take them to see friends, take them to meals, etc .. then working more, your own family wanting more time to do things, your business requiring even more time. How much of this do you think you will take before you snap? Maybe a little, maybe alot. Once you snap, your relationship will most likely change for the worse. Do you think this will not affect the quality of life that you provide to them? Do you really want to find where your breaking point is? Do you think this would benefit your parents ... or you and your own family?

I am in no way saying to not enjoy and spend time with family. I'm simply saying that if you exert all of this energy doing these things, you will cause yourself (and maybe others) to have a negative quality of life. I am saying that there is a way to avoid the negativity and still enjoy time with the parents, which in my opinion, results in a better relationship.

As for caretaking, I've seen many families go into full blown out wars because one or two children become the main caretaker and the others are viewed as 'not helping out', even though some of those families simply don't have the resources. I've seen this with both small and large families - and all have the same results (it ain't good).

While we as the caretakers can be critical of other family members not helping out, unless we truly know the full inner workings of those families, then who are we to judge? We accepted the job as caretaker, not them. That makes it our decision and impact, our glory and our potential pain. It is not theirs to step up just because we said or asked them to. It is also not our job to judge how much or how little someone else helps. As a caretaker, we have to own that decision - to ourselves. No one else will be thankful. We also have to be open to other family members (and friends) helping out - at their own desire and will. Again, it all comes down to quality of life - for the parents. While we may be the caretaker, the ultimate judge is the parent. If the parent(s) does not feel that you are giving them the quality of life that they need/want, then what is the point?

My mother was the picture of health, self dependency and happiness ... until she couldn't drive anymore and her friends were too old to drive. We visited and helped for years, as much as we could. Her siblings called her every day but even they could not help as much as they wanted to. Other family would also participate as they could. Through assisted living, she became herself again and self dependent. She could do what she wanted, be as social (or not) as she wanted, eat whatever she wanted whenever she wanted, etc - she had a life. When she couldn't care for herself anymore, we helped whenever we could - and when we couldn't, the on-site care was at the ready to do whatever was needed. They loved her like a member of their own family - and she loved them right back.

I thank you for a continued discussion and I apologize if I seem to be carrying on. I do hope that I was able to help you and others with options and/or knowledge. I see your aim and after having gone through it and learning alot through the process, I know there are many people that simply don't know what some of their options are. I don't have the answers nor do I pretend to. I can only speak from what I've experienced, seen or heard. An Elder Law specialist does have the answers and can truly be the best advice for this stuff. Please seriously consider talking to these people.
 
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MIXMASTERMACHOM

DJ Extraordinaire
Oct 16, 2011
1,169
61
Office space is about location and parking. It's got to be in a good location where people frequent the area. Parking is important because people won't visit your office if they have to struggle to find a place to park and take a chance on getting a ticket. To attract people to your office you have to have pictures of your office online with the exact location and pictures attractive enough to have people wanting to visit your office just to view your office. Once inside it's up to you to get the booking.
 

rickryan.com

DJ Extraordinaire
Dec 9, 2009
12,370
54
Hendersonville, TN
www.RickRyan.com
Office space is about location and parking. It's got to be in a good location where people frequent the area. Parking is important because people won't visit your office if they have to struggle to find a place to park and take a chance on getting a ticket. To attract people to your office you have to have pictures of your office online with the exact location and pictures attractive enough to have people wanting to visit your office just to view your office. Once inside it's up to you to get the booking.
Business advice from you is idiotic. Can you understand how stupid it is?
 
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MIXMASTERMACHOM

DJ Extraordinaire
Oct 16, 2011
1,169
61
Business advice from you is idiotic. Can you understand how stupid it is?
No it's not! Think of you passing by a place where parking is horrible. Would you stop to take care of business in a place? People like convince. If it's not convenient people won't bother doing business with someone. They will move on to someone that makes things convenient for them.
 

djtaso

DJ Extraordinaire
Apr 4, 2017
4,841
32
NJ
www.djtaso.com
No it's not! Think of you passing by a place where parking is horrible. Would you stop to take care of business in a place? People like convince. If it's not convenient people won't bother doing business with someone. They will move on to someone that makes things convenient for them.
Mix an office doesn’t need to be anything other than a spot to meet. Out of the 70 clients I book a year, less than 10 actually meet me. I do have an office, but only if a client wants to utilize it. It doesn’t need to be a storefront type of location
 
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MIXMASTERMACHOM

DJ Extraordinaire
Oct 16, 2011
1,169
61
Mix an office doesn’t need to be anything other than a spot to meet. Out of the 70 clients I book a year, less than 10 actually meet me. I do have an office, but only if a client wants to utilize it. It doesn’t need to be a storefront type of location
I never said kt had to be a store front. I did say it had to be in a nice location where people will want to come to. That's if you decide you want one. Then it depends on if it will work for you or not. For some it's a great idea. For others a waste of time and money. Money that could be spent elsewhere and have better results.