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rickryan.com said:
If you see the party needs it then let the host know you can help and leave it up to them.
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It's the 'I can help' part that trips a lot of people up because it may be hard to separate one person's intention from another's desire. Like your point about sitting in with a band it's better that we are sought as opposed to being accommodated.
 
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Proformance said:
It's the 'I can help' part that trips a lot of people up because it may be hard to separate one person's intention from another's desire. Like your point about sitting in with a band it's better that we are sought as opposed to being accommodated.
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It's a fine line to walk. If you sit back and wait for an invitation, then it's quite likely they may not even know you're ready/able to step in. You can't be overbearing, but if you humbly offer and they accept, then a good time is had by all. I can't tell you how many times I've been on band gigs where someone offered to sit in and, often times, it turned out to be a nice surprise for everyone involved. Sometimes not, but at least it keeps things interesting.
 
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Points are well taken but not relevant to this bunch. We are pretty close. Many of our gatherings start small but grow legs quickly. For instance, we hosted a movie night in our backyard a few months ago. The idea was first mentioned at another gathering on a Sunday. By Wed, we had confirmed 4 couples would attend. On Friday, we had 20 people show up. That is not atypical with this group. Everyone defers to me for music anyhow and often don't want to impose on me to bring gear. The Compacts have made it so simple that it is really no imposition.

The friends that were notoriously bad about music were my wife's old neighbors. If they had music, it was playing from one of their phones. We would have our Bose BT speaker in the car and suggest that we use that instead their phone. That was before I had the JBL Compacts. Now they have three young kids and live 2 hours away. We don't see them very often.
 
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Proformance said:
It's the 'I can help' part that trips a lot of people up because it may be hard to separate one person's intention from another's desire. Like your point about sitting in with a band it's better that we are sought as opposed to being accommodated.
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Yes but, speaking as a picker, you simply cannot just sit back and wait to be asked. Sometimes you need to gently nudge your way in. Otherwise, you never get the opportunity to make new contacts and expand your network. There is some subtly involved, but you need to knock on doors in order to get them open at times. The trick is to know how to invite yourself without being overbearing and rude.
 
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What I do when I'm a guest at an event I stay in my lane. I'm a guest. If the people hosting the event don't have the right tools for the job or hired someone that doesn't have the right tools or things together to do the event, that's on them.
 
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