I've been hesitant to post about this as a) it happened last night and b) I'm both proud of what I did but also a little embarrassed. The few non-professionals I've talked to about this have said what I did was the right thing, but I'm still...not sure I handled it in the most professional manner.
This is going to be a somewhat detailed post, for one isolated incident but I want to lay down the groundwork. I dj for a company as a weekend job, a Friday or Saturday night here or there. I'm also a full time student and I work in a kitchen as a cook. This past week one of my co-workers at the restaurant i work at just up and quit, normally I take every saturday off so I can focus on my dance, but due to these circumstances, I agreed to work breakfast and lunch (6am to 1pm) then run home, shower change, gather up my gear and head to the venue for a 4pm start time and run the wedding reception from 4-11. Friday night, I couldn't go to sleep, I ended up tossing and turning all night and got 2, maybe 3 hours of sleep total. Work my shift, run home, change, etc, and move to the dance. No problem.
Here's where things get interesting. The wedding party arrives in a limo and right behind them is a 15 seat van with a few younger members of the wedding party (a couple of the bridesmaids were under 18 I believe, along with the ring bearers and flower girls). Van is being driven by the mother of the groom and the reception is being held at a VFW. MoG asks, in the parking lot, if the bar section of the VFW is going to be open. Bride says, "yeah like I told you, they can't close that part down, it's part of their business. MoG throws a fit, gets her underage kids and her husband and they leave. Don't even go to the reception. Groom is upset, bride is upset, mother of the bride (who told me she was paying for everything for her onlyer) is upset. I promise, I'll make it a great night.
We get things rolling and other then an OCD contfreeak Matron of Honor (her words to me) who wanted to know every aspect of the evenings itinerary, first part goes off without a hitch. Dance begins, not quite enough room for a proper Grand March, but we make it work, go into their first dance, and the father/daughter dance. I figured we'd cut the Mother son dance and B/G agree with me. But then during the F/D dance said OCD MoH informs me that the groom is going to dance with his grandmother (that's right g'ma came to the reception but super critical, very religious mom and dad wouldn't). The song we had picked out was "A Mother's Song" by T Carter as the MoG wanted something "clean" and preferably country. I suggested that song, they agreed. I asked "should I play the same song" knowing it was a little weird situation, but MoH said "sure" so I went with it and they seemed to enjoy it.
So the dance starts and right away the groom wants LMFAO's "Shots" I tell him I have it, no problem but the version I purchased off iTunes is the explicit version and would he mind waiting until later in the evening, just so we don't offend anyone. He's cool with that. We get things rocking and rolling. Nice mix of top 40, 70s, 80s, country, etc.
About 10:00 (again dance is scheduled to end at 11) the stepfather of the bride asks if I could play one specific slow country song that he and his wife (MoB) danced to at their wedding, with their anniversary coming up next week, and dedicate it to the couple. Sure, absolutely. I'm right in the middle of the Wobble, so I move into We Were Young by .Fun (a request) then Cruise by Florida Georgia Line. I invite the stepdad to come to the dance floor and tell him the story moved me and that he could explain what he wants so much better. He does, we start the song (Bless The Broken Road) I go into the Tennessee Waltz (another request/dedication) then The cotton Eyed Joe. Old people who had been waltzing are 10 stepping next to 21 year olds. It's great I think everyone is having a good time. I had had a kid bugging me all night for Gangham Style so I bust that out, people are still laughing, having a great time. I follow that with another kid request, sweet flower girl, who wanted to Chicken Dance. I break out some glow sticks, during that along with YMCA and Shake Your Booty. I have a techno remix of ABC makes a nice transition song, go into Barbie Girl by Aqua (another song that was requested about 50 times) then into The Wop, the requested Shots (this is almost on the dot 10:30) and Crank That. During Shots, I had some guy complain about the language (part of it was yes the song but the group of 21 year olds (or so) were really drunk at this point and screaming it out) I try and explain that it was a request from the groom (who as you may recall had a really horrible night with his parents not being at the reception). He doesn't like it and storms off, not a minute later, the father (not step dad, but father father) of the bride comes up with a friend (who I had already asked to get off my stage) to complain about Shots. Again, I explain it was a request from the groom, I waited until toward the end of the night but the groom really wanted the song. He's not satisfied and wants me play, here he pauses and his friend pipes up with "no more n****r music".
Now, let me explain something, my brother is hispanic and my sister is African-American. I'm going on virtually no sleep and am in no mood to put up with this guy. I tell him "Sir my sister black, I don't apperciate that kind of language. I would like an apology before we continue" he immediately apologizes and shakes my hand. I turn back to talk to the FoB and his friend apologizes again and again and wants to shake my hand again, I look at him, say "Sir, I've already shaken your hand once." and leave it at that, I tell the FoB I'll change things up. Rush to find something to play (again this is all happening during Soulja Boy's Crank That). They walk off and I hear the friend go "well I f'd that up." (understatement of the year) I'm flipping through my songs quickly looking for something that will fit stylistically but appease the complainers. I put in John Legend's All of Me, and of cohe 20 years olds complain. I gently explain that some of the older people didn't care for this music., including the bride's dad. They are all cool with it. The bride, who I think was oblivious to the situation, comes up and asks if I'll go another hour, I tell her my rate is $100 for the hour. She pays me $50 and asks if Ican just do 30 more minutes. Even though I'm not in the mood, I agree and go the extra time. The last 45 minutes or so were a cluster. The OCD control freak MoH tripped up on the stage, unplugged me during a song, so she could make an announcement that they were going to a local bar after. I wasn't in the mood, probably should have turned down the offer and went home, but again, I wanted to make the night special for the B&G who had been through a lot. They both told me that they had a good time, so I guess THAT'S the important part.
Now then, if you made it through all that, was I right in handling the "n****r music" comment? I hear this about once a year, usually from a bride as a warning. Something like "my fiancee's dad is a bit of a racist, if he says "no more sambo or porch monkey music, just blow him off." I've never heard someone so, blatantly tell me that and due to lack of sleep and being overly sensitive to the B&G's wants (I should mention that the best man was black) and situation I just said what I was thinking, no filter. So, professional opinions from others more experienced then me, did I handle it correctly, should I have handled it more discreetly (not like this happened on the mic in front of everyone but still...) or just let it wash off my back? Or for rabbit trail fun, any similar experiences (not just the racist comment but the religious parents situation) and how did they pan out? How did you handle it?
This is going to be a somewhat detailed post, for one isolated incident but I want to lay down the groundwork. I dj for a company as a weekend job, a Friday or Saturday night here or there. I'm also a full time student and I work in a kitchen as a cook. This past week one of my co-workers at the restaurant i work at just up and quit, normally I take every saturday off so I can focus on my dance, but due to these circumstances, I agreed to work breakfast and lunch (6am to 1pm) then run home, shower change, gather up my gear and head to the venue for a 4pm start time and run the wedding reception from 4-11. Friday night, I couldn't go to sleep, I ended up tossing and turning all night and got 2, maybe 3 hours of sleep total. Work my shift, run home, change, etc, and move to the dance. No problem.
Here's where things get interesting. The wedding party arrives in a limo and right behind them is a 15 seat van with a few younger members of the wedding party (a couple of the bridesmaids were under 18 I believe, along with the ring bearers and flower girls). Van is being driven by the mother of the groom and the reception is being held at a VFW. MoG asks, in the parking lot, if the bar section of the VFW is going to be open. Bride says, "yeah like I told you, they can't close that part down, it's part of their business. MoG throws a fit, gets her underage kids and her husband and they leave. Don't even go to the reception. Groom is upset, bride is upset, mother of the bride (who told me she was paying for everything for her onlyer) is upset. I promise, I'll make it a great night.
We get things rolling and other then an OCD contfreeak Matron of Honor (her words to me) who wanted to know every aspect of the evenings itinerary, first part goes off without a hitch. Dance begins, not quite enough room for a proper Grand March, but we make it work, go into their first dance, and the father/daughter dance. I figured we'd cut the Mother son dance and B/G agree with me. But then during the F/D dance said OCD MoH informs me that the groom is going to dance with his grandmother (that's right g'ma came to the reception but super critical, very religious mom and dad wouldn't). The song we had picked out was "A Mother's Song" by T Carter as the MoG wanted something "clean" and preferably country. I suggested that song, they agreed. I asked "should I play the same song" knowing it was a little weird situation, but MoH said "sure" so I went with it and they seemed to enjoy it.
So the dance starts and right away the groom wants LMFAO's "Shots" I tell him I have it, no problem but the version I purchased off iTunes is the explicit version and would he mind waiting until later in the evening, just so we don't offend anyone. He's cool with that. We get things rocking and rolling. Nice mix of top 40, 70s, 80s, country, etc.
About 10:00 (again dance is scheduled to end at 11) the stepfather of the bride asks if I could play one specific slow country song that he and his wife (MoB) danced to at their wedding, with their anniversary coming up next week, and dedicate it to the couple. Sure, absolutely. I'm right in the middle of the Wobble, so I move into We Were Young by .Fun (a request) then Cruise by Florida Georgia Line. I invite the stepdad to come to the dance floor and tell him the story moved me and that he could explain what he wants so much better. He does, we start the song (Bless The Broken Road) I go into the Tennessee Waltz (another request/dedication) then The cotton Eyed Joe. Old people who had been waltzing are 10 stepping next to 21 year olds. It's great I think everyone is having a good time. I had had a kid bugging me all night for Gangham Style so I bust that out, people are still laughing, having a great time. I follow that with another kid request, sweet flower girl, who wanted to Chicken Dance. I break out some glow sticks, during that along with YMCA and Shake Your Booty. I have a techno remix of ABC makes a nice transition song, go into Barbie Girl by Aqua (another song that was requested about 50 times) then into The Wop, the requested Shots (this is almost on the dot 10:30) and Crank That. During Shots, I had some guy complain about the language (part of it was yes the song but the group of 21 year olds (or so) were really drunk at this point and screaming it out) I try and explain that it was a request from the groom (who as you may recall had a really horrible night with his parents not being at the reception). He doesn't like it and storms off, not a minute later, the father (not step dad, but father father) of the bride comes up with a friend (who I had already asked to get off my stage) to complain about Shots. Again, I explain it was a request from the groom, I waited until toward the end of the night but the groom really wanted the song. He's not satisfied and wants me play, here he pauses and his friend pipes up with "no more n****r music".
Now, let me explain something, my brother is hispanic and my sister is African-American. I'm going on virtually no sleep and am in no mood to put up with this guy. I tell him "Sir my sister black, I don't apperciate that kind of language. I would like an apology before we continue" he immediately apologizes and shakes my hand. I turn back to talk to the FoB and his friend apologizes again and again and wants to shake my hand again, I look at him, say "Sir, I've already shaken your hand once." and leave it at that, I tell the FoB I'll change things up. Rush to find something to play (again this is all happening during Soulja Boy's Crank That). They walk off and I hear the friend go "well I f'd that up." (understatement of the year) I'm flipping through my songs quickly looking for something that will fit stylistically but appease the complainers. I put in John Legend's All of Me, and of cohe 20 years olds complain. I gently explain that some of the older people didn't care for this music., including the bride's dad. They are all cool with it. The bride, who I think was oblivious to the situation, comes up and asks if I'll go another hour, I tell her my rate is $100 for the hour. She pays me $50 and asks if Ican just do 30 more minutes. Even though I'm not in the mood, I agree and go the extra time. The last 45 minutes or so were a cluster. The OCD control freak MoH tripped up on the stage, unplugged me during a song, so she could make an announcement that they were going to a local bar after. I wasn't in the mood, probably should have turned down the offer and went home, but again, I wanted to make the night special for the B&G who had been through a lot. They both told me that they had a good time, so I guess THAT'S the important part.
Now then, if you made it through all that, was I right in handling the "n****r music" comment? I hear this about once a year, usually from a bride as a warning. Something like "my fiancee's dad is a bit of a racist, if he says "no more sambo or porch monkey music, just blow him off." I've never heard someone so, blatantly tell me that and due to lack of sleep and being overly sensitive to the B&G's wants (I should mention that the best man was black) and situation I just said what I was thinking, no filter. So, professional opinions from others more experienced then me, did I handle it correctly, should I have handled it more discreetly (not like this happened on the mic in front of everyone but still...) or just let it wash off my back? Or for rabbit trail fun, any similar experiences (not just the racist comment but the religious parents situation) and how did they pan out? How did you handle it?
